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Did you know that highly sensitive people and narcissists tend to be attracted to each other?
I’ve welcomed Nikki Eisenhauer onto the show today to discuss what a narcissist is and why HSPs can be drawn to people with narcissistic personality disorder.
I think it’s important for HSPs to be aware of this topic so they can identify and deal with harmful relationships.
Nikki is an engaging guest and does a great job of explaining this topic in a digestible way. She is a licensed professional counselor (LPC), chemical dependency counselor (LCDC), yoga and meditation teacher, and possible budding comedian.
In this episode, we talk about:
- What is a narcissist vs. sociopath personality
- The difference between anxiety and intuition
- What it’s like to be an HSP and a therapist
- What most therapists don’t know about HSPs
- Why improv might be good for HSPs
- and more!
If you don’t want to listen to audio,
you can read the full text transcription here!
Nikki specializes in trauma, grief and loss, addiction, and has come to understand what wounds, drives, and heals Highly Sensitive People. Her most recent passion project is Wise Owl Within, where she offers Sensitive and Healers support, evolution, and the life they desire. Get in touch with her on Facebook and Twitter!
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Podcast music attribution: Bust This Bust That (Professor Kliq) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Just admirable!
Love hearing your podcasts as I get ready for work in the morn! ????
Thank you!! 🙂
Bring Nikki back again! She was great!
So, so helpful! Thanks, Kelly + Nikki!
I think, also, that since HSPs are empathic, we tend not to judge others even though we should. We empathize with EVERYONE so it is too easy to get caught up in the narcissist’s charming net.
Hi Susan. Yes yes yes! And the current ‘climate’ of self help, hsp-ness, and spirituality is to ‘not judge.’ So, I advocate hsps practice loving DISCERNMENT or to give self permission to embrace judgement in the way you described. Over empathy is as potentially harmful as under empathy. Thank you for listening!
Truly enjoyed this discussion! I had many ahah moments! Thank you!!
Awesome!! You are an amazing host, Kelly, and Nikki just made everything so clear and in focus. Please have her back again!
Thank you so much for this episode! My ex-boyfriend was most definitely a narcissist (I know that now). Actually, there could be a picture of him in the encyclopaedia next to a definition of a narcissist. Luckily, we weren’t together for very long (6 months).
I am in a very loving, caring and supportive relationship now and have been for the past 3 years but have always wondered why it took me so long to get over what he had done to my self-esteem and also to deal with the lack of respect he had for me. Now I know that they don’t just hurt your ego (like other breakups do) but it goes way deeper than that. I actually saw a video of a woman on YouTube who said she had to go to therapy after a breakup with a narcissist!
Thank you ever so much for making me feel like I just being me is not only okay but that it is beautiful and that if I accept myself, life all of a sudden just becomes so much more enjoyable!
Hi Lena, I’m so glad this episode was helpful to you!!! Thanks for the nice comment. 🙂
I too have gone no contact with my ex covert narcissist. Thanks for reassuring me that its hard getting over it as a HSP. Its the first time I have read other hsp comments and i feel soo relieved im not strange and im not alone. Ive always known i was very sensitive but now lots of my ways of functioning make sense! As you mention, its so vital forpeople to understand me and me them and thats why i just cant fathom the narcissists bzhaviour. Im still very emotional and have to see him at work in september. I just cant believe that everything was pretense. Can covert narcissists feel an attachment or a different sort of love? I put up with his psycological abuse too long but we had good times too. How can i move on? And break the trauma bond? I suffered years of childhod trauma from a bipolar father so I guess it was familiar behaviour for me. It made me feel alive and I feel like a nice guy who treats me well would be boring at times. How can i get over this. Im desperate. Please can you advise me. Thanks a million.
Hi, Kelly: I just found your podcast this past weekend and came across this episode. Wow! Does this describe my ex-husband and our relationship. When Nikki talked about how one person will initiate therapy and the other usually won’t participate–because “the other person is the one with the problem”–that actually did happen! It’s been a long time since we divorced, but I still go over and over in my head where it went wrong. But listening to this episode made a lot of our marriage issues clear. And I helping me understand why it’s been hard for me to have another relationship. I’m learning to listen to my intuition, at this point, and place much more value on my sensitivity and empathy for others. I’ll continue to listen–Thank you!
Hi Gayle! I’m so glad you found this episode helpful!! 🙂
Hi, I am a highly sensitive person. I once took a personality test that said I was narcissist as well. Is it possible to be both? I feel like I try my best to be a kind,honest person, and narcissist’s have this reputation of being “bad” people that are out to stuck the life out of others. When I’m in honest with myself I will admit that I’m stubborn and have strong opinions. I tend to lean towards pessimism, but I’ve learned how to have a optimistic mindset. It just takes a lot of work. With this being said I’m also very intuitive, compassionate and empathetic.
The issue I’m having is that I keep attracting friends that are very much like me and I keep
bunting heads with them. Lately, I’ve had friends mad at me because they say I’m insensitive and I’m over here scratching my head because I don’t understand how that’s so. As I highly sensitive person, constantly friending highly sensitive people, I realize how difficult we are! Everything hurts our feelings and we take so many things out of context when most likely no one was even trying to be hurtful in the first place. I’m stuck in a bind. I don’t want to attract this kind of person anymore because they always end up in some kind of mess and I just want peace in my life. I would greatly appreciate any input. Thank you 😊
Hi Roxana,
sometimes we can ‘soak up’ narcissism if we’ve lived with the dynamic and ‘appear’ so. Other times, I think we are asserting (or failing at asserting and being aggressive) ourselves with others who don’t like having boundaries set and can get called insensitive as a way to lash out. I don’t know about you, but in some ways it’s easier if someone calls me a name (like ‘you are an asshole!’) vs. insensitive. Because I KNOW I’m not an asshole, but wondering if I”m oversensitive in a situation–that makes me wonder and is actually more hurtful(the intention is someone is lashing out). Hope that makes sense
Hi!
I really enjoy your episodes very much and they are being very helpful to me! Thanks a lot for the time, energy and intelligence you invest into them. You are really changing people’s life’s!
I don’t normally comment on them as I 100% agree on all of what is said, but in this case I had to listen to it a couple of times because it was not really fitting with my experience.
I have had a relationship with a narcissist and that person was for sure a HSP at the same time! This made me think a lot and on a different blog I found an article that could explain it as, and I quote “I think most narcissists began life as highly sensitive people who at an early age suffered psychological trauma due to abuse. This caused them to shut off their too-vulnerable true (authentic) selves from the world and in its place construct an elaborate defense mechanism–the false self–initially meant to protect the vulnerable true self from further harm, which has no defenses at all.”
This is the blog the quote comes from and the complete text: https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/06/12/malignant-narcissists-hsps-gone-bad/
I hope this helps other people having had similar experiencies…
(By the way, I don’t think they are all “malignant”… 😉
Thanks again for your fantastic work!
Hi Muriel, thanks so much for sharing, this is definitely food for thought!! I’m glad you like the show.
Hi Muriel. Thanks for listening and feedback—that fits how I think of the origins of some narcissism, but I think answers a question that we didn’t address on the show so much. Narcissists have very very low self esteem—hence the ‘all about me-ness’ that becomes the overcompensation and defense for that. As over identifying with compassion is a ‘hole’ HSP’s tend to fall in with the personality disordered-just plain difficult people, the information you shared may be accurate and right but can be ensnaring vs. escaping for the hsp who can want to fix or help them vs. themselves. So if any of you read the article Muriel shared–remember the moment Kelly’s compassion became activated during our talk—and take care of that part of yourself if you need to. Happy self care to ya’ll! N
Hi, listening; re:can HSP as therapist separate client pain & help–personally, my HSP is heavy with instinctive need to help; to do so, one MUST use our insight to ‘problem solve.’ For me this is override trait.
Nikki and Kelly, Thank you for this episode. You are changing the world and bringing hope to many. This was just what I needed to hear. I’m experiencing some guilt, grief, and worry over having to set very strong boundaries with my borderline sister (which sounds almost like a very emotional cross b/w a narcissist and sociopath.) Needless to say, she didn’t respond well to my boundaries, and has tried every way she knows how to restore our relationship to what it was (guilt trips, verbal abuse, trying to bring others into the discussion). However, because I followed my intuition, I am at peace with my decision. It came from a place of self-respect and self-love- a refusal to dance this dysfunctional dance we’ve been doing our whole lives. I’ve definitely played my own part in the dysfunction. Thank you for giving me a positive spin on this- that my sister is helping me exercise these muscles of strength, intuition, and self-love that I so often neglected. You guys rock. I’m proud to be an HSP!
Hi K-Bliss! Thanks so much for the sweet comment; so glad this info has helped you and that you are finding ways to thrive!! :))
Hi Kristin! THanks for the comment. I also felt good about that comment–that the most stable person seeks therapy. It makes you feel a little better that we are trying to “better” ourselves! 🙂
Hi Kelly- do you think you could delete this comment? My computer automatically put in my first and last name, and for the privacy of my family, I’d be so thankful if you removed it. Thanks!!!
Thank you for this podcast. Kelly, I really loved how you brought up the feeling bad for the person with narcissistic traits. It only makes sense that HSPs would feel this way, but I often feel frustrated that I have this propensity. Glad to know I’m not alone in feeling it though!
So glad it resonated with you!! 🙂 thanks Melissa!
Thank you for this topic! Amazing episode. I’m in law school right now, and this is helping me navigate my situation outside so that I can before focus on my priorities. I really appreciate that. Aloha!