A couple months ago, I fostered a dog and ended up adopting her. It was my first experience ever caring for a pet. It was like a whole new world for me, and I found myself reading tons of online articles about dogs and watching YouTube videos on training, grooming, health….and dog rescues.
I began following a number of local dog rescues on Facebook and enjoyed hearing about animals that were found, fostered, and adopted. It makes your heart feel full to see a neglected animal in the arms of their new family, healthy and cared for.
Then I discovered a page made specifically to help dogs at a high-kill shelter.
On this page, there are pleas for individual dogs where people can pledge money in hopes that a rescue organization will get the dog out of the shelter. It’s uplifting when someone posts “Rescued!” or “Adopted!” on that particular dog’s comments.
But then, sometimes, it says “RIP”. It means the dog wasn’t saved in time. It was euthanized.
It is so hard to look at a photo of a dog and know it is dead. It makes my heart hurt.
Jim says to me, “Why are you looking at this page? You just know it’s going to make you sad.” And of course, he’s right.
And I don’t really get it either. WHY do I do it? I plan on fostering another dog soon, and I love to see when dogs are saved, but why do I continue to go back to this page when I know it will make me sad because more have been killed?
Then, a few days ago….was the first one that made me cry. It was a tiny, terrified chihuahua in a cage. Normally, I’m not a big fan of chihuahuas, but the way he was imploring the camera, crouching in fear, his big black eyes so full of the desire for someone to care for him made me burst out crying and my heart ache…Because he was killed.
I just keep looking at this picture. Over and over. Looking into his eyes….like I can feel his fear. . . . .
I get angry about these high kill shelters and have fleeting, passionate thoughts about starting a rescue organization or volunteering at one, or finding a way to foster many more dogs, but none of those things are practical. I do think, “someday I am going to make a difference. I have to do something about this.”
Why do I keep visiting this page? Do I want to feel the hurt?
An anonymous commenter on this blog left some great insight that helped me understand why I do this.
Looking at photos of dogs on the dog rescue Facebook pages confirms to myself that it is an important issue to me–and the pain functions as the sign that it is important.
Regarding the chihuahua–I didn’t want his life to be invisible. I didn’t want him to die without anybody caring about his life and death. He existed. His sadness and pain didn’t disappear when he died; I felt it for him.
Kelly, an HSP is a deeply caring person. You care about others’ pain and loneliness, regardless of species. I absolutely have to set limits on this stuff too. (Though human dying and grief is whay I write about, I have some kind of professional buffer.)
You must take care of yourself in this regard. Say goodbye to the puppy and know that s/he is at the Rainbow Bridge.
I was hoping you would comment on this post because you have a lot of experience dealing with grief. Thank you 🙂 I love the phrase “rainbow bridge”. It’s just so perfect and comforting. Still makes me sad, though…
I just found your site today and finally feel like I’ve found a “home” where people understand why I am the way I am. I had never heard the term HSP before but that is exactly what I am. Thank you so much for being a voice for people like me!
I call it emotional cutting. It’s like self-torture and you can’t seem to stop. I will find myself listening to a song that makes me sad or watching sad movies and being so overwhelmed with someone else’s sad story that I can barely go about my day. I have no idea why I do that. I used to work with racehorses and would internalize their pain and suffering like it was actually happening to me.
Deborah, how do you suggest setting limits on this sad stuff that we are seemingly drawn to?
Emotional cutting–YES. That is exactly what it is! Thank you for your comment and for this so-accurate phrase!! I am going to add that to this post. I am glad you like the site 🙂
Omg emotional cutting is a great term and I didn’t know I did this until reading your comment. If you have anything tips to reroute let me know!
Hi Kelly,
I’ve just started following your posts. This particular one got my attention because I do this too. And I have discovered that we as HSP have a high need to feel deeply. It fulfills us AND WE ARE BLESSED. And because we are humans we are cannot separate which feelings that we want to feel. God made us to feel ALL feelings. And because us HSP are deep feelers we can go from deeply feeling happiness and joy to deeply feeling sadness and hurt. We also NATURALLY want to take the pain away from others including animals. It makes us who we are.
Mathew 5:7 MSG “You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care – full,’ you find yourself cared for”
And as a response to Ry about emotional cutting- Cutting is a way for unresourceful people to relieve themselves of a deeper emotional pain. It releases endorphins to feel better and have control. Is this what’s happening to some of you?
Hi Johnnie, thanks for your nice comment and for reading the site! In regards to emotional cutting, how would you recommend for someone to stop, or what is a better alternative? (my example of emotional cutting in this post was looking at pictures of dogs in a high-kill shelter.)
Late to the party here (just found this website today-wow!), but wanted to comment on this post since the question you’ve posed and the phenomenon you describe is definitely something I think about (and beat myself up over) quite a bit. I’m HSP and incredibly passionate about social justice (or, as you and others might say, I’m very “socially conscious”). When I go down this rabbit hole (e.g., watching videos, reading articles, etc. that get my blood boiling), I tend to think of it as sort of recharging or re-energizing my passion for/about something (e.g., a change I want to help bring about or an injustice that I want to fight against). For example, with certain political issues that I feel strongly about (LGBT rights, mass incarceration, police brutality, racial and economic inequality, etc.) I often find myself watching videos or reading articles that I know will make my blood boil because I want to feel INSPIRED to go out and fight the good fight on behalf of the people and communities (or animals, for that matter) who are suffering and in need of advocacy. For me, anger is quite often what fuels/motivates me to keep on fighting for what’s right and to just keep CARING in general. I will even make matters worse (really digging that figurative knife-in-the-skin a little bit deeper) by reading certain [conservative] programming (e.g., Fox News) that supports the opposite side of whatever issue it is I’m riled up about just to see what the “other” side is saying. I will torture myself with how much injustice is in the world just so I feel motivated to continue being a “good,” socially conscious person. Like you and many others in our community, I feel deeply connected to animals and find myself clicking on (and subsequently sobbing at) videos of dog rescues pretty much ON THE REGULAR. Sometimes I think I just need a good cry, sometimes I like the “success story” aspect behind it, and sometimes I want to be prodded out of complacency (you know, because most people prefer not to think of such atrocious things, whereas we tend to dwell on them). Sort of like channeling my sensitiveness (whether it be rooted in anger, sadness, compassion, joy…totally depends on the day/situation) into inspiration, positive action, passion, etc. But also I think we HSPs may just be suckers for ALL THE FEELINGS…so much/many feelings (!!). Sometimes I hate it about myself (i.e., the fact that I seem to thrive on passion/feelings/empathy/etc.), but also I think this may dissipate the more I (we?) learn to not feel shame around it and just embrace it as a beautiful and special gift. I’d love to hear or read something about how to easier walk that fine line between passion and fixation; compassion/empathy and anger/indignation; social awareness and simply being overwhelmed by all the terrible stuff in the world.
Braz, thank you for the this thoughtful comment. Yes–so many much feelings! ALL the feelings! You point out some valuable things about wanting to feel passionate or invigorated about a belief or cause.
Oh wow, This is me to a T. I follow a bunch of rescue groups on facebook and most of the time they make me happy, but sometimes I’ll just burst into tears because I can’t save all of the. It’s so gut wrenching. I’m glad I’m not alone!! 🙂
Yup. In fact I was *just* looking at some dogs in a shelter on FB a few minutes ago. They need a foster, which my heart wants to do, but I know it’s not right for my household right now. Ugh, I want to help them all, they are so innocent and sweet.
I totally understand this and appreciate all the comments. My thoughts on this are that as hsp’s we need an outlet for all our feelings, and these videos/websites/songs etc let us express all the millions of feelings we experience on a daily basis. I listen to songs that make me cry often, follow particularly tragic news stories etc. On the surface, the fact that I do so seems really morbid, and quite strange, and certainly not understood by non-HSP’s, so I really appreciate this post.
WOW! I just read this and it was the “emotional cutting” part that grabbed my attention.
I’ve never “cut” myself – I’m not a cutter, in the physical sense- but when I read that title I was like “wait, I do that!” When I’m already feeling down and sad, or even depressed, I tend to, most of the time, fuel it by listening to sad music, or watching movies I know that make me cry, or something else. I FEED those emotions to “get it all out”, I tell myself. I never thought of it as emotional cutting, but I guess its the same thing. From what I understand about it, cutters cut to feel a pain to not feel another? I guess that’s what I do too. WOW, being so sensitive sucks sometimes!
I didn’t know I was HSP, but somehow I found it on podcasts, & I was shocked. I now know what I am, & I feel such a relief. Can’t wait for my weekly podcasts. As for emotional-cutting, I find it to be so true – I watch a lot of Teressa Caputo’s Long Island Medium, & I’ll be crying so much while watching people receiving messages from their dead relatives. I carry their pain with me all week long & as I do that I feel more connected to my dad who’s also passed. Weird & my family laughs at me, but I just can’t help it. I cry when I’m & I cry when I’m said. Most people especially my colleagues don’t understand me, they think I’m moody & emotional, ’cause when I’m hurting I cut off the social life, I come & sit quietly in my office for days until such time that I start healing & forgiving process. Thanks for updates, it means a lot to me.
Hi Bongi! Thanks so much for your nice comment. I am happy the podcasts mean something to you. 🙂 You are not alone!! I cry for weird things, too.
I don´t think I have understood the sense of all your comments (because I´m spanish). Sometimes I find myself thinking in something that I don´t like it or that causes me pain. Thinking the same thing again and again. Recently I realized that watching this kinds of programs for animals or things that are not good in the world, it could be because we are really looking for a solution or at least a logical and coherent answer for why this things happens (sometimes I can´t believe that many things exist in this world) Sometimes I can´t stop to think about that, believing that I have the solution, but the reality is that I hurt myself in this way. Maybe if I could understand the way of my brain I will feel better.
WOW!!!!!! I was checking the web for info of why I am who I am and why things get me so emotional. I feel others pain to the point it depresses me sometimes and I actually feel thier pain it seems-think it is also called an “empath” from what I could find. So glad I found this site and others who are the same as I am-So it is just ” me” and it is not me just being weird and overy emotional!!!