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Are you ever sorry about being sorry? Have you apologized to inanimate objects?
Because HSPs are observant to social cues and other people’s feelings, we tend to be very polite. And not only do HSPs have good manners, we notice when other people’s don’t.
Podcast music attribution: By the Coast (2004) (Antony Raijekov) / CC BY-NC 2.5
I moved from a small town to a big city a few years ago and STILL can’t seem to get over the lack of manners here. It really gets under my skin. I’ve been getting better about it, but it still irritates me when people don’t say “excuse me” or “thank you”. I never really connected it to being highly sensitive, but it totally makes sense! Thanks for your insight!
Very good points! And we innately keep the politeness coming even when we are being mistreated! I think it takes less energy.
Interesting. You know, that makes me think of something–I avoid conflict at all costs. So if I face mistreatment with more politeness, I’m trying to fight off that uncomfortable conflict!
I agree I avoid conflict ..It totally unnerves me for hours after everyone else is finished and moved on.. I especially hate conflict later in the evening because I will literally be up half the night..trying to relive everything in my brain.. Trying to figure out how I could have prevented or helped to resolve the conflicting issues better
90% of the stress in my life comes from neighbors, family and strangers I encounter during my commute to work, when I am out and when I am just living life. I have an extremely difficult time with the lack of consideration. I don’t mean I want everyone to go out of their way to be nice to me or do nice things for me but simple consideration for another human being. Something that seems so basic to me seems to be the farthest from anyone else’s thoughts. For example, on the train in the morning, years ago if you wanted to sit and someone had their things ont he empty seat beside them you would say “excuse me”. If you wanted to be let out when getting off you would say “excuse me”. Now, after about 10 years of not riding the train the new proticol is to just glare into the flesh of the person you want to move and telepathically let them know you want something. This makes me crazy!
This has become a huge issue for me in that it stresses me too much and I still haven’t figured out a way to let it go.
I am a native New Yorker, and I am very used to impolite people.
As an HSP, I notice it, but have learned [the hard way] not to take it personally. I don’t waste time trying to make up excuses for people. I know at any given time every person on this planet is dealing with their own “stuff.”
Having said that, rude is still rude. I am not polite for their sake, I am polite because it is the right thing to do. I guess I have become a bit pessimistic I think people are mainly rude and if I have to be in the minority of those with manners then I’ll take one or two for the team of decency.
While listening to your pod cast regarding politeness I found myself empathizing with your examples of rude encounters (ie: holding the door without a ‘thank you’. Glad I’m not the only one who says ‘You’re welcome’ when people are rude enough to ignore me!) and interrupting you in my head with “Yeah, but what about when….” My apologies for that. However since I’ve admitted to interrupting you wouldn’t signing off now be like starting a joke and never delivering the punch-line? In lieu of that, and since so very many of my pet peeves center on rude and ill-mannered behavior I shall mention but a few here:
Whatever happened to the “thank you” wave for letting a drive cut into a line of traffic or stopping for someone to cross the street? Do laws necessitating the stopping of motor vehicles for pedestrians in cross walks negate those same pedestrians from thankfully acknowledging you? That’s sounds a bit like saying “well, it’s his JOB to support the family so thanks isn’t really necessary…” Or how about not cleaning up after your pet? Or not throwing your garbage in a can because the window is closer and hey, who wants garbage in their car?
I think that what REALLY annoys me the most about things like this is that, as a Highly Sensitive Introvert I spend a LOT of time thinking about others and how my actions and words (or lack of the same) are likely to affect a situation so that when I encounter such rudeness (which seems so very prevalent today!) I cannot help but feel like I am fighting a losing battle. And then, when I don’t hold a door or let someone cut into a long line of traffic I feel badly about that too! It’s like sometimes I just CAN’T WIN!
In your pod cast you rightly observed that ‘well, you don’t know what that person is experiencing right now…’ and that is absolutely true. HOWEVER, I would note that there was a time in our society when one’s sense of social propriety was not influenced by what sort of a day one was having – manners were manners were manners and people used them to smooth the way and create a sense of security in their daily social interactions. This reality is what bothers me the most when I experience others’ failures – not to mention my own! – in offering something as simple as a thank-you for someone taking the time and making the effort to consider our fellow man. To me, it speaks of a horrific rise in the notion of personal entitlement and indicates a serious erosion of our responsibilities as human beings one to another.
I totally get it, Greg!! 🙂 Sadly, there isn’t anything we can do to change other people. If they are going to be rude, that sucks, but it’s probably not worth getting angry over, you know? (Although sometimes it’s hard not to!)
just one quick note that came to my mind: Whenever someone in a movie says: “I love you” it really has to be closed with something like “I love you too” if that doesnt happen, i cant even concentrate on how the movie goes on.
I laughed out loud at apologizing to inanimate objects because it happens to me all the time. Yesterday I thought I elbowed someone but really it was my own purse. 🙁
Hello Kelly, this is Alva from Spain! Im an hsp and your audios helped me a lot. I want to ask you if I can translate your audios into Spanish so people arround here can access them. We barely have information about hsp in Spanish. If you are interested, please contact me.
Thank you a lot!
Maybe it’s due to my autism, but I have trouble with being polite! It could be due to the combination of being HSP and autistic, but I have trouble with saying thanks or please through verbal communication. Though I have my own way of saying it. I use gestures, oddly primate ones most likely due to me being nonverbal for a long period of my childhood.
Lip smacking and a quick raising of eyebrows as a way of saying “I like you! Let’s be friends!” or as a way of saying please and thank you, usually coupled with a hug and, if it’s accepted, grooming. Sometimes, I might even have a more “bonobo” desire to express my thanks, which means that when I’m thankful, I REALLY mean it! Though this does cause me stress at times.
I’m so glad I’m not alone in all of this. Here I am, diagnosed bipolar, but come to find that there’s a little more to my pie. I am definitely an HSP. The two podcasts I’ve listened to are pretty much spot on for me. I identify with this dialog 100%.
Thank you for being you and giving those like myself some clarity and a soft hand for support.