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In this episode 25, I share some quotes from people in relationships with HSPs who are fed up! They say that HSPs are selfish and don’t try to improve themselves.
This bums me out and I hope that I don’t act this way in my own relationship. Do you ever worry that your partner is ignoring their own needs to help you with yours? Let me know in the comments below.
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Resources mentioned in this episode: The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine Aron
Related posts on this blog:
- Podcast Episode #7: Explaining HSP to Your Partner
- A conversation with your non-HSP partner
- Interview: “My Partner is a Highly Sensitive Person”
- Responding to haters, yet again
Podcast music attribution: By the Coast (2004) (Antony Raijekov) / CC BY-NC 2.5
I think that non-HSP’s need to realize that we are the way we are and we can not change that. Everyone has something to deal with that others might not like or get annoyed with. I’m not saying use being an HSP as a crutch because it is truly who you are and you shouldn’t change all your ways for someone else. However, I agree with Kelly and you should be sensitive to the fact that friends, family, or significant other does have feelings too and you should not take advantage of the fact that you are an HSP. You should be understanding of them but they also need to be tolerant and understanding of you.
Hi Kelly,
I have just ended my 16 year marriage, and while I was the one that initiated the divorce, I do know that my resistance to socializing was a sore point in the relationship. And I have to admit to wondering if I used my sensitivity as a crutch sometimes. In fact, I’ve been thinking of exploring this issue on my own blog. Thanks for putting it out there so we can all think about how wearing the HSP label impacts our lives and the lives of our loved ones.
I think that most people who are HSP don’t use it as a crutch. I believe for sure that it never happens consciously, because that goes against what I think every HSP experiences. We are all sensitive to the needs of others, so we will at some point notice something is not going right. And maybe we do try to (over)protect ourselves sometimes, and then use being HSP as a crutch, but I think this only happens out of conviction it really is for the best. I am not going to yoga class today, because I am HSP. That’s what it comes down to. But is that bad? No. I do not think I could’ve acted differently. So yes, I use it to justify things, but that’s mainly because it DOES justify things.
I just want anyone who things they might have been using this as a crutch to realize that you would have known if you did. So if you didn’t realize, you were just trying to do what was best, and not making excuses. If it had been you lying to yourself, you’d know.
This was an interesting podcast Kelly. I’ve certainly benefited from all of them so far and this one got me a little stirred up. For a few reasons. Firstly I’d like to say that as this trait lies within the minority of people, it stands to reason that we who do have it really need to come to terms with there being a much smaller pool of people who really know where we are coming from. And that there will always be those whose misconstrue our reasons for doing things and being the way we are. It’s like speaking another language because you actually inhabit another land. But if we keep feeling emotionally wounded by the fact that they don’t speak our language as fluently as we do, then I feel we are wasting our energy on futile pursuits. And damaging ourselves. At some point we need to be mentally intelligent and see it for what it is. The point shouldn’t be to need every rewiewer and other person to get us. The point is that we get us and that we get on with the business of being us totally. I’m saying this as I need to hear it! And I highly doubt a non HSP would ever ignore their own needs to help you with yours. That’s not how they operate. It’s the HSP who self abandon. We also need to be aware of projecting our MO onto others. Is it just me or is the pod cast turning a little down on the HSP reality. As I listened some things upset me, I hear a little self doubt creeping into Kelly at times and I do that myself a lot, so I understand. But I remind myself that everyone I listen to on the net is still a work in progress, and not a finished master piece yet. Myself included. And I definitely want to thank Kelly sincerely for putting herself and all this information out there for me to find. It’s courageous and generous work.
There is such a thing as using high sensitivity as a crutch but I’m not sure if the partners are qualified to say that. None of them said whether they went to couples therapy. My therapist recommends laddering to cope: that is taking small steps to reach a big goal.
Loved your podcast! So relatable!