Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS“Sure, I can work late tonight.”
“Yeah, you can crash at my place.”
“I can babysit, no problem.”
“I can lend you some money.”
Do these sound familiar? These are things a people pleaser might say….at their own expense. People pleasers take on too much and have a hard time saying “no”. Their desire to please others and be seen as important and helpful can lead to overwhelm and resentment.
In this episode, I talk about why people have a have time saying No and some ways to stop being a pushover.
Other resources on being a people pleaser:
- How to stop being a people pleaser from Oprah.com (great article!)
- Dr. Elaine Aron on sensitivity to criticism
Podcast music attribution: Bust This Bust That (Professor Kliq) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
I have that issue as well. For example, Its hard for me to go to trips with other people. I love to take a walk in the park, go to a book store or an art museum on my vacation. Its hard to find others with the same interests, so I just go along with what they want to do to make them happy. So I end up at some bar or nightclub feeling uncomfortable and trying to be social. The way I found around the issue is to travel solo. I would recommend that to anyone who is an HSP in a similar situation.
Thanks for sharing, Keith! Traveling solo is something a lot of people are afraid of but it feels amazing!! There is so much freedom. Just going along with what others want is a recipe for discontent–I can relate to that for sure! Thanks for the comment.
I travel solo for the same reason. I believe it’s because I would rather control the situation and as well, be free from stress, demands and mostly disappointment. I have been practicing saying “no” because I do not like obligation, yet the fear of reaction causes me to say “yes.” NO is working, but it is taking baby steps. I do love the reward of setting boundaries though.
This is really the case for me, it appears in another ways but the pleasing is always there. I’m really on the journey of understading it and trying to change my relationship with this feeling.
Thank you for your work, it’s very important for the HSPs out there!
I feel so good reading about this! I am a hsp forma sure! Its amazing how you have put words into feelings that i have had since child and i didnt recognized them until now… I also thought it was lack of self esteem, i couldt explain others (or even myself) why i could not say “no”, or way i kept up all night because i couldnt stop thinking about how to make someone feel better about a problem it wasnt my fault…. So… There a word for me! Hsp! Im glad! Thanks!!
I’m so glad you like it! Thanks for your comment.
I havent problem with say no but with said that someone shouldnt treat me with bad way, for example I have colleague who often talk to me that I am stupid person (without reason) and it hurts me but I canot say anything. One reason why I cannot say anything is because I am always suprise. I am nice and emapthetic person and I think that everybody is like me. I hate to hurt people because when I hurt someone I also feel very bad. Last time when he did it again I really want to say something but I didnt know what to say.
I also hate when people give me a good advices. It make me crazy. Maybe because I am introvert person a lot of my friend always said to me what I should do. I really hate that because there is a lot of situation where they dont know nothing about my situation and of course I cant tell to someone that I dont need this “good” advices. Maybe you could made a speach about “good” advices.
Hi Olga, thanks for your comment. When people give advice, I think they mean well, but it can come across poorly. I actually have to stop myself from giving advice, because I really want to help people, but I’m learning that it’s better to listen and give empathy rather than trying to solve people’s problems. Thank for the suggestion; I should definitely write about this!
Thank you! 🙂
I am a little late to this podcast but I just wanted to say thank you for the advice. It sounded like you were 100% describing me. I feel so burnt out almost all of the time, from saying yes to everything work related and in my home life.
I’m pretty sure it all stems from trying to make sure my mum was always happy when I was a child after my dad died. I’ll try and follow the advice you have given and see how it goes! Thank you xx