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Two acquaintances in the same week made similar comments to me out of nowhere: that they felt behind, like they weren’t getting enough done in their work and businesses. It made me sad to hear that they were struggling and not feeling good about themselves.
I can totally relate to the feeling of underachievement. I felt inspired to try to help those of us who can never live up to our own expectations. In this episode, I talk about:
- How we compare ourselves to others on social media, even though we know it’s not reality
- How happiness can only be now–not the future
- Never being content; always wanting “the other thing”
- How we should stop saying “I should….”
- ….And stop beating ourselves up.
Note: The advice in this episode isn’t for everyone. I was hoping to reach a subset of people who needed this advice, but realize it is not totally universal.
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Podcast music attribution: Bust This Bust That (Professor Kliq) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Thank you for speaking about this topic! I tend to feel unaccomplished or unreliabe whenever I don’t finish a task or project in a reasonable amount of time. Whether it’s work related, a favor for a friend or family member, or just from myself, I feel like I’m trapped in a corner and can’t breathe. It’s very overwhelming. But recently, I’ve been able to change my approach to these situations by trying to view each task separately instead of in one huge bulk although I have a tendency to revert to my old way of thinking from time to time. This episode couldn’t have come at better time since I have just been assigned a lengthy list of time sensitive responsibilities at work. Thanks again, keep up the good work!
I’m so glad, Arlee!!! I needed to hear it, so I thought maybe others would find it useful, too!! 🙂
Hope all is well with you and we all love your podcast.
In regards to your episode, I always feel overwhelmed and insufficient in many things I have to do. Whether it be daily chores or other tasks I feel like I’m always behind and getting nowhere in every aspect of my life and failing as a whole. I take two steps forward and a million back. If that’s even possible!?
I don’t know how people do it. Even the most basic things I hear can get me in a panic attack like someone reading 4-5 books a week. I can barely get through one a week, even though I’m an avid reader,due to my concentration levels which are mainly caused by distractions in my life.
These distractions can range from things I know I must do like call my family or relationship issues (and procrastinate out of fear), especially when one’s partner or family doesn’t get the whole HSP trait they have and see it as a sign of weakness it can be a scary journey.
When I look around me I see people purposefully going from one place to another and they seem very busy and I ask myself ” Do I need to be doing something?” “Is there something I have to do?” or fall into a similar negative mindset. It really puts me down and I just wish I could be someone who is already successful or has the goods to be ahead of others.
As a person I just can’t put myself together. I’m bad at doing things cause firstly theirs that pressure and secondly my mind is so chaotic I can’t prioritize my thoughts on anything for that matter. Even though I read self help books and blogs I can’t seem to apply it to my own life so I feel overwhelmed, behind and lost.
I am an adult and know I should have achieved more in my life by now. I get caught up in things like a relationship and fall of track in other aspects. I can never seem to catch up and find that balance.
I really don’t know what to do and will only keep doing what I’m doing now as we all fall back into habit mode, so I will probably be in the same cycle until the day I die.
It’s like I need guidance but don’t have access to someone who can help me. I don’t know even what that someone can do for me to not fall behind and be overwhelmed cause I am highly sensitive and will probably feel uncomfortable if I did find that person.
Anyway sorry for going on and on. It’s truly hard to describe something like this in words.
Thank you for this episode. I will try and take something away to learn from it but doubt I will be capable of not feeling like the world is going on without me.
Have an awesome week!
Thanks so much for sharing. The thoughts you shared here are the exact things I was trying to address in this episode! I feel a lot of those same thoughts. I think speaking to a therapist could be helpful. It is good to hear–from someone else, a professional–that you aren’t alone in how you feel and that you aren’t as behind in life as you thought. I hope you feel better!!
What is enough? Society as a whole has gone overboard to an extent that the Belgian psychiatrist, Dirk de Wacher, attributes borderline personality traits to our society. We are living on a hype and negative emotions are not condoned. This is excessive. In addition, when you are more sensitive you are likely to turn the psychological volume a lot lower than most of our fellow human beings would do even under circumstances that are more “normal.” Our fellow sensitves who manage to scrape together enough energy to write books, blogs, “to be a movie star,” etc. do not help us in that. These are usually the types that have a lot more energy than the rest of us (which is fine) but because of this the bulk of the sensitives are left out in the cold. I am very sure that a lot of HSP would enjoy a simple use of their time and with that I mean a lot simpler. We have to earn a living but how far do you want to go? All in all this issue goes way deeper for most of us, at least it does for me.
Thanks for posting this podcast Kelly. I feel soooo much better about myself now 🙂
Have you listened to the podcast called The One You Feed? I think you’d really enjoy it.
Hi Rebecca, I actually have heard this podcast because Oliver Burkeman was on it! 🙂 I just downloaded some more episodes due to your recommendation, though. 🙂 Thank you!!
Really enjoyed the podcast. Oliver really understood what I have personally gone through and am going through. Great job.
Ahh, how very ironic that the dog started barking just as you were talking about how everyone tries to put forward a perfectly polished image. It helped that you said what it was, and it was.
Great decision to leave it in rather than re-record and edit to make a polished image. 🙂
Hi…loce yr podcast…i want to make a plea for social media. I agree that our brains have a tendency to compare our lives to the pictures of our friends, but i don’t think our friends are purposely propping themselves up to look perfect. That’s where I think we are giving social media a bad wrap.
It’s ok to post a happy moment..a proud moment..its not wrong to show happiness..i believe there is much work to mutually celebrate our community and much work to resist the negative/comparison bias..And that includes the responsibility of people publicly repeating that negative and narrow conclusion.
Hi Kelly. It seems I have discovered these podcasts long after they were made but I’m enjoying them nevertheless. This episode reminded me of the song ‘Incomplete’ by Alanis Morissette – have you heard it?
“I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete”
You’ve inspired me to create my own podcast that links my discovery of the highly sensitive trait with my passion of music. Thanks for leading the way – I’ve found the podcast to be hugely beneficial.
Hi Gary, glad you like the show!! thanks for posting! 🙂