Sorry if This is a Bit Dark: Hating my Sensitivity

Warning: This is a bit dark.

I hate that I’m highly sensitive. I wish I was normal. I wish I wasn’t bothered by so many small things. I wish I could just be happy instead of always wishing things were better.

And these feelings make me angry at myself. Why do I have to complain so much? Why can’t I just suck it up and deal with small annoyances? Why can’t I just relax and have fun? Why are things so hard for me and easy for everyone else?

I hate that it limits my life in some ways. I can’t drink coffee; consume violent, scary, or extremely sad movies, TV shows, or books; and I sometimes feel other peoples’ feelings, which drains my energy, is exhausting, and can bum me out.

I hate that even at a young age, before I knew I was an HSP or introvert, I knew I was limited to a few, certain careers–like writing–because so there were so many aspects of others careers I didn’t like: like sales, or jobs with too much social interaction or too much pressure.

I hate that if, for instance, a friend suggests going on a trip with a group of friends, instead of my first reaction being of excitement and happiness, it’s of worry, and “what ifs”, and thinking about all the things that could make it uncomfortable for me.

I hate that noise and bright lights bother me so much and that I seem distracted–to the point that I have to change seats or ask people to turn the music down–and everyone looks at me like I’m weird.

I wish I could let things go, and didn’t replay things in my head. Or obsess about things.

More advanced-level HSPs (said with tongue-in-cheek) value their sensitivity. They appreciate it like a gift.

HSPs are often great listeners and great friends. We often have a deep appreciation of nature, art, and music, and can have strong connections with animals. We are good listeners and incredibly empathetic and intuitive. We have good imaginations, tend to make careful decisions, and are curious, compassionate, conscientious, and creative.

People who make art and poetry, who make it their life’s work to try to lessen the pain of others, who are willing listen and help others who are struggling–are important to have in this world.

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