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One of the reasons being a Highly Sensitive Person is tough is because a lot of people don’t believe that high sensitivity is a legitimate thing.
This episode 39 is about dealing with those haters. It’s a little heavy on the sarcasm and ranty-ness, so fair warning.
Here’s one of the haterade examples from the episode:
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Podcast music attribution: Bust This Bust That (Professor Kliq) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Good podcast Kelly! I’d be afraid to talk about being an HSP with some family members and friends because I know they’d say some of the closed-minded things you mentioned, and I am not good at debating, and then I’d feel awful about their comments. But you have some great responses. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy these podcasts, and I just got your book, and that has been so helpful, too. The book tells what HSPs go through in such a conversational, easily understood way and covers so many good topics; there was a need for something like that. Thank you.
Thanks so much for your kind comments, Diana! I just looked at your Flickr page and your pictures are so gorgeous!! I felt like I took a breath of fresh autumn air.
I miss listening to your podcast!!! It’s so good, so amazing, and it really helps me feel calm. Will you be returning with more episodes?
Thank you so much!! I’m happy you liked the show. I don’t have plans to re-start the podcast at this point. 🙁
‘Toughen up!’ – I guess, most of us would love to and, if lucky, to a certain extend do. But there are limits to it – as an HSP, I’m always surprised by the lack of awareness some people display, completely unaware of their impact on others. At the same time, I envy them because they’re either oblivious to other people’s actions or deal with the when unhappy. So if they can cope there’s no reason others couldn’t, isn’t it?!
HSP trait is a thing. Sometimes an unfortunate one.
This is such a timely topic for me. I am trying to come to grips with the reality that most people don’t have a clue what it’s like to be us. I finally realized that most people I spend time with don’t notice when their noisy, chaotic behavior is overwhelming me, so they don’t understand why I shut down and retreat. I’ve vowed to try to explain, but I have a huge internal resistance, which I believe stems from being told so many times in childhood that I should just toughen up or — even worse — being treated as though I were faking it.
Of course, now I choose to explain only to people who are good friends and care about me, so I am working on setting aside all the scenarios in my mind and just having the conversation. So far, the two people I’ve talked to do believe me, but it’s so far from their own experience that they don’t fully understand. And they keep being boisterous and assaulting me with their words (not intending to be unkind) and not noticing my reaction. So I have to keep saying it in words, which is really hard when the noise/energy level is already overwhelming for me. I also feel guilty when it seems like I’m asking them to suppress themselves because I’m “so delicate” (another script from childhood).
It’s worth the effort, though, since these are people I love and want to spend time with — as opposed to the haters, who I think are hopeless — and I want to eliminate their influence on me and concentrate on people who aren’t haters, but who want to learn.
Karen, congrats for making the attempt to explain high sensitivity to your friends. I’m sure it is nerve-wracking but hopefully it helps your relationship. I don’t like words like “delicate” but I guess that is how we can appear to others, sometimes. I like how you say, “concentrate on people who aren’t haters, but who want to learn.” I totally get that!
Thanks for the sarcasm Kelly. No need to apolagise for it. I feel exactly thee same way and have experianced a lot of ignorance from similar closed minded “nay sayers”!
Whilst the average person aparnelty doesnt seem to understand HSP’s, quite often I feel that the average person is rather glib and superficoial in the ability to feel any depth to thier emotions at all, let alone empathy, which is why we have a society that is based on dominace and control that likes to belittle people that don’t fit into a cultural norm.
Thank you for this podcast! A constant source of irritation is when people act as if speaking of HSP is a ploy to be different or gain attention. How ridiculous! If I wanted attention from people I wouldn’t “brag” about being uncomfortable with it, or how being in a crowd drains me.
I don’t expect sympathy. Just respect as anyone else would when sharing information about themselves. Or at the very least the benefit of the doubt that I am not “making up” things. Every attempt to share this trait is an attempt to educate people on why I may not react as they are use to, and a genuine effort to manage their expectations.
I guess some celebrity or public figure will have to draw attention to it before it’s accepted as a “real” thing.
You know, that kind of hate makes me think of this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmLNs6zQIHo
“And if I had a brain, if I had a brain, I’d be cold as a stone, and rich as the fool who turned all those good hearts away.”
Nice song! 🙂 thanks for sharing.
The haters you discussed sounds very much like my sisters. They hated me for being sensitive and threw me out of our apartment 3 times. Anyway, I hope you continue educating people about this trait, because I don’t think my sisters will ever listen to me, and I suspect that a lot of HSP’s experience this too.
It’s hard when the world doesn’t understand you, but it’s a lot harder when even your family members don’t. 🙂
I am so glad I have listened to this episode, Kelly. I’ve published a similar rant-ish blog post on HSP haters some time ago and I’ve always felt a little embarrassed whenever I read it again. Now I understand it’s a perfectly normal thing that comes with blogging about HSP 😉
Hi Pieter, I’m glad I’m not the only HSP who gets a little riled up sometimes! Where is your post, I’d like to read it?? 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
It’s written in Dutch, but here’s the Yoda-like translation by Google Translate: https://translate.google.nl/translate?hl=nl&sl=nl&tl=en&u=http%3A%2F%2Fhswerknemer.nl%2Fover-hoogsensitieve-werknemers-meningen-en-scheten-in-de-wind%2F
The “leave me alone” headline sounds like clickbait. Maybe they’re not trying to insult HSP’s but they picked an inflammatory title because they think it will boost traffic. That’s a very common problem and I read a lot of articles where the headline doesn’t reflect the content. Whatever the intent, it’s harmful.
I can usually tell when it’s trolling! “Just…” is a great way to tell!
But is that what you get when 80 percent of the population is NOT HSP? Does anyone think the world would be better if there were more HSPs? I honestly think the world would be better in some ways.