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Have you ever gotten into an argument about politics with a family member or co-worker and you got really angry and fired up? Have you ever gotten into a fight online with a complete idiot?
Then, did you later find yourself turning over the events in your head, getting angry all over again? Then you felt a little sheepish about it?
This episode is about just that–when we HSPs get passionate and fired up about our opinions, we sometimes forget that we have a choice about whether or not to get upset. Here are some tips on how to deal with those people who really know how to push your buttons.
Podcast music attribution: Bust This Bust That (Professor Kliq) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
I’ve come to realize that one of my less attractive qualities is the need to always be right and to have my rightness acknowledged. I think this is the common trait among people who get into arguments on the Internet and with coworkers. I don’t think you have to be HSP to have this trait, although being HSP probably does exacerbate it by causing everything to feel more personal than it is. I find it helps me to stop, before I post that comment or respond to that wrongheaded remark, and think how the conversation is likely to play out and whether there is anything to be gained from it. And guess what? I’ve never once thought, “I’m going to convince this person they’re wrong and I’m right, and the world will benefit!” So I don’t engage in a lot of Internet commenting, and when a poorly informed coworker tries to talk politics with me, I just nod and smile vacantly, no matter how great my urge to demolish them with a barrage of facts.
Hey Another Kelly! I totally agree. There is usually no “winning” one of these arguments, so why waste the energy?! 🙂
I am going through a conflict with a lady because I avoided having conflict with her and made it worse. She gets “passionate” as we are working through and it makes me very anxious. I can also feel critised, judged, like a baby, etc but it is mainly I feel like she is angry and ‘yelling’ at me. This is not new as a child my parents only had to look at me for most correction. I just even don’t like people upset with me.
As I read through your website I can see she doesn’t get my sensitive nature at all. But somehow I need to move her way and be understanding of her personality too. It would be a good topic to cover, HSP in conflict.
HSP in conflict is a good idea. Also bullying and HSPs. And anger, particularly anger that’s caused by bullying, dismissive attitudes, and the multitude of things we HSP people deal with day to day. It gets extremely frustrating to live in such a harsh world. The anger and lack of trust in humanity can be real for sensitive people who have had to deal with bullies and people enforcing their personal agendas with the bulldozer technique. I’m thinking I’m not alone with suppressed anger and, until recently, I wouldn’t have labeled it as anger. It really can come out in a lot of self-destructive ways though.
I thought this was incredibly interesting, and I find myself being able to relate completely. The issue I have, is that the person that sends me into a rage is my mother. I have tried very hard for many years to be neutral, to not engage, not let it bother me. But every single time we talked she would find a way to interject with deeply divisive comments. It felt like a continual assault, and so I started to speak up for myself and voice my different opinions. You can imagine, it did not go well. All this to say, what does everyone else do when this is a personal relationship, and it feels like toxic assault? Do you just walk away, end the relationship due to irreconcilable differences to preserve your well being?