Apologies to the extroverted HSPs out there, because today I have a little sumthin’ for the innies. This is a special guest post by Sarah Jones of Introverted Alpha. Sarah focuses specifically on helping introverted men become successful with women in a way that is respectful, insightful, and genuine to both parties. One of the things that makes her successful is how well she understands the nature of introverts. Here’s Sarah with 5 reasons dating is challenging for introverts:
The fact that our world is geared toward extroverts becomes more poignantly true in the dating world–with the swipe-left, swipe-right mentality that hardly gives HSPs and introverts space to think, much less make an attractive impression.
In this post, I (Sarah) am going to share five reasons dating can be especially challenging for introverts–along with ways to face each challenge.
1. Introverts are more….sensitive.
Being sensitive can feel like both a blessing and a curse. Being highly sensitive is ecstatic and blissful when it comes to life’s pleasures. Even simple pleasures can turn into riveting wonderments effortlessly for sensitive people. This is so intriguing to those who are not as sensitive!
At the same time, sensitivity, especially to environmental physical triggers like loudness and jarringly bright lights, can be a challenge when it comes to dating. The best way to deal with this is to first understand and appreciate yourself as you are. How could you possibly experience the heights of ecstasy–beyond what most people feel–while also not experiencing the horrors of overstimulation? They go hand-in-hand.
The key is to increase your exposure to blissful sensitivities while decreasing your exposure to stressful triggers. Practically, this means setting a date for a walk around a park instead of attending a loud concert, or going to your favorite low-key lounge instead of a high-energy club.
You’ll be at your best in environments that soothe you rather than overwhelm you, so be mindful of that by choosing the right venues for you.
2. Introverts are more private.
Being a private person can be intruiging–and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. In fact, it allows others the pleasure of getting to know you bit-by-bit instead of a rushing torrent of info all at once.
However, as a private person, you might feel rushed to be more forthright and falsely open so that your date can know you at least a little before making a snap judgment or getting bored and moving on.
How to circumvent this challenge? First of all: forgive people for being rushed. Many people are rushed, yet many are NOT… especially when they’re in the company of someone intriguing and captivating (you!).
Your private nature can be charming when you’re not only aware of it, but appreciative of it as well. Don’t feel obligated to spew out all kinds of information just three seconds into a conversation.
Instead, treasure the curiosity the other person has about you–and as long as they’re gentle towards you–take it as a compliment that they are so inquisitive! No matter how inquisitive they are, though, it is always your right to determine how much to share and how soon. That remembrance of being in the driver’s seat is quite calming and can let your natural charm show through.
3. Introverts are more thoughtful.
Not everyone appreciates thoughtfulness or knows how to relate to it.
The best way to counteract this challenge is to make sure you’re investing your precious energy only with people who already understand and appreciate thoughtfulness. If you’re talking with someone who seems impatient or unthoughtful, you can politely move on.
You have limited time and energy, especially as an introvert, so use it wisely on people who you feel a natural resonance with – people who are also thoughtful or at least appreciate your thoughtfulness.
4. Introverts are more gentle.
Gentleness is a beautiful trait, and yet it can pose challenges in the dating world. When you’re a gentle person, it can be hard to get noticed in a world that’s so loud!
The way to deal with this challenge is to build your charisma so that you stand out in a crowded room effortlessly. You don’t have to be loud and gregarious to steal the show. You can be the person who walks in a room, and people turn around, “Who IS that?…”
The most effective resource I know of on building your charisma is The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane. It’s extremely helpful, and you can use it to become noticed without having to yell above the loudest guy or gal at the party.
5. Introverts are more mysterious.
While mystery can be especially intriguing and attractive, it can also create a distance that makes attraction harder to discern, much less build on. That’s the challenge.
To use mysteriousness to your advantage rather than disadvantage, notice where someone already seems intrigued by you and then gently and nonchalantly, give them more and more of your attention until they feel comfortable enough to approach you.
As long as you’re open and relaxed, even if you seem a bit distant, your mystery can work for you very well.
All in all, what may initially look like dating challenges for you as an introvert can be turned into advantages, just by understanding and appreciating your nature and using what you’ve got to your benefit.