Warning: This is a bit dark.
I hate that I’m highly sensitive. I wish I was normal. I wish I wasn’t bothered by so many small things. I wish I could just be happy instead of always wishing things were better. I wish I knew how to be less sensitive.
And these feelings make me angry at myself. Why do I have to complain so much? Why can’t I just suck it up and deal with small annoyances? Why can’t I just relax and have fun? Why are things so hard for me and easy for everyone else?
I hate that it limits my life in some ways. I can’t drink coffee; consume violent, scary, or extremely sad movies, TV shows, or books; and I sometimes feel other peoples’ feelings, which drains my energy, is exhausting, and can bum me out.
I hate that even at a young age, before I knew I was an HSP or introvert, I knew I was limited to certain careers–like writing–because so there were so many aspects of others careers I didn’t like: like sales, or jobs with too much social interaction or too much pressure.
I hate that if, for instance, a friend suggests going on a trip with a group of friends, instead of my first reaction being of excitement and happiness, it’s of worry, and “what ifs”, and thinking about all the things that could make it uncomfortable for me.
I hate that noise and bright lights bother me so much and that I seem distracted–to the point that I have to change seats or ask people to turn the music down–and everyone looks at me like I’m weird.
I wish I could let things go, and didn’t replay things in my head. Or obsess about things.
More advanced-level HSPs (said with tongue-in-cheek) value their sensitivity. They appreciate it like a gift.
HSPs are often great listeners and great friends. We often have a deep appreciation of nature, art, and music, and can have strong connections with animals. We are good listeners and incredibly empathetic and intuitive. We have good imaginations, tend to make careful decisions, and are curious, compassionate, conscientious, and creative. (Listen to this podcast episode about the benefits of being highly sensitive.)
People who make art and poetry, who make it their life’s work to try to lessen the pain of others, who are willing listen and help others who are struggling–are important to have in this world.
Do you feel like you’re too sensitive? Do you wish you knew how to be less sensitive? Leave a comment below.
wow. could have written this myself.
Omg it’s so me 😣😣😣 and people call me heartless all the time just because I don’t show a lot of my emotions
Jarednatsu2@gmail.com
I came here with tears in my eyes.
Reading this made me realize I wasn’t alone.
I hate being this sensitive as well and I feel like a bother to my friends.
I’m at the point where I barely show my emotions.
Me too, came here crying – feels good to know I’m not alone
I just wish I was normal sometimes
I wish I was normal
Too🥲
I really can relate to what you have written. Thanks for sharing. Sensitivity is the richest gift I have for myself and to give to others, and yet, the over-sensitivity when I am not balanced, is pushing people away at times. I know I am deeply loved by the people who know me, but I also am extremely aware that for most people, I am not understood. (This sentence was actually told to me by a family member….since then it daily leaves a question mark for me. I tend to analyze my words, movements, expressions on my face, and on and on…just wanting to fit it at times. My way to get some perspective on this, is when I am visiting with others, if I get on overload…I just say I need to go for a walk. Somehow, the breathing, the movement and just being quiet in nature….brings me back to a center for awhile.
Ahh, your description of “breathing and being quiet in nature” made me feel more calm…just by reading that sentence! I love taking walks alone in nature when it’s totally quiet. It just feels amazing, doesn’t it? Thanks for the nice comment. 🙂 I am glad to hear you reference your sensitivity as a “gift”…I still have a ways to go before I feel that way. 🙂
I have the same issues I love every body so much and I know they like me to but some times I feel I’m not good enough for them so I push our friendship away
We all go through “stages” in the acknowledging of our sensitivity. But once we get to the bottom of it.. and we also learn to enjoy it.. we can look back and see it was not that bad.. it was just misunderstood.. even by ourselves. Acceptance.. was my key. I am not going to be “wired” different.. for i came with the full package to be my own. So.. i might just as well enjoy it as i learn new things.. about me .. and others .. through my new discoveries and the ones of people like me that will let me understand.
So, Kelly .. keep on writting.. people read.. and of course.. ( we are 20%) so we are few.. but we do appreciate.. and it will take sometime before one of them like me will post anything for everyone to see. ( And that is part of our trait too)… so cheers! i like your comments..
Catalina, thanks so much for your comments, they are very appreciated. 🙂 Have a lovely day.
I feel like I found the Golden Ticket by finding your blog in the San Diego Reader today. What I read describes me perfectly. I am so down on myself for being so in my own head and unable to just enjoy life. Thanks for this positing. I will share it with my husband who is so opposite of me socially. I know this will help us talk about how it feels to be HSP.
Hello everyone. I´m from Spain. So I´m sorry for my poor english. I´m totally right with this article. I feel in the same way. I´m always suffering about everything. I´m trying to learn more about HSP in english. Can you imagine how people like us in other cultures can be for the worst? Living in a latin and traditional culture is very hard. I feel completly alone. In Spain there´s nothing about HSP. Except a blog and a book for a hollander woman who write in spanish about this characteristic. When I had my son all my sensitivite wakes up more intensity and all about no rest and being more overwhelming was for the worst for me. Now I´m trying to take a rest (feeling selfish) when I can and it works for the best. Sometimes I feel some relax when I think that I´m not going to live for ever, maybe a few years more. Because I can´t bear more suffering. I feel like I have been living for centuries. It´s a relief to know that you are in this planet and that I´m not alone. Thank you for doing this world better.
Hello Bea, thank you for sharing and hello to you in Spain. I never thought about how being HSP might be even more difficult in cultures that are more outgoing. It is good to take plenty of rest if you need it. Please don’t feel selfish! Maybe you could start a Spanish blog about HSPs?? 🙂
Hi Kelly,
I´m so glad for your answer. I really enjoy all your articles. It´s like a therapy for me. Reading all the comments it´s like: wow!! It´s great to share the same feelings and it helps me to be more calm because I now know that my nervous system and brain works in that way. Fifteen years ago I was in the USA for several times because I had a boyfriend from Philadelphia. I met the most wonderful people that I have met in my life. Some of them are non-HSP but they were respectful and open minded and I felt like “home”. Living in a latin culture is more depressed and upseting. I can see all the details, the things that are invisibles and creates the differents cultures. The chauvinism is something that hurts me deeply. I tell myself to start a blog in the next future but I am divorced and I have a small son. Maybe in the next months. I feel the huge responsability to show this characteristic to many latin people that suffer believing they are crazy, weirds or have mental sickness. These affects me so much. The sad is that many latin HSP are sceptical to believe it, it´s a crash with their beliefs and with the people are around them. They don´t want to listen it. When I say something about this and it´s the first time they listen something like that. They don´t know what they think. They could think I´m crazy or weird. Fortunately I have helped two women to learn about HSP and I feel I have done the exact. Thank you so much from my heart.
Bea, that is great you have spread the word about HSP to others! You could even start a blog for yourself to help get out your feelings, like a diary. And then it could grow into something more (or not!).
So why is being HSP a good thing? That’s the only thing I can’t understand. You are more sympathetic, understanding towards others and have so much anxiety. What’s the point of being kind to others when you can’t even have friends due to social anxiety/awkwardness,sensing small things that people do that tells you that they don’t want to be with you. The feeling of always being the one who doesn’t belong in this group of people. Maybe those signals you perceive aren’t true, but nonetheless you sense it and it bothers you. What’s the point of feeling emphatic towards others when people can’t even grasp how much small things, like someone not replying/ignoring a question in a message bother you and keep haunting you with anxiety, “am I bothering them? how am I? What’s wrong with my question? What’s wrong with me feeling this way? etc”, when all you want to do is to be friendly. And it’s so difficult for you to ignore a message because then you think, “what if this really hurts them? What if it really bothers them if I don’t reply? and in the end you reply. What is the point of even trying when in the end you just end up being hurt and you look at these “normal” people who can move on easily in life, make better of their lives and not deal with their strong emotions and sensitivities to the smallest things? Sure other people are highly sensitive as well “you aren’t the only one that’s deals with situations like this” but don’t you feel disadvantaged compared to others who aren’t highly sensitive. Those who don’t have as much anxiety about everything, whose emotions are thrown haywire at the smallest things. Wouldn’t you want to live a life like that?
I used to be an HSP, and honestly, I wish I still was. I used to complain about always overthinking things but now I wish I could go back in time and be an HSP again. I used to be so happy and full of emotion. Even if I was sad, it was kind of an amazing feeling, because its a kind of sadness that just lets all your emotions flow out and after you become very peaceful and happy with yourself. I could understand things others couldn’t and feel things others couldn’t. I wasn’t different, I was special. I felt like I was really living. I had passions and I felt a happiness that many people will never achieve. Now I couldn’t care less what people think of me, Im not motivated at all in life and Im never really sad or happy anymore. I used to want to be this way, but now, I realize how good I had it. So yes, I would like to be an HSP (again).
You never really stop being hypersensitive. I think you’re suffering from depression. In your case it sounds like you are repressing your emotions instead of full embracing whether they feel good or bad. When you do this, you live in a state of resistance which causes anxiety and depression. Fully feel all your emotions and overtime, you will live more in the flow of life. This will clear those energy blocks in your body. You’ll feel MUCH HAPPIER while also realizing that bad and good emotions don’t exist. Both are valuable.
As others have said, I felt like I could have written this myself. Thank you for sharing this. I’ve hated this for what seems like my entire life. All I ever wanted was to be normal, to not feel like my emotions are drowning me half the time and people treating me as if I’m crazy for something I have absolutely no control over. No one should have to feel the depth of emotions that we do because they can be so overfuckingwhelming some times and I just feel that it has been the single most damaging part of my life. If anyone wants to talk, I wouldn’t mind some advice on effective ways that you’ve found to rein in strong emotions that come on during unexpected situations around others. Every one of you are absolutely incredible because people that don’t deal with this, have no clue of the struggle. Angelshaven767676@gmail.com
Seriously, how did you become? The other day for at least one week I was completely out of being HSP and I was happy and said I’m being another person. I was reading my old messages and said I was being very nice damn. But unfortunately it didn’t last I’m back to HSP.
This is my life it sucks im pushing my man away because I feel he really doesn’t want me he’s mad at me for being insucure about or relationship but he doesn’t help it he has friends that are girls and there homies he pays them more attention laughs and giggles with them and loves it he’s all serious around me! I love him so much I’d do anything for him but it hurts when he stares at women for periods of time then when I catch him doing says he doesn’t want them! I also get so upset that if my boss tries to help me with something and tells me I did it wrong I cry! I hate being this way I need help or I’m gonna fall apart
I’m having a hard time understanding how this is supposedly a “gift”. I feel like I can’t connect with anyone who is not like me. People take advantage of our empathy. I feel so misunderstood. I can’t explain my hsp without sounding crazy to non hsps. Where is my place when everyone around me is so cruel. Where is there room for different people when everyone is trying to be the same. I just want to be normal. Why do I have to be different.
I hate it. I hate it like I hate nothing else. It’s a curse that cannot be lifted. It’s like being trapped in some weird place where someone controls my reactions and emotions. I hate to cry when I hear a beautiful song. I hate having to care what everyone thinks of what I say. I hate that I care. I hate that I think it matters. Because it does not. But I care. I am the one who cares. It’s just me. I am the one who cares. That makes me alone.
I hate it.
It’s just me.
It makes me alone.
I hate it.
I am a highly sensitive person and don’t find it to be much of a gift either. I meditated for a year a few years ago and it. changed. my. life. I took things less personally, I wasn’t overly sensitive, I was still sensitive but it felt like the right amount. All areas of my life changed for the better. I stopped doing meditation but now I’m starting it back up because it’s so exhausting being so sensitive and I know meditation will make me feel better. You have to find the right kind of meditation for you. Vedic Meditation or Transcendental Meditation are good to look into because they’re about effortlessness. But find what works for you.
I hate it, too. I haven’t had a hard life, but it has been incredibly painful. Being a HSP with generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety has led to me be isolated and alone. I always get cagey in relationships and keep one foot in the door, ready to break-up if i feel too vulnerable. I work a low paying job because I would rather undervalue myself than feel overwhelmed and unqualified. There are mornings I get to work and feel utter despair at the amount of work that has to be done. I feel terrified all the time that I will make a mistake and mess up someone else’s day. I am a reliable person (I wouldn’t dare let someone down) and because of this I constantly get taken advantage of and left to do other people’s work. If I stand up for myself I feel like a jerk and am plagued with regret. If I don’t take up for myself, I feel like a spineless loser and play the encounter over and over again in my head until I have a migraine.
I long to spend my days at home doing crafts or writing or making music. Solitary confinement sounds like heaven. The only way for me to escape my inner critic is to avoid people, because the only time I like myself is when I’m alone. I don’t feel awkward or embarrassed or perplexed by other people’s actions when I’m alone.
No one would force an extrovert to be isolated all day long, yet we HSPs are required to participate in a world that is traumatizing to us. It just wears me down and I’m tired of asking why I have to be this way. I’m tired of being controlled by this fear and heartache. I’m tired of feeling like if I tried to explain the way I feel to someone, I’d be chalked up as a self-pitying attention-seeker. Every time I think I’m strong enough to face the world, I just get beat down again, not by the world, but by my own delicate nature. I think I’d rather be a sociopath than be so vulnerable to pain and perceived rejection. I am 33 years old and I don’t know how to make it stop.
Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you are struggling. Have you talked to a therapist or counselor? They may be able to help.
They don’t help. Therapy is endless talking with nothing happening. I’ve done that, more than once.
I hate being sensitive, too. Most of the time I’m trying to be even-keel; at the end of the day I’m numb or angry/sad from sitting on my emotions. Music makes me cry, movies makes me cry, goddamed commercials make me cry. I hate feeling like an overcoddled baby who can’t handle things most people can.
I wish I was normal. No “gift” is worth this much pain. It’s too much, all the time.
I commented this response to the person who commented above you who also hates being a highly sensitive person: I am a highly sensitive person and don’t find it to be much of a gift either. I meditated for a year a few years ago and it. changed. my. life. I took things less personally, I wasn’t overly sensitive, I was still sensitive but it felt like the right amount. All areas of my life changed for the better. I stopped doing meditation but now I’m starting it back up because it’s so exhausting being so sensitive and I know meditation will make me feel better. You have to find the right kind of meditation for you. Vedic Meditation or Transcendental Meditation are good to look into because they’re about effortlessness. But find what works for you.
I am the way you describe, but I have generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I attribute these traits to my illnesses.
You are amazing in my eyes. Im a sensitive person myself. Im more sensitive to just others. words hurt me so easily… they hurt me even though they are simple lame jokes. I cry so easily if someone not even close to me says “I’m busy cant talk”. I.assume the worst thinking they don’t want to speak to me. I like to be reassured when I’m speaking to someone. I wish I can change and be a stronger person. but I cant. I find writing helps me also! and im oddly a social person. we can email each other and speak about about there. I’m here to listen.
Hi nuna, I completely relate to everything you have said. . My life is a living hell because of how over sensitive I am.. my friends and family make me feel like a freak because of the way I am.. they tell its all in my head and I need help .. I hate being like this, I wish I wasn’t but I can’t control it.. (even tho people say that I can and I need stop) im just heartbroken and lonely that people avoid me because of this and I don’t know what to do anymore. .
You just described me. I guess I’m your male counterpart to the letter.
hi I AM HSP and my youngest daughter is also,
I am looking for a little help, my daughter is working where i work doing her co-op hours for school, and my boss is forcing her into doing work with other people in the shop, more people than she is comfortable with, and it upsets her very much,,my boss feels that this is good for her, but i see that she is shutting down,
I just want to know what i should do and if my boss is right, by putting her in a group
Hi there, thanks for your comment. I’m sorry you are having a difficult time. When you say “putting her in a group”, what do you mean?
I can relate to this so deeply.
I loved seeing this because I too feel a burden being an HSP. I second guess myself, overanalyze, worry what others think and feel like I am devoid of inner strength.
I can’t tell you how many times I gave heard: You think too much, let it go, you are overreacting, move on, don’t be so sensitive etc. I have not come to see this as a gift but rather a part of me that results in confusion or frustration in others. What a difficult situation, that which supposedly makes us treasured friends is that which can drive people away.
I would love to grasp and appreciate being an HSP because I simply want to feel comfortable in my own skin.
I hate it!! I hate it so much! I can’t keep a job ’cause i can’t handle the stress or deal with the people i work with, I overthink everything, analyze and try to plan each move i’m going to take, just to make sure that i’ll not embarrass myself and end up thinking about it for god-knows how long… Anyone who says that being HS is a gift is full of it! Maybe in another universe but not here! i wish i was a psychopath who steps on everyone and only care about herself! Here i am writing this and crying like a baby, I really can’t take it anymore!
Not being funny but i found exercise helps. Short bursts of running, boxing, zumba.
I am reading all the comments here and found out that I too am HSP. I wear my heart on my sleeve and everyone says they can read my mind. I hate being this way, i wish i was different, but we all have to accept the way we are and try to be thankful for it. (Try to see positives in everything) and sometimes when people try to walk over you, take a moment, think; would you let this person treat your best friend this way? Learn to say NO, be confident and if you’re feeling bad afterwards go out and walk in a park, run and shake all those negative thoughts out of your head. Literally shake your body… sounds daft but it helps.
Reading all of these comments makes me feel less alone…
Take care all and keep smiling… 😀
I hate it too. Throughout my entire childhood I was referred to as a crybaby because of my sensitive nature and it manifested into self-hatred over the years. I’ve ruined almost all my relationships because of my highly sensitive nature. On one hand, I appreciate the fact that I feel things deeply and I can feel the emotions and energies of people and/or things around me. On the other hand, in an emotional wreck 97% of the time. The fact that I suffer from depression and social anxiety only makes it a million times worse.
For the past year I felt extremely secluded from my friends. I feel like they would purposely leave me out of plans and when I was in their presence I didn’t feel love or compassion or any sort of interest in me. Because of that I secluded myself more. I just recently expressed how I feel about everything and although they weren’t mean in their response, it hurt me because I felt so stupid for having brought anything up in the first place. I felt like a whiny, attention-seeking brat who just overanalyzed everything and let shit get mixed up in my head.
When I think about what’s happening all across the world I get sad, and because I am already extremely depressed, it only makes my depression worse, thus making me even that more sensitive. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone, even my closest friends and family without sounding crazy or delusional. I’m constantly denying my own feelings to keep others at peace with me because I hate confrontation. All my life I’ve felt so very alone, even when I’m in the company of others and I can’t seem to get it out of my head. Being sensitive has only made me clingy and needy and weak. I hate that I’m this way. I would do anything to be normal. To be social. To love life. I hate myself so much because I’m a big sensitive loser who lets emotions drive them crazy.
Hi Mary, I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. You deserve to not feel bad about yourself! Have you thought about therapy? I would highly recommend it. It has helped me deal with negative self-talk so much better. Please try to find a professional to help you feel better, you deserve it!
Sorry you feel this way. Have you thought about getting a cat or a dog? They bring so much happiness into your life. If you have a dog you will have to go out every day & people will talk to you. Is a life changer having a beautiful creature in your life
I’m in my 30s and first discovered hsp when I finally started seeing a therapist who told me about it. It was a help at first to find out I wasn’t alone. Now I hate that I know about it. I have always felt different and thought I was a drama queen or mentally ill. I was almost hoping the therapist would diagnose me as mentally ill and I could take medication and be normal. I feel like sometimes life is overwhelming and I hate worrying about everything. I don’t see hsp as a gift. It doesn’t fit into today’s society. Its not respected or understood. My partner is wonderful but he doesn’t understand me. I find myself having to come up with ‘legitimate’ reasons for why I’m crying. I live far away from my family and just end up blaming it on homesickness. Most of the time I’m not homesick. I hope that one day I will accept the way I am but right now I wish I wasnt a hsp.
Hi Mags, thanks for sharing. I’m sorry you are hurting. I hope that learning about being highly sensitive helps a bit. I hope you are able to feel better. You are not alone 🙂
oh my. That is exactly my same story. I am in my 40s and was diagnosed with HSP when I was told by friends I need to see a therapist. And the same for me. I am not sure it is helping knowing my personality. Because now I am just realizing all the crazy things I think and do and how bad it is. I am totally absolutely different than everyone in my workplace. In fact. I don’t know how I ended up in my career because it attracts the opposite personality type. I feel so whacked out I am questioning why my wife bothers to stay with me. I am a tornado of thoughts. And most of them are “would if” scenarios. I couldn’t even write just one version of this reply because I had to contemplate for an hour or so and change things to make sure I didn’t offend you or give anyone the wrong idea. I get emotional over animated movies or sometimes commercials. Really. And i think it’s worse as a guy. But it’s hard. Especially now paying attention to my thoughts. The HSP coupled with mid-life crises (which I think is from the HSP) has thrown me for a loop. I find myself backing away from relationships and collateral duties at work because they are becoming too tiring. Anyway. Sorry. A whole lot of crap to say that I totally feel you and we are the same and I have no idea what to do at this point except keep working at it.
Mid life totally makes it worse. When I was younger I saw my sensitivity as a blessing and a curse. Now, just a curse. I’m 34 and can completely relate to pushing relationships away because they feel too exhausting. However, after actually getting out of my relationship, I’m horribly sad. Mostly because I know I don’t want to try again because I will still be me. Feels very lonely.
Sorry you’re struggling. Warm wishes to you.
I’m the same but I have no clue how to cope with being a HSP.
I am a highly sensitive person and don’t find it to be much of a gift either. I meditated for a year a few years ago and it. changed. my. life. I took things less personally, I wasn’t overly sensitive, I was still sensitive but it felt like the right amount. All areas of my life changed for the better. I stopped doing meditation but now I’m starting it back up because it’s so exhausting being so sensitive and I know meditation will make me feel better. You have to find the right kind of meditation for you. Vedic Meditation or Transcendental Meditation are good to look into because they’re about effortlessness. But find what works for you.
I have all the above, and as a man, you feel a complete wuss. I thought it might be something I would grow out off but it has never happened.
I feel this way too. How do you deal with it? I feel so overwhelmed and helpless most of the time
I feel very raw and stripped bare right now. I’m having a hard time coping with life in general. Not only am I an HSP but I’m stuck in a living environment that has me feeling trapped. I’m super depressed and can’t snap out of it. I feel very hopeless and don’t see the point in living. I feel like there’s more gravity pulling on me and the air is thick.
I just want to be normal– if such a thing exists.
Hello, thank you for commenting. I’m so sorry that you are feeling depressed and suffocated. I’m not a professional so I urge you to speak to a friend, family member, or a trained mental health professional for some guidance. It can make a huge difference. Even seeing a therapist one time can give you some tools to help (it worked for me). I have also had some dark times. I have been feeling pretty good lately, and when I think back to those dark times it’s almost difficult for me to realize how I got so sad back then. Depression is like a heavy dark blanket or cloud…. When you are stuck inside it, you feel like you can’t get out and your thoughts might not be totally rational. You need help from someone who can help you see outside of it. I hope you are able to talk to someone!! I bet you are a wonderful person, probably more than you realize 🙂
I hate this curse. I don’t fit in anywhere and now have disowned all my family and friends. So tired of being taken advantage of. Tired of hurting. I’m an outgoing adventurous adrenalin junkie HSP. But can’t stand to be around people! Don’t trust and am in constant fear of being hurt. I don’t even fit as an HSP :-/
I sympathise. I have no patience with people. I know its silly but the slightest slight really gets to me and i make it into this enormous issue which i know it doesn’t deserve, yet i go over and over it in my mind for ages. How i wish i could be the one of these people that just carries on as if nothing happens. I spend all of my time waiting for the next disaster to happen. Being a HSP has never done me in any favours.In todays world where people are colder its a curse.
I feel sad a lot of the time. Certain pieces of music are too painful for me to listen to, even if they don’t trigger an actual memory, they make me feel Nostalgic and wistful for happier times. I have to work really very hard to stay grounded, and while I can resent it a LOT at times (and I don’t really care about having a ‘gift’ thank you very much, I’d rather be able to do more and not need so much recovery time!) I have (mostly) come to accept that this is just who I am, and that if I want to get close to someone, I will have to help them understand me and my needs.
In my part of the world,which is some place in Africa,people do not give a rat’s ass about HSPs and HSPs would be seen as being weak and having mental problems… a country where everybody does what they’ve got to do to survive,nobody cares about how the other person feels.It’s survival of the fittest..you’ve got to be real tough and take care of yourself,afterall,the government doesn’t give a damn about nobody.So,you can imagine how it is being an HSP in my part of the world. I’m an HSP by the way.
Thank you for being real Kelly. It is so sad to read all the comments on how others feel like they can’t cope with being HSP either. I relate to everything you said in this blog. I finally found a psychiatrist who is an HSP also. The best thing I have found! I feel so understood and have hope. I have had to really pull back on everything in my life and not worry what people think. Keep a few close friends and not give in to what the world says is normal. its hard but it can happen. I really hope for the best for all these fellow HSP’s. I feel your pain!! Reading books and finding communities like this has helped me so much!
Same feels. So much exhausting. Friends became ignorant and now it’s all self guilt. Want some people to talk too. This overthinking is the worst issue one could possibly have.
I, too, am an HSP. I’m 45 years old. I just happened upon this post because I was returning to work all teary after thinking about attending my sister’s best friend’s funeral this afternoon. I get so sick of tearing up at the smallest things. I have spent my entire life just “managing” my interior state – mental, emotional, spiritual. I have had to deal with much heavy stuff along the way and the added trouble of not having emotional support from a young age. It has affected my life dramatically. Thus, much like men are culturized to do, I stuffed my strong emotions down, way down inside. We all probably know how well that works out in the long run. And the effects of maintaining that lack of emotional support can be devastating the longer we live. I have just come out of a month long funk/state of anxiety & depression brought on by another failed attempt at dating. I applied the steps and actions I know to be helpful and am happily on the other side of the darkness. I have had these dark times last months and months. But I have found that there is a way out, to hold on, to let myself rest and feel my feelings, and to take steps to move forward into a new phase. I hope you all can, too.
I have done so much inner work, it’s nauseating. While other people were dating, marrying, developing careers, having kids, I was just struggling to survive after my traumatic teen years of bad home life and losing my brother to brain cancer at age 17. He had just turned 19. Also, I am “gifted” and have special brain powers to add to the high sensitivity. When I was having a hard time a few years ago, I found communities online. I was so relieved to learn that there was an emotional side to being gifted that we did not learn about in school. Being an HSP goes along with that to some degree. That is when I learned about HSPs. I knew I was an introvert, an INFP. But these new realizations really helped me to understand things. I have read and listened to things about HSPs since then. And also learned much more about the emotional sensitivities of giftedness.
I have called this way of being a curse, more than one time. Most often when I am feeling really alone or isolated or when I have a crying spell for an “illogical” reason. My issues and sensitivity have kept me from pursuing intimacy, but I do have a few good friends who I know I could turn to if I really needed them. However, I tend to deal with things on my own. And let me tell you… there is a better way. Find even one good friend who partially understands and will just listen. Read books about things that will specifically help you. Find words to describe your experience and do it. To hell with what other people think. Take concrete actions to get out of the funk you are in. This can be hard, especially if you are depressed. But starting small, with bite sized steps helps. A little at a time. Learn to be your own best friend. Learn to heal your inner child. Learn to talk to yourself the way you, as a sensitive, loving soul, would talk to a good friend. Be your own counselor. Be your own coach. I know this is easier said than done. I’ve been working on this for years. And it has helped me to achieve success and build a strong foundation for myself after decades of instability. Say enough is enough and commit to finding your place within yourself and the world. Accept yourself for who and how you are. You can’t rewire yourself. Do things that make you happy or feel good, even if they ultimately leave you all alone, again and again, like my hobbies do. Walking in the woods with my dogs. Reading. Learning. Exercising. Writing. Coming up with new goals and working towards accomplishment. Playing guitar. Then find ways to connect with others, either around your hobbies, or online, or through writing or joining Meetup groups, or setting up outings with friends. I have a rotating cast of friends that I do things with, since I have no significant other and my dad and sister are often busy living their own lives.
I suddenly remembered a poem I had written when I was young, it started something like, “The tears I cry are not for me, they are for the world…” I was ashamed of those words, I don’t know why, and so I hid that poem behind a table so no one would see it. What a sad thought, that a young child, sensitive to the plight of the world and compassionate beyond reason should feel ashamed. What if Jesus had felt that way? What if he had hidden his words away? I am not a Jesus freak, but Jesus had the compassion thing down and was able to kick over the tax man’s table in the temple. He used his gift to change the world.
This world NEEDS us, HSPs! We need to accept and value ourselves and bring our understanding and compassion into the world. I’ll kick some crap down, dammit! We are part of the solution. Let’s hold hands and cry together in public and out loud. Maybe a group Ted Talk .
Good luck, ya’ll – and just keep swimming!!!
Thank you for the lovely words!!
I feel the same exact way! I have a twin sister who isn’t an HSP and I am and I am so jealous of the fact that she gets to live out her life normally and I know that I could never have that for myself. I hate being an HSP with my whole heart.
Boy, do I hear you! I feel deeply for all of you, I thought I was alone, as this is the first site I have come across that is being real about HSP. I discovered that there was such a thing as HSP a few months ago and it all clicked like a jigsaw puzzle. I have spent almost 60 years trying to understand why I have been treated so badly by mainly my family and extended family. My parents never gave me any nurturing or love, to them I was invisible except when they saw fit to punish me for something, belting, frothing at the mouth, yelling and taking away anything that I cared about (toys, gifts from my grandmother who i never met) broke my heart and my spirit. I was an only child for many years isolated and not allowed to play with other kids and when my sister came I was pushed away completely, then they adopted two boys. I was brainwashed by religion that was more like a cult. I was bullied mercilessly at school and they took my only friend away. I left home at 16 because I couldn’t take it anymore and then discovered my parents left me all alone and moved 2000 kms away without telling me.I have suffered abuse from boyfriend who tried to kill me under the influence of drugs/alcohol, I have been raped, blamed for things I didn’t do and called filthy names by people who didn’t even know me. I suffered general anxiety, social anxiety(painfully shy and introverted) years of severe panic attacks, years of agorophobia, isolation, all kinds of phobias that kept me imprisoned and there is lots more. Not one person stepped forward to ever help or care, I spent a lifetime searching for answers in every way possible and your right, most therapists do not help they just take your money and talk. I listened relentlessly to my parents as a young adult taking in their toxic conversations and torturous religious beliefs of hell and punishment until I could take it no longer and when I asked politely to stop because it was causing me panic attacks and hospitalization for depression they turned around and disowned me for life. I raised my children the best way I could but it affected them too and now they treat me with disregard, indifference and don’t respect me because they see me as ‘weak’and an enabler, I call it loving them because I didn’t know any other way. All I ever wanted was family and to be loved in return so I laid myself down and let them walk all over me because I could never say ‘no’. To this day I am still doing self healing, reading every book possible but now I know at least I am not crazy, weird or have a mental illness. Try telling that to my family. I love being kind, helpful,caring and understanding towards others and my job in education allows me to be me but it hasn’t always been that way. I have wanted to commit suicide a number of times and that feeling always sits just under the surface. Even when I was serious a few years ago my family didn’t even call or ask, everything was swept under the carpet, I can’t live like this anymore. Everyone/thing I have loved so deeply has been either taken away from me, abandoned me, or I have lost to others. So, yes I call it a curse. My motto my whole life was that ‘you treat others as you want to be treated yourself’ was a good value to live by but I was sadly,sadly mistaken. I am a decent woman who tried very hard, I never drank, took drugs and have been married for 40 years. I don’t deserve this life and neither do any of you. The only thing that has turned my life around is Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) it’s free. I’m sure there are people out there who are genuinely good therapists but I have yet to meet one, they have done very well out of me with no results may I add, so do shop around and do your homework.
BEWARE! This could be a little…”woowoo out there” for some!
I’d like to put a different spin on the topic of HSP itself being a “curse” or the reason life is so hard.
I think many people highlight the negative aspects, and because they feel these emotions so deeply, it can be hard to get out of that negative thought pattern…but, what if this is actually a necessary trait that helped our species survive during hunter/gatherer times, and maybe it still has a role to play?
In hunter/gatherer times, they didn’t have all of the noise, scents, and various triggers that make HSPs feel badly. HSPs in today’s world are living in an environment which is unnatural to the basic human species, and is therefor going to be even more so to a human with advanced survival skills!
It’s not the HSP traits, it’s the ENVIRONMENT. This environments that we are living in are causing false “fight or flight” responses. If you eliminated the triggers our environment, you would understand how beneficial it is be an HSP. You could then focus on positives instead of negatives because the environment would suit the needs of an HSP. This made me think about our “over sensitivity” in a more creative, beneficial way. How could it possibly be a GOOD thing? Let’s change the scenario to a much more natural one…
An HSP could hear the faint rustling of the bushes and alert the tribe to a potential threat. If correct, they would have provided a heads up and the tribe would have a better survival rate.
The better sense of smell could be beneficial in finding fruits or water, even a fresh kill, which would have helped the tribe flourish.
The better sense of touch and temperature changes could alert them to a storm coming, and the tribe could protect more of their offspring and loved ones, thus keeping the tribe alive.
More visual acuity could have come in handy for hunting. They might notice a landmark before everyone, or notice some animal tracks along the path that the others would have overlooked, and that could mean food, or danger.
Certain taste sensitivities could have been useful in detecting meat that was a little too old, or picking up mold on fruit when everyone else might have never noticed.
Enhanced intuition would have been very useful during a meeting with another tribe, as an HSP could get the message that they were lying to the tribe and were actually planning to raid them or kill them, and get the tribe out of there, or ready in advance to defend their tribe and families.
Enhanced empathy in a species which was naturally highly social, very sexual, supportive and loving for one another in the community would have better nurtured those in distress, or would have offered an even greater support for friends and family, and fiercely defended them in the face of danger…or at least warned the tribe while the rest backed them up in force.
So, you might be thinking “we don’t live in a hunter/gatherer society! It’s useless now! HSPs are a defect on the modern world! We shouldn’t be so sensitive now because we don’t need to be!!” Well…not quite! How so?
We are able to tell that the world we’re living in NOT so great after all, and that we might be civilized to death. We are realizing that certain aspects of our so-called “civilization” do not quite fit right with our species. We are able to recognize the smell of the pollution, the chemicals in our food, and how the nonHSPs might becoming more and more desensitized to compassion and empathy, and enforce pleasure repression in our culture, and cultivates and praises insensitivity, sociopathy, psychopathy, violence, war, damage to the environment and as a whole, our own species.
We are the peaceful, prefer to make love not war bonobos of the chimpanzees who tend to become selfish and fight, sometimes to the death when resources are scarce, we are capable of realizing that we need to be more sensitive and caring as a species with less distractions, less hustle, less inclination to work in crowded buildings, less indulgent and obsessed with violence and unnecessary harm to others. We are able to realize that being this way is unnatural for us, and would be better if we went to more a more natural way of life. I think this could also explain why we are so inclined and sensitive to nature. We maybe know that’s where we came from, and where we belong.
We are part of what made the species thrive for so long, and I think we are still necessary if…or when we need it again.
I love you lol.
You have just expressed so many thoughts I have been thinking all my life.
It’s nice to know there are like minded people out there. Maybe we are just smarter than your average JO, lol, and can see the world for what it is.
This is a great post. Maybe we can all start a town somewhere peaceful and thrive :).
same here! it just drives me crazy for feeling that I am a HSP.
Sorry if this sounds hard but I think most of the people on here are female and traditionally females are allowed or even expected to show sensitivity anyway so it seems to me that this is far more of a problem for males (like me)
I always felt different, ever since pre-school. Whenever someone would make fun of me or get physical with me even when I was 4 or 5, I just would think “ how could a complete stranger do that? They don’t even know me!” Even today at age 33, when someone cracks a sarcastic joke at me or a girl I like turns me down it automatically turns into something personal on my end. The resentment doesn’t fade with time it just gets amplified. I ignorantly thought for the longest time that if I was kind to people things would ease up for me socially. A lot of people say “ oh your so nice, your so sweet” but I sincerely feel it’s only made things worse. Paradoxically I became a boxer when I was 13 and I still practice to this day. The skills I learned worked, no one ever bullied me physically ever again. But in a cruel twist of fate I became even more sensitive emotionally. Now I never back down for anything I perceive as a slight, or a insult, or a rejection. It’s distanced me further from friendships, relationships, and family. It’s just constant fear of being humiliated and taken advantage of and doing everything possible to prevent that. In a lot of ways it’s worked, but in most life enhancing areas it’s only hurts, not being able to let things go, shake things off, or just be mean back to someone who’s an asshole puts someone like me in such a limited, isolated position. I’m 33 now and everyday I want to change and end the struggle I have with my lifelong Achilles heal of being sensitive.
Hey all, I’m an HSP who is finally tired of masquerading as not one, but see a lot of people commenting on anxiety and depression along with just being sensitive to an annoying level. The only way that I know of (after extensive therapy, reading and research of my own) is through mindfulness. I am doing a program in the book The Mindful Way Through Depression (it works for anxiety, too). It essentially teaches you to understand and relate to your thoughts, emotions and body sensations in a healthy, accepting way (it’s amindfulness meditation course coupled with Cognitive behavioral therapy), and when I do it, it is very helpful with the rest of everyday life. If you decide to try it out, I hope you find it helpful, too.
Good to know there are HSPs who hate being it!
I’m tired of seeing this trait as “gifted”.
I’m HSSHSP who has depression and anxiety disorder.
I hate being so complicated!
I can relate to this post entirely. I’m regularly exhausted by my own feelings of being terrified believing I will disappoint or let people down. I’m also constantly exhausted by trying to be 100% considerate of others. Confrontations make my freeze which later frustrates me, wishing I could at least say something rather than just be struck dumb and look like an idiot. I do very much hate being HSP. 😢😭
It is so noisy where I live. Sirens, traffic, neighbors. I can’t handle the urban environment as well as when I was younger. And I’ve never found my place in the world. No jobs really interest me but I can’t make a living just by being a kind person. I’m so tired of feeling trapped in this go go fast paced society. All the tech and social media annoys me and makes me feel like I want to run away into the woods and disappear.
Boy, can I relate. I’m so sensitive and I have also essential tremor that worsen when I get overwhelmed with emotions. I hate feeling with all of my being. I just wish there was a way I could rid of the pain. Even joy is too much sometimes. Everything feels too much (sorry it’s not very happy but I’m not really happy right now). I don’t wish to die, just feel less, be normal like everybody else. That’s also why I can’t be an author, I can’t take critism. It’s awful so I write for myself, I’m way to scared to show it to people.
The worst part for me is that I can never feel validated in any of my feelings since I’m seen as over reacting because I’m too emotional. I’m seen as weaker for being more expressive in my feelings. I hate it.
As others have said, I felt like I could have written this myself. Thank you for sharing this. I’ve hated this for what seems like my entire life. All I ever wanted was to be normal, to not feel like my emotions are drowning me half the time and people treating me as if I’m crazy for something I have absolutely no control over. No one should have to feel the depth of emotions that we do because they can be so overfuckingwhelming some times and I just feel that it has been the single most damaging part of my life. If anyone wants to talk, I wouldn’t mind some advice on effective ways that you’ve found to rein in strong emotions that come on during unexpected situations around others. Every one of you are absolutely incredible because people that don’t deal with this, have no clue of the struggle. Angelshaven767676@gmail.com
Yes, I frequently wish I was less sensitive.
Oftentimes I feel bad for making a fuss about almost everything and it hurts me that most people don’t seem to understand me.
I’m overwhelmed almost all the time and there’s not a single moment without pain.
I taught myself not to get bothered by small things, however, this HSP stuff is heavy on me. Even when I am happy or excited, I feel it so much that it hurts. But the worst is when I suffer – I suffer x100 compared to a normal person, feeling physical pain and just ruminating over and over. I wish I was different.