The Importance of Caring Less at Your Office Job

rainbowYears ago, when I moved from my small hometown in Michigan to New York, I took administrative temp work to get my “foot in the door” and get a full-time job.

One of my temp assignments left me especially miserable. The person managing me would hurl insults at another employee. The job–stuffing envelopes–was brain-meltingly boring. And of course, as an HSP, all this affected me greatly.

I got home and (surprise!) complained about it to my husband.

I remember that he said, matter-of-factly, “Call your temp agency and quit the assignment. It’s not worth you being miserable.”

My first reaction was, “I can’t do that!” I committed to the assignment. They were counting on me! I don’t quit things.

Then he asked me: What’s more important? My mental health or finishing a temp job for some company that couldn’t care less about me?

He was right. There was no reason for me to care so much about this job. So what if my quitting inconveniences the company or the temp agency? Who cares?

When I was a kid, my dad used to jokingly say, “You gotta look out for Number One”.

“Number One” is yourself. Ultimately, your workplace doesn’t really care about you. You are replaceable. You have to look out for your HSP-self first and stop worrying about everyone and everything else.

A few months ago, a friend was struggling at work. She was overwhelmed by too many responsibilities and was ready to quit. I posed the question to her: “What would happen if you didn’t get all your work done on time? What if you couldn’t finish all the tasks?” And her response was something like, “I guess it wouldn’t be the end of the world…” But I could tell that she wouldn’t even consider letting some things slip through the cracks. She was a hard worker who cared about her performance.

She was either going to do a great job, or no job at all.

I told her, “You are ready to quit your job. What will it hurt to try caring less first? If you can care less, then you won’t feel so stressed about not getting everything done. Just do the best you can. That’s all you can do.”

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ep06_blogpostimageLook. I know you care deeply about details, my HSP friend, but please remember that worrying and stressing about your job isn’t productive. You probably care more about your job than many people do; you are loyal, committed, and hard-working. But when you stress because you feel like you aren’t doing good work, or that you are behind on a project, ask yourself, “Who cares?” Hopefully this will help you put it all into perspective and take a little stress off your shoulders.

Like this post? Listen to Episode 6 of the Highly Sensitive Person Podcast about the same topic.


  1. Thanks for this useful reminder Kelly! I nearly killed myself – quite literally, I had a nervous breakdown – in my last job because I was trying to do the job of three people. As an HSP (who didn’t know it for a long time) I grew up letting people impose stuff on me, and trying to prove myself worthy of their acceptance and love by going way beyond my capacities. To prove what? When I finally faltered out of sheer exhaustion, ‘Who cares?’ was indeed the question which forced me to see the ugly truth. Since then – that was three years ago – I have started looking out for Number One and I feel so much more balanced, serene and happy. And it comes as no surprise to me that the job I left was not filled by anyone else! No one else would be so ridiculously committed to doing a job which needs three people to do the work well. It was a lesson I needed to learn and hard as it was it has really helped me to move on.
    Go well,

    • Vera, thank you so much for this heartfelt comment. I am happy this post resonated with you. For us HSPs, we care so much that the concept of *not* caring never crosses our minds! I’m glad you were able to get out of a toxic job environment!

  2. This is so true. You can still do a good job even though you don’t care as much. Your performance won’t suffer but in my cause get better. By not being stressed out you make fewer mistakes and you are more pleasant to be around. My co-worker asked me why I wasn’t affected by an event at work. I replied because I don’t care. I do my work, that I am paid to do, and I do it well. Why get upset about something you can’t change.

  3. Thank you for this, it’s exactly what I needed! I’m really struggling right now in a very toxic and unorganized firm I started working for 4 months ago. I want to leave more than anything but need the job. Trying to figure out how to block it all out and it’s been very tough.

  4. Thanks again for sharing. I’m at the position at the moment where I am doing 3 people’s job-again (because I am the only one who cares and will do it). I’m super-stressed, exhausted etc etc. I really need to care less, but it’s really hard for me as I have pride in my job. NUMBER ONE is really the most important. I will try!!

  5. Kelly, I just discovered your site today, and have been wrestling with not only being an HSP (thank goodness I finally know what it is, rather than thinking it’s something I didn’t have enough therapy to cure in my 20s!), but with this notion of caring LESS at work. I was like Vera and Lisa and Marina for years — I’m always the GO TO GIRL, the one who can do everything, learn everything, communicate effectively with everyone, soothe ruffled feathers, and was still willing to do more. DO MORE / DO IT BETTER has been my mantra from childhood onward, only back then it was “I’m going to love people better, not cause pain.” Then I grew up and that expanded exponentially to everything. But since I turned 40, my gut feeling keeps speaking up: “You’re exhausted, we don’t wanna do this anymore, where is this getting us anyway, aren’t you done?” You’re right, it never occurred to me to let anything go, or to become the “I don’t care” girl. The guilt is definitely the worst thing to wrestle with…but I’m starting to see that this is more of a survival issue, a health issue, a sanity issue. Besides, let some of the lazy buttheads in my office take some of the load for a while. :) Thanks for the reminder.

  6. Dear Kelly,

    thanks so much for your blog and all the colourful pictures you are creating in my head – and of course – most of the situations are fully true for myself.

    I am active in a German HSP-community and I am already a big supporter of your website – so I posted it to my German peer HSPs. Carry on with this nice and very! helpful website!

    Have a nice week and probably hearing from you soon,

  7. Hello!
    I’m sitting here at my office desk, holding back my tears, after reading your last sentences above – they were directed straight at me! So absolutely true and I recognize myself fully. One job that I now see is NOT fit for a HSP person is HR – I have been taking other people’s worries too hard! About 400 persons…
    I am about to change to another job within the same company which hopefully will be less stressful!

    Wish me luck :)

    Anne Groening recently posted…HSP Podcast #07: Explaining HSP to Your PartnerMy Profile

    • Hello Anne, thank you for your comment. I’m glad my post resonated with you! I have thought about HR before. I would enjoy being able to make positive changes to people’s workplaces and work lives, but I would also take things too hard, and too personally. Good luck at your new job!!

  8. Even though this post is old, Thank You for posting it. I don’t consider myself HSP as the acronym goes…. But after working for quite a long time at one company, I asked myself the same question this past Friday “Why should I care so much about my job anymore when others, including supervisors and management does not?” And then I did a search on Google and found your post. The question, became the answer “Just do not care so much about my job.”. This is my new motivation going forward.

  9. worrylines says:

    Hi Kelly,

    How do you start to not care? What kind of approach should I take? I plan on leaving this summer regardless of whether I have another job lined up. It’s just not worth it anymore. I wanted to leave last summer but the jobs I applied for are only getting back to me in the last month or two. How can I cope until then? We have a lot of big meetings coming up and I’m the one that will have all of the preparation responsibility dumped on me while others are out of the office. I am anxious beyond belief about getting this all done and have told my boss this. She pretends to care but I have quickly learned my pushing back doesn’t hold any weight. When I started there we had an assistant in our department but she left and they never replaced her. I am doing everything she did, everything I am supposed to do in addition to covering for those who are slacking and/or out of the office. I have sacrificed a lot for the good of the company and I’m tired of it.

    • Hi and thanks for sharing. Well, if you know you are leaving in the summer, doesn’t that take some stress off you? That means you really don’t need to care as much!

      When I feel myself tightening up and starting to stress and obsess, I actually ask myself this question: “Who cares?” “Who cares if [fill in the blank] doesn’t get done?” It helps me put things in perspective. (I mean, obviously if you are a medical doctor or something super important you shouldn’t say “Who cares?” but in office jobs, this tactic has worked for me.)

      I guess I would need to know what specifically is still stressing you out. You said you were doing preparation for meetings–like, preparing agendas, materials, etc? Are people taking too long to get back to you? I guess I need more details and maybe I can give some actually useful advice! :)

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