…unless you want to cry for an hour straight.
Yes, I want to talk about the Pixar movie Inside Out. It’s about feelings.
It s a lovely movie with a nice message. It is funny and creative. But it is SUPER sad and sentimental. As an HSP, I felt it was a bit emotionally manipulative.
But Kelly, are you denigrating a universally-heralded, sweet, children’s movie? How dare you!
As I sat in the crowded theatre with tears running down my face, I glanced around at the other moviegoers. I couldn’t tell if anyone else was crying. I simply didn’t understand how other people were sitting there, stonefaced. How are they watching this emotional content and feeling nothing? I simply don’t understand it.
Now that I know I’m an HSP, I don’t feel as silly about crying at movies as I used to. Now, I feel like I am the one who is human. I am the one who is feeling what the movie is trying to portray and non-sensitive people are missing out. (At least, that is what I tell myself to feel better.)
But there is a reason I don’t normally see movies like this. Watching a sad, emotional movie puts my brain and body through the emotional wringer. Why would I want to do that to myself? It is not worth the emotional drain. (Not to mention—feeling conspicuously like my face is puffy and red when I leave the theatre).
I feel like this movie was emotionally manipulative because it had to be—in order to make the non-HSPs (the stonehearts) actually feel something. To squeeze some tears out of their eyes, it needs to try harder. But it is too much for an HSP.
(Note: a commenter made a good point–just because people aren’t crying doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling things.)
There were parts of the movie where they showed a toddler having tender moments with her loving parents. Then we see that as she gets older, these formative, cherished memories start to fade and disappear. Yes, it can be sad for parents to see their little girls grow up. There is even a part where a character literally hugs an old memory and cries over it. Good lord, seriously?? I actually plugged my ears and looked away at the moment because it was like “hit me over the head” emotional.
It’s not just about a little girl growing up. It’s about the bittersweet passage of time in all our lives. We have happy memories that fade or turn to sad memories, friends who come and go, and loved ones who die. Nothing even stays the same. We all grow older, our youth fades, and then, welp, I’m just gonna say it, we all die. THAT is why this movie is so damn sad.
For me, this wasn’t just a cute cartoon movie for kids–I was crying about FEARING DEATH, people!
Look, this post is tongue-in-cheek. Inside Out is a great movie. It’s funny, creative, poignant, and beautiful. It is just not something I would watch as an HSP unless I wanted my emotions dragged though the gauntlet. I feel enough already without a movie trying to make me cry.
What did you think of the movie?
I can 100% relate. I’ve gotten to the point where any entertainment I consume is not designed to make me feel a barrage of emotions. Real life is emotion enough as it is! I stick to Agatha Christie a lot lately and Korean dramas that are lighthearted and fun 🙂
I haven’t seen the movie so I won’t argue whether the movie is emotionally manipulative or not (as an HSP, my emotions also “go through the emotional wringer” which is why I’m careful about what movies I watch). However, it’s hard to judge what people might be feeling inside when they aren’t outwardly showing it. Just because they are not crying doesn’t mean they aren’t being emotionally moved.
Thanks for the warning about “Inside Out” and great job on your podcast!
Good point!!
So I finally went to see the movie and I really liked it! I think reading people’s reactions to the movie (such as yours!) and giving myself permission to cry (which I never do when watching a movie) helped me emotionally prepare for it. I liked the message that it’s ok to feel emotions that are considered negative. Many adults could learn a thing or two from this movie! I’ve seen my share of emotionally manipulative movies (and yes, it’s really annoying), but I don’t think this one was.
Sometimes I feel I need to cry, like I’m almost addicted to crying. So I watch Touched by an Angel, because I always cry when the angel speaks so tenderly.
Kelly, thank you for the post and for the invitation to respond. I have to say that I loved the movie. I am an HSP and deeply appreciate a movie that addresses emotions and brain research in a way that both kids and adults can understand. I didn’t feel manipulated but empowered. Yes, I cried and felt emotionally triggered during scenes that reflected something that I have experienced or felt. Connection vs. manipulation. I loved that the movie highlighted the importance of sadness as a pathway to empathy and compassion. I loved how it gave kids and adults permission to feel a ranger of emotions and how ignoring or “stuffing” emotions has negative repercussions on our connections and sense of wellbeing. I loved how it depicted how our emotions are integrated rather than isolated experiences…how we understand joy more deeply because we experience sadness and how our range of emotions becomes more complex as we experience more in life. I loved the tenderness of memories as well as the beauty of cultivating new memories throughout a lifetime and how loss is an important part of growing and changing. I could go on, but I’ll end by sharing a link. There is a great interview with one of the creators/director which helped to prepare me for the movie and provided some details about the research that went into this film. You can find that interview here: http://www.npr.org/2015/06/10/413273007/its-all-in-your-head-director-pete-docter-gets-emotional-in-inside-out
I value the summary points you made! I copied them to a page so I could highlight them. “Sadness as a pathway to empathy and compassion” is one phrase I particularly like. Thank you!
Thanks for the warning about this film. From what you’ve described, Kelly, I think my reaction might be the same as yours. I get annoyed when I feel a film is being deliberately emotionally manipulative without any higher entertainment or teaching goal. And I really can’t stand it when I catch myself tearing up anyway! (Lion King, anyone?) That said, I have heard good things about this film and its portrayal of a girl’s inner life, and the personification of the emotions seems like an intriguing device. So I guess I’m on the fence!
By the way, I love your podcast! I’ve been listening for only a couple of months, but I already look forward to every new episode.
Hi Another Kelly!! Thank you for sharing. I definitely think there are teaching moments in the film, but I found them to be kind of obvious and heavy-handed, but then again, I’m not a kid. 🙂 It’s just that I feel so much during the course of a day that I don’t need to feel more…it’s exhausting 🙂
Thanks for the post, Kelly. I am a fan of your podcast, and have been meaning to write for a while.
However, I think you have omitted an important caveat when you advise HSPs not to see this movie. Some of us, including myself, are Sensation Seekers. I had the same experience as you, to my surprise. I am a man, and very rarely does anyone ever see me cry. But in the darkness of the theatre, tears were streaming down my face almost continuously, and I was very conscious of trying not to sob audibly! But here’s the difference: I absolutely loved this experience!!
I am a musician, so I think often and deeply about the role of art. I think it is paramount that art challenges us! Rather than making life more palatable, art should make life more intense! For example, the role of a great chef is not to add more sugar, or to conform to people’s safe expectations of flavour, but rather to explore, to intrigue, to excite!
To be exhausted by a challenging experience, I feel, is what life is all about. Leo Buscaglia has written beautifully about this. To be alive is to accept change, and to live fully is to accept profound transformation. I think every transformative experience is draining, necessarily. Think of falling in love, having a child, or accomplishing your dream.
Oh DUH, how did I forget about sensation seekers!!!! I need to update the post. Thanks for your comment!!!
I agree with enjoying being challenged, but in this movie I felt it was manipulative. I didn’t feel challenged. It’s like if someone showed me a video of someone hurting an animal. I would be emotionally outraged and sad, but it would not challenge me. You know what I mean?
That said, I understand how some people WANT to feel that emotion from the movie, how they enjoy truly feeling their emotions (sensation seekers). Just for me, at that moment–I didn’t want it.
For highly sensitive people, movies can be a sensitive topic, unsurprisingly, but an interesting one. I too find that I have to be careful what I watch, and it is a challenge because I absolutely love movies! Violence in movies seems like an obvious thing for HSPs to avoid, but having grown up with movies like Star Wars, action movies are really alluring for me. I admit that the horrific violence in Bugs Bunny and the Road Runner delights me, and yet I can’t bear to watch “fail” videos on YouTube in which actual people fall down, because I feel their pain like being hit by a truck. Watching an animal get hurt is often even worse for me. But I can tolerate seeing Indiana Jones or Jason Bourne take another punch.
This strange inconsistency in my reaction to films and TV shows is perhaps also a result of being an HSP. I think I empathize easily; not only do I frequently experience the pain of others as if it were my own, but I also imagine being the other person in every detail, which means identifying with their lifestyle, training, temperament and choices. This is true even for fictional characters, and I can even accept the surreal resilience of cartoon animals. Therefore, a cigar exploding in Daffy Duck’s face is funny, but the horse tripping over barbed wire in War Horse is extremely traumatic for me.
Even though I’m going through an emotional time right now, I didn’t feel as manipulated by this film as by previous Pixar films. (I only teared up when I saw my wife and youngest crying.) I was disappointed, though, at the film’s portrayal of male minds. The dad was ignoring his family for hockey, the boy at the hockey game couldn’t form a coherent thought, and the bus driver was nothing but anger. As a gent, my emotional experience is a lot more complex than that and I expect that even non-highly-sensitive males aren’t so one-dimensional. As a parent of boys, I find such casual misandry saddening, especially as my wife and I have worked so hard to teach our sons to identify and speak to their feelings.
Good point!
I loved this movie! I saw it with my mom (who I work with) and as HSP’s and parenting coaches we thought it was a wonderful movie to segue into conversation with children about emotions and feelings.
While no movie is perfect, I loved that the idea that we can change our “emotional” hold on memories. Everything that we experience is colored by an emotion, and we get to choose!
I also really liked that there was no “bad guy”, it is a rare child’s movie that doesn’t have a scary, villainous element.
Though I agree that it was a bit bittersweet I would wholeheartedly recommend. I defintely shed a few tears and hugged my mom tightly when it was over!
I’m a highly sensitive person with PTSD. My therapist actually told me to go see this movie with my children. I loved it. We loved it. It helped us work on our vocabulary around complex feelings and overwriting memories to make them work for where you are now as you change in life.
It gave my children a way to visualize many concepts around emotion and memory storage that were absolutely invaluable. “This is what we are trying to do here.” I really appreciated the range of emotions expressed.
I actually enjoyed the movie, but I didn’t want to go at first. I went in a big group of family members ranging in age from 4 to 65.
On the way there, I was not excited at all. Lots of my family asked if I was excited and assumed that this movie was right up my alley. They all just assumed I’d be first in line to see it.
But, you’re right, it was SO me that I didn’t really feel the need to see it. Lol.
I live that awareness of my emotions daily so I didn’t think I would enjoy the film. And, part of me thought it looked exhausting to try and keep up with everyone’s differing emotional characters at once (probably because I do it all the time without needing the characters). However, I actually really liked the film. Yes, I cried a ton in a few spots, but I thoroughly enjoyed the artistic visual expression of the managing emotions that I go through daily.
Thanks for starting the conversation from an HSP’s perspective. I am very happy to have found your site.
I haven’t seen the movie and doubt I ever will. Pixar films are getting too emotional for me, and I usually don’t feel good or happy after seeing one. In fact, I feel weaker and insanely depressed. This has happened for tons of movies for me actually, and after the last huge failure (Kingsman–oh GOD do I regret seeing that load of f-words and gore), I’ve just become afraid of movies, especially in the theatres.
This doesn’t mean I don’t think the movie is good. I’m sure it’s WONDERFUL and very clever, objectively speaking. But unfortunately, I feel that if I saw it, I would be left with mental images that would “scar” me permanently, just as episodes of Roseanne, Schindler’s List, Brokeback Mountain, and tons of other things have done, leaving me with effects similar to PTSD that will not leave my brain… People have been shocked that even “happy” movies that are supposed to make the viewer feel good afterwards have left me feeling sick and weaker (Shawshank Redemption and Harold & Maude for example). As a result, I seem like a persnickety person who is frightened of every single movie and has a narrow mindset, unwilling to broaden his horizons.
I don’t know. One could see it that way, but on the other hand, I feel that I’m safeguarding myself against even MORE trauma. Yes, I need to see a doctor for help on this, but at the same time, I don’t think this is something I want to CURE. I take pride in my sensitivity and my recognition of it…and only pray that it won’t drive me insane one day. 🙁
Hi Marc, thanks for the comment. What you describe can be a difficult thing for other people to understand. You are filtering the world through your sensitivity, including movies!
Hi Kelly,
I just discovered your site and podcasts and am now in the middle of a marathon binge-read! Thank you for the wonderful job you do and for reaching out to those of us who always feel “out of step” with the rest of the world.
This post made me giggle a bit. I haven’t seen “Inside Out”, but I have always thought I must be the only one in the world that would always….I repeat ALWAYS…cry at the end of Finding Nemo! I think my son always thought I was a little bit nuts but now that he is 13 and I am still crying when it comes on TV…he KNOWS I am! lol…..
Keep up the excellent work!
Thanks Lorri!!
Netflix documentaries do this to me. I gravitate toward non-fiction, but hot dang, is most of it ever sad. I still watch them though. The truth seeker in me just has to know how the world lives, no matter how depressing or dark their reality is.
YES!!! Me too! Truth seeker–great phrase.
I found this movie hard to watch also. I like the idea of this movie and found it really surprising and intelligent. BUT, i also found it really sad, and found myself exhausted at the end. I was actually kind of angry at Bing Bong the imaginary friend for being so cute and pathetic and making me feel so sad!
While this movie was hard to watch, at least i didnt leave the theater with traumatic scenes stuck in my brain for the rest of my life!
totally agree!!
I do like the theme of the movie, that’s OK to feel emotion instead of repressing them, that we can change our emotions to memories and so on, but i think it can be done without being so dramatic.
I think it shows how, even though being an HSP can have it’s downsides, it means that we’re more aware and don’t need extremely traumatic scenes to be moved. Probably explains a lot about why I envision horror in a VERY different way!
I have had my own ideas for movies and such, but it never involved such emotional scenes, they were more hedonistic in their approach. Based off of dreams, too!
I just happened upon this looking some things up… and you are spot on about inside out. I won’t ever watch it again. I’m behind the times, it’s August of 2023 and i saw it less than two months ago for the first time when we showed it to kids where I worked. But because we had to be strong around kids, crying was not an option…at least while watching… their sporty counselor could not cry over that… right? So it’s a balance. Some of the others may have hid their cry strategically for whatever reason. I’ll respect that. But as a HSP that has never been understood as such as a product of a pragmatic family, I can say that inside out is a nearly impossible watch in a public setting for an HSP. The sheer emotional overwhelm is akin to Old Yeller ending, Love Leads the Way ending, Marley and me, Hachi, etc… except it’s deeper because whereas HSPs love animals deeply, inside out literally takes you through the heart wrenching times of a human child in the saddest self and brings it to you.
Anyway I’m glad I saw this… so I’m writing this in support even if you may not see it this much later.
Thank you for this to respond to.