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Have you ever thought: “If only I could quit my job, everything would be better.” And you daydream about following your passions, or traveling, or going after that business idea you’ve always fantasized about?
But you know, deep down, that you will never quit your office job, for whatever reason. And that makes you feel trapped and stifled.
Well, hopefully today’s episode will make you feel a bit better. Visions of how the “grass is greener on the other side” often have little grounding in reality. Wishful goals that haven’t been set can’t be reached–and reaching for those unset goals will only leave you disappointed.
Related content on this blog:
- Changing your job: where to start?
- For HSPs, jobs are more than a paycheck
- Here’s the best job for a highly sensitive person
- Is self employment the best for HSPs?
- “Freedom” isn’t a Goal
NOTE:
There are some things I omitted in this episode that I regret:
- I somewhat generalize “office jobs”. I realize that all jobs and situations are different.
- If you want to leave your job, I’m not saying you shouldn’t. I meant the focus of this episode to be those people who say they hate their job but won’t take steps to change it.
A perspective from the other side: I actually am living the dream you describe. I worked for 25 years in a very stressful but interesting and lucrative profession, until it literally made me sick. Fortunately, I had enough money to quit, and the process of recovering my health enabled me to learn a lot about myself, including my HSP and introverted nature — revealing just how big a mismatch my profession was for me! I found other enriching ways to occupy my time, including spending most of this year living in Paris and travelling around Europe, a lifelong dream. I feel incredibly lucky to have survived and to have gained my financial independence, and I am very happy in my new life.
From this perspective, let me contribute some additional advice to your excellent podcast.
If your “If Only” scenario is never going to happen (as Kelly says), but you still don’t want to spend the rest of your life in your current situation, find a realistic alternative that you can work for, and make choices to support moving towards it, even if it is years away. In the meantime, do what you can to make your current situation as good as it can be, or at least to minimize the damage it does to you. Be conscious of what you will give up, as well as what you will gain, when you are able to realize your realistic alternative. There are always tradeoffs (Kelly mentions examples), and knowing this will make it easier to be patient.
And finally, remember that no matter how your circumstances may change, you will still be you, and it’s always worth it to understand yourself and take care of yourself. Don’t wait until you are in the perfect job, or have all the money you need, or whatever your dream may be, to honor your HSP nature.
I can so relate to this podcast… I feel like a big job hopper. I know that I’m smart and well-educated, but I’ve jumped from teaching to communications within the past 10 years. I consistently find myself unhappy in both roles. And I completely empathize with the “grass is always greener” side once you leave a job. It’s so easy to forget why you were so miserable in the first place and see the better sides of a job.
On the other side of that token, I’m definitely learning to embrace my “traits” and how they can affect my work atmosphere. I feel like we live in the era of cultural fits in corporate environments, but being an introverted HSP is definitely not a coveted quality. I’m a creative person who needs time, silence, and my space to work… And to be completely honest, people just annoy rather than inspire.
Over these past 10 years, I’ve had shingles, ulcers, panic attacks, a breakdown… I know that I need balance and that the root of those issues are my job. I’ve just received a content management position at a direct selling company, and I fundamentally do not believe in direct selling. I feel like a hypocrite. But I love blogging and writing, and have the chance to restructure their blog… yet write content that I don’t necessarily agree with. On my spare time, I manage my own personal blog and write for different outlets to feed that passion.
But, I’m at a crossroads feeling stuck. And although your podcast was amazing in that I should be grateful for the benefits, 401K, and stability, my body is obviously telling me something else where my head is going in a different direction. I am really unhappy with my career, and I don’t know what will make that better. Like you mentioned, it’s probably a lifelong issue no matter what you do if you follow your passion and it’s probably better to find HSP and stress coping strategies. Because jumping from job to job every two years is definitely not doing the trick, and I’m only getting older!
Okay, I’m going to listen to more of your podcasts now. 😉
Hi Brighid! Thanks so much for your note. I can relate to what you said about working at a place where you don’t like the fundamental beliefs (direct selling) but liking other aspects of it. I once temped for a direct mail/marketing company and felt those conflicts. There are some things I omitted in this episode that I regret, though. I didn’t want to make it sound like people shouldn’t change their job–I was hoping to provide some reflection on those people who hate their job but won’t take any steps to change it. If your body and mind are screaming for a change and you are brave enough to do it, by all means, do it!! 🙂 Did you see this post: http://highlysensitiveperson.net/hsps-jobs-more-than-paycheck/ it might be interesting. 🙂
I wish I had found this 6 weeks ago! I quit my job and am now starting my own business as a coach. I want to be a coach but it’s hard work not working with people (I’m one of the 30% extraverted HSPs). I left my job because I felt that there was an unfair decision made, I never loved my job but I could have kept going for a while longer if I’d implemented your advice.
I’m glad that I found this podcast. I just found out that I’m HSP. I thought I just INFP or enneagram type 4.. or simply introvert but none of these can explained accurrately what I experienced including (physically) more sensitive then “normal” person. I thought I just physically weak.
The biggest reason why I desperately to get to know (or who I am) because currently I’m struggling to decide exactly what this podcast discussed. I really want to escape my job.
Long story short. The reason I want to escape is because cannot stand my “new” boss. I can’t explained “why” to non HSP because It would be normal (what it should be) in corporate world. But somehow I’m sure I’ve been manipulated and scrutinized by her while she taking all the credit. Like she come and ruin/ take everything away: my relationship/ communication with my big boss, my position, my client relationship, my relationship with coworker (she “complaining” about my closeness with coworker and she really like my coworker), even my salary (she cut 35% of my salary with dirty way).
I feel exhausted and angry all time, and these affected my behaviour and well being so much to the negative direction. I feel cannot think clearly anymore.
This podcast remind me that yes it would not be easy for me to do self employment knowing my nature (time management etc). And yes, so many positive things at work that I can grateful for.
But right now I really consume with anger and feel stupid and powerless.
Hopefully I could apply your advise, that we choose how to react.
Also, I jump to podcast #56 and that was very good insight and I totally agree that it all depend…
Again, thank you and so glad I found you (blog & podcast). & sorry if it sound babling… I almost never leave comment in blog/ podcast.