I discovered that some people were finding my blog by searching for the phrase, “I hate sensitive people.”
Hi there, you!!!!
I used to dislike sensitive people, too.
When I was younger, I thought showing sensitivity was a weakness. I wanted to be tough. Being tough is cool! Being a “wuss” is not. I wanted to be “one of the guys”, not an emotional, drama-queen, girly-girl.
Well, here’s the thing. Being a Highly Sensitive Person doesn’t mean you are an unpredictable, powder keg drama queen who cries all the time.
The problem is usually in the definition of high sensitivity. It is NOT the same thing as hypersensitivity. Hypersensitivity means being emotionally fragile. High sensitivity is a biological predisposition that has little to do with emotional toughness. (source) High sensitivity means you are very perceptive, conscientious, easily overstimulated, and empathic.
Plus, sensitivity can be a beautiful thing. People who make art and poetry, who make it their life’s work to try to lessen the pain of others, who are willing listen and help you when you are struggling–are important to have in this world, even if you can’t relate to them. HSPs might have a different outlook on life than you do, but that doesn’t make them wrong. Wouldn’t it boring if everyone was the same? And how dull would the world be without art, music, dance, poetry, and philanthropy?
Read this incredible account of how sensitive medical professionals made a world of difference for a gravely injured young man.
Not convinced? Still annoyed by highly sensitive people? Well, let me ask you this: do you hate people who are left-handed or introverted? ‘Cuz those are sort of similar. Being highly sensitive is innate.
My message to you would be to please realize that everyone has a different life experience. Maybe you were born attracted to people of the same gender. Maybe you were born left-handed. Or with 6 fingers on each hand! Or to parents who were drug addicts. We all have different genes and different situations. Why judge? Maybe a little more acceptance and understanding is the answer.
“Sensitivity can be a beautiful thing too..”Well .. it is.. because although we can feel the pain of people.. we can comfort. We can feel your joy too. The freshness of a child. The peace in innocence. The truth in humbleness.. If people only “sense” four or five emotions.. is because they can only “define” those. Sensitivity wires us to sense more.. Let’s say someone is SAD. Ok? what measure of sadness? is it love sick? is it because of a loss.. is it because someone does not understand you?Is it frustration? see… a lot of SAD definitions… according to WHAT triggers it. But we go about and say:”im sad”, and that’s it. Well… sensitive people if we observe a loved one being sad.. we know. Their expressions… body language… etc.. there is something else in US that can define THAT SADNESS, beyond. And you don’t even have to explain. That is why it is powerful, because we don’t have to go to class for that… we just know. A friend of mine lost her father.. and she stood infront of me and said: I don’t know what to say…i don’t know what i am feeling… i answered: “you already told me so.. without words”.
You’re implying that I shouldn’t dislike someone because they were “born that way”?
That’s funny. How they came to be doesn’t matter, I still dislike the way they act.
Well, I simply disagree wholeheartedly with your statement. IMO, how someone “came to be” matters 100%.
Do us a favor an go kill yourself. I sure as hell don’t like the holier than thou attitude you got going on.
Obviously, the world would be a better place if all the people who went on the internet telling people to kill themselves weren’t in it. Fortunately, there are less murderous ways than your psychopathic style of thinking to achieve this. But I suppose we should be grateful to know what people with your IP are thinking.
Mannnn the people who hate hsp, feel like they are perfectly normal, because they have tough skin. I have a friend with so call tough skin and she also have a rapist in her family that everyone sweeps under the rug because it happen so long ago. Anyways everyone has issues even the people who can take a societal beaten.
“So you think being tough is a drama queen”
It doesn’t matter how they “came to be” because that implicates 100% of the human race. No one has any control of their circumstances of existence. Nobody asked to be born. and No one has a choice on how they are born. Dwell with something you have control over and dwelling on what can’t be changed is why we hate people like you. Most people are just as capable of counselling others in times of need and pain and I’m pretty sure the majority of therapists and counselors are not Emotional people. Don’t mix gas with fire. Only someone who is stable and in control of themselves can help the unstable and unhinged.
As for the topic the reason why we hate sensitive people is because you are all walking landmines. It is better and easier just to avoid the landmine than try to live next to one. 🙂 billions of people on earth and counting. There is no scarcity for companionship out there.
You hate sensitive people because they are ‘walking landmines’? That is a judgemental assumption and I feel sorry for you that you think that. I am highly sensitive. I am not a walking landmine and in fact I am the person whom most people I know turn to when they need someone to talk to, because I listen and I ‘get it’ a lot of the time. If you want to avoid someone like that, and hate them, that’s your choice, but you are missing out on what sensitive people have to offer.
How did you… not… just plant a landmine in your anonymous comment on the internet? 🙂
As stated in the post, HSPs are not “hypersensitive”. Being an HSP doesn’t mean you don’t have control over your emotions. You didn’t read the post and you are commenting on something you don’t understand.
You’re pretty pathetic, Shinku, if you can’t learn to quit being a jerk. Like it or not, there will always be sensitive people. And you have to learn to be tactful whether you want yo or not.
Hey! Highly sensitive person here. You are a flipping mess. Do you know “most counselors”? Didn’t think so. Take your own advice and find someone “stable and in control” to help you because you sound unhinged.
PS “… is why we hate people like you.”
“we hate sensitive people…because you are all walking landmines.”
How marvellous you gave yourself permission to speak for the whole himan race. How about bigfoot and Yeti? If you are lucky the dinosaurs might stage a comeback.
Landmines or not, HSPs live in a world meant to be loud. There’s no space for feelings with masculinity reigning supreme.
I understand what you say,I m surrounded by highly sensitive people,they are the people I love the most.Im highly sensitive too and I’m not surprised why people hate them.Yes, they do react to little things.Even if they are made like that ,it is hard for others to understand.people always like to be around thick skinned easy going folks.It sure is a lot of fun. when life isn’t treating you right then sensitive people are like a soothing balm to your grieving heart.Sensitive people can be super fun too 😎🤗😊
You are obviously very sensitive yourself if you feel that way.
Your mother didnt hold you enough did they? Only a psychopath would purposely go online to try to hurt people who are clearly SENSITIVE. Talk about childish, bully behavior. Kinda pathetic really…. that you “hate” us so much you went searching for us only to tell us how much you dislike us LOL
PREACH. I want my dad to see this thread. This is where he’s heading.
I think you are right and the haters in the comments are trolling for a reaction.
Its a shame that some people just want to watch others hurt. People like that need to do some soul searching for their own sake. I admit it can come to my notice when people hate me for whatever reason, but I have learned to divert my attention by writing those individuals off as misguided and disturbed and focusing on what I can control, my behaviors. I do not respond to internet trolls.
I am glad to have found your blog/podcast. I am an HSP who is learning new coping mechanisms. I have decided that only I get to decide what feelings I let have influence over me. I realize that while I may still feel negative things, what actually matters is not that I am hurt by haters words, as my feelings will do what they want. What matters is the choice I make to not let those feelings influence my actions…. Which leads at times to contradicting behaviors/feelings. I acknowledge the hurt and accept that they exist. I let my longterm goals dictate what I do with those feelings. I’m not perfect at it, but I find that having this general rule for behavior is really a sanity saver when I am over stimulated.
I feel like the internal life of an HSP is all about perseverance, happiness, and perspective. If I can keep the right perspective and trust my gut, I can get through anything. Including haters. Also, sometimes it is good to vent your anger in the face of someone who has no respect. I find, being a generally friendly HSP, that one good well-timed vent of your anger to reckless individuals can go a long way. I am not a pushover just because my biology makes me more sensitive. If I think it will affect change/not waste my time, I will annihilate a hater if they have brazenly chosen to be rude to me. Fnok polite. If you cant be polite to me, well them’s the brakes for you as well, if I so choose.
Thanks for this awesome comment, Ren!! 🙂
Great, that is YOUR life , not this crazy insensitive , me first attitude !
This response most appreciated and appropriate. Thank you
I don’t like hyper-sensitive people because they are control freaks. They can’t handle critisim & they can’t accept the fact some people have different views from them.
Does my opinion hurt you? “WAAAH” Someone call the Wambulance.
I had to laugh at this one because you clearly didn’t read the post. I describe in simple language that high sensitivity isn’t the same as hypersensitivity. And having problems with people who have different views? HSPs have such strong empathy that they are normally good at putting themselves in others’ shoes. Not accepting other peoples’ views has nothing to do with high sensitivity.
You think your opinion hurt me? Don’t flatter yourself. It did give me a good chuckle because I knew writing this response would be so easy.
Oooookayyy. Be careful not to cut yourself on that edge, “Anonymous”. You probably don’t realize this, but you actually took time out of your day to complain about “hyper-sensitive” people not being able to accept that some people’s views are different from theirs…while you yourself don’t seem very accepting of the writer’s view that the trait of sensory processing sensitivity isn’t something a person should be penalized for having…which is a view apparently different from yours. Sort of sailed right over your head, I guess? Also, deciding to comment as anonymous suggests that you don’t handle criticism too well yourself. It seems like you intended your comment to come off like some sort of middle-finger to the writer of the post, but you just kinda made yourself seem like an illogical person with nothing intelligent to contribute, instead. I’m sure you don’t mind that too much and won’t ever even see this, but I felt like pointing out that you made yourself look like a crybaby crying about people that you perceive to be crybabies. Kinda amusing.
Yep. *slow clap*
Your’e the one who’s an asshole, Anonymous! If you can’t learn to handle sensitive people, you’ll have your ass handed to you .So do me a favor and go kill yourself like the insensitive and inconsiderate bastard you are.
Either you learn to be sensitive and considerate to others or get the shit beaten of you. So what if they’re control freaks?! If I’m you, I’d tiptoe around them forever. Besides, social Darwinism is absolute bullshit!
P.S. You’re a crybaby since you whined about sensitivity, which is a gift.
You bring too much shame to the name anonymous.
So yeah, I’m pretty late on commenting on this. May or may not be seen by this person.
I don’t know who hurt you but you shouldn’t let something someone done to you affect how you see other people with similar characteristics. However, that is your choice.
You can roll your eyes and call me every name in the book, but I’m not going to take it personally. Why should I? I’m not the one carrying around all that hate in my heart.
Maybe you’re highly sensitive yourself. You obviously have feelings or you wouldn’t be posting on a site like this. Hurt people hurt people. But maybe you don’t feel nothing. Maybe you are numb? There is a thin line between feeling too much and becoming numb.
Maybe you think I’m just wasting my time commenting on this? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe you don’t feel like anyone cares. But I promise you someone does, and no matter what you’re not alone no matter how alone you feel. That goes for anyone reading this.
It gets better, you just have to truly believe it.
I get what you are saying but when your friend cries over nothing and this happens all the time it can be a stress. Some people are pretty annoying when they cry, not because they are crying or whining, because when you even just walk past them they say something like “go away! stop it! I wanna be ALONE!!” then someone else comes by and they hug them! Not only is this choosing favourites but that person is complaining, hurting your feelings without caring and looking for attention. This specific kind of person can also try and get off on things and their excuse is that they are crying! I’m not the toughest person around but when you cry at a year 6 graduation at the and of the year (not high school, not uni but primary school) you might feel a bit annoyed when they look at you like your doing something wrong! But what really ticks me off is when that person has an easy life! I have a pretty average life, parents split, hate my dad’s girlfriend, I have serious breathing problems so it’s hard for me to do sport leading to me being heavyer, and that leading to me having social anxiety. I might like to say my life is a bit harder that some peoples but way easyer that others and when my life is harder but people complain about the simplest things like how they didn’t have desert last night. I HATE IT.
Hi ABL, I’m sorry you are frustrated by your friend (I think you are talking about a friend?) If you don’t like this person, you don’t have to be friends with them, you know! I’m a little confused though–are you saying that this other person cries a lot, or that you do? I am a little unclear from your post.
I do take issue with the comment “they have an easy life”. You likely have no idea what another person’s life is really like, or how they feel inside their heads. Things can look good from the outside but be terrible in the inside.
I understand what this blog is saying but mostly all speak about understanding the highly sensitive person while rarely speaking on the people they affect. I consider myself confident and maybe optimistic but my gf is very sensitive on account of her having clinical depression. There’s only so much I can “understand” and support before it gets to the point of me thinking “Just get over it”. If she was just a friend, I’d probably wouldn’t be as close to her. Those people are emotionally draining and their lack of tolerance to stress and adversity annoys the hell out of me but you can’t tell them that,you’re only supposed to understand and empathetize…. -___-
Yes, you are supposed to empathize, although you might not be able to understand how she feels. It is difficult to have a partner with a mental disorder. But how would you want someone you loved to treat you if you had clinical depression? Saying that your girlfriend’s clinical depression symptoms “annoy the hell out of you” is heartbreaking–for her. I hope you never let her know you feel that way. I’m sure she doesn’t need to feel worse about herself. Is she getting therapy? Maybe this will help you: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/serious-mental-illness.aspx
Keep in mind that depression and high sensitivity are not the same thing.
I agree. I’ve met plenty of people with major depression who could not qualify for HSP categorization (sensitivity to loudness, cherishing alone time to recharge, picking up on others’ emotions, sensitive to physical touch, etc.), yet having major depression symptoms, like feelings of despair, low self-esteem, lack of motivation, etc. lasting months or years.
Yeah… I get what your saying. I came across this because I searched “HSP are annoying”. Very rude, i’m sorry, but I’ve honestly been looking all over to see if there are people who have dealt with a situation like the one i’m dealing with. My girlfriend is HSP and i’m at my wits end with her. Every website if found is telling me “How to have a HSP partner,” but what they mean is how you should love them and get past the fact that you have to walk on eggshells just so their feelings don’t get hurt. My girlfriend and I are very VERY different. We met at a convention because we both liked the same anime. (cringey, i know). What I saw was a funny, kind, happy, bright person. We kept in touch over text. One of my friends and one of her friends from our states (Tennessee and Pennsylvania), were all in a group chat we set up. Things were great, however we really could only contact over social media and text. Ok. That’s fine.The day she asked me to be her girlfriend, i was ecstatic. It was the best day ever until before she went to bed, she told me “I love you.” I said it back to her, but i felt really unsettled. I felt like she was rushing things way too much. However, what unsettles me the most is that she was telling the truth. We’re still together now, and i feel more like a mom than a girlfriend. After about a week of being together, i noticed the changes. She wasn’t “sunny” or “funny” anymore. She was self-pitying, needy, clingy, attention seeking, and HSP was one of her disorders along with depression and anxiety. All three of those, which she refused to see a therapist for. She claimed she was scared and that it wasn’t a big deal. If you ask me, she wanted me to say “Oh yes it IS a big deal, you poor thing. let me cater to your every need,” or didn’t want to not have a reason to whine and broadcast how much her life sucks. I came on the internet looking for advice. To see if anyone else was tired of their partner getting offended because god forbid you have a different opinion. To see if anyone was tired of their partner accusing them of calling them a liar after saying “Are you sure you’re fine?” after they say “I just really hate my life right now, but its fine… i’m used to it… don’t worry about me, i’m fine,” and when you DON’T ask if they’re fine, seeing their next social media post only to find its, “Don’t you hate it when you’re not fine, and you have to put on a brave face and say you’re fine, and no one even cares enough to say, ‘no you’re not.'” I came searching to see if anyone is tired of passive aggressive BS, tired of being the one stepped all over just so their partner can victimize themselves further, and tired of needing distance, but not getting any because their clingy partner’s feelings are hurt when they’re not attended to like royalty. Tired of being told “they cant help it!!!1!!11!,” and that that somehow means i should have to give up my own happiness so they’re not upset. Tired of being told that they should love the thing they cant stand anymore.
Let me share some examples.
One time, my girlfriend, Maia, wanted to facetime. I was at my grandparent’s house, and kindly told her that I couldn’t facetime at the moment, but i would as soon as i possible could. What did i get in response? “Oh…” Used to it by now, i apologized. And what did i get in response? “no, its fine…. im used to people not being able to make time for me…”
One time we were on the group chat, and the other two and I were joking around, and I said, “I would (excuse my language) fuck a shark[vacuum] (we were referring to the vacuum because we were previously making fun of the commercials) and when she came onto the group message, she got offended and was jealous… of a vacuum cleaner.
Another time we were talking, and I told her i was not comfortable with much more than chaste pecks on the lips, and that i honestly cant see myself being intimate. I don’t know why or what’s wrong with me, but I just… can’t. Something that (*gasp!*) was about me for once, she completely turned around to make it about her and how SHE was the victim. She made it sound like I said I didn’t love her, was saying she was ugly, “What did i do wrong?”… etc.
Once we were talking about meeting up again. She was saying “Im going to hug you the whole time!” and I replied with “haha, yeah, but im not much of a hugger.” Which, she once again, took personally.
We were once all in the group text, when she misspelled my friend’s name. My friend said “Its Sadie, not Sady lol :P” What did Maia say? “Oh… Im sorry… Im a screw up… Ill just go” and didnt reply to anything for the rest of the day. Funny enough, In another group msg, with my best friend, she forgot Maia’s name. I had only told her in person and she has short term memory loss. When Steph politely asked, Maia said “Its Maia… but its ok… dont worry… im just not memorable…”
Some nights we will all be joking around in the group message, and she’ll join in and say “I really just want to die…” and when all of us ask what’s wrong, she says “Im fine….” and when we say “No, seriously, whats wrong, she says “I’m FINE just DROP it!!!!,” (something, which, if one of us said to her, she would sob for hours about. She claims its because she doesnt want us to “be burdened by her sadness,” or that she doesnt want us to worry. I feel like thats not why. As bad as it might sound, i think shes evasive about it BECAUSE she WANTS us to worry. She WANTS us to pity her. She WANTS us to drop everything and giver her attention. She will usually quickly stop responding, leaving the rest of us worried and honestly, really awkward.
She will always do that. All she will say sometimes is depressing things, and leave. Just like that. Ive noticed a pattern though. Whenever we’re having fun and things aren’t about her, she tends to have a wave of self pity.
Another time she got mad at me because she was all offended over a joke, and when she told me, i thought it was pretty damn funny. It was a blonde joke. She’s middle-eastern and was adopted by american parents. She was offended because I’M blonde. She was telling me how she yelled at someone cause they made a mean blonde joke. When she told me what it was, “Lmfao,” was apparently not the right answer. She just said, “Oh…”
“I…. Im sorry… Ill stop talking… I thought you would be happy…..Im just a screw up.” aaaaand didnt reply to my messages for the rest of the day. Funny enough, when I dont reply, and am away from my phone, my messages i get are: “Di!” “Whats up gorgeous” “hello?” “Di?” “Diane?” “Do you hate me?” “What did i do?” “Im sorry” “i cant do anything right…” “I havnt eaten in 2 days” “Im so fat” “Is that why you dont love me anymore?” “Di?”
“Are you ok?” “Do i need to call 911?” “No… thats stupid….Im stupid…youre probably with people worthwhile”
YES. THIS. ACTUALLY. HAPPENED.
What I’ve learned.
1- Dont ever criticize them. Even if it’s “Your bra shows through that shirt just incase you weren’t aware, sweetheart” just because you dont want to listen to a three hour rant about how humiliated they were and how much of a screw up they are and that they cried themselves to sleep, only to be hit with “Are you calling me stupid?” or “Are you saying i look bad?” “Do you not think i’m attractive?”
2- Don’t correct them. Theyre always right, and when theyre not, theyre offended.
3- Don’t question them. Just don’t
4- Never wait more than a minute to reply
5- If you go 12 hours without saying “I love you,” it means you hate them
6- even when its not, its about them
7- if you compliment them, youre a liar. When you don’t, you hate them
8- Be ready to drop everything to meet their every need.
9- For the love of goD, remember their birthday, remember your anniversary, remember how many months, weeks, days, and hours you have been dating. Remember their favorite color, their shirt size, their dog’s name, their hogwarts house (She’s hufflepuff, i’m ravenclaw lol), their MBTI type (She’s ISFJ and I’m INTP… if you know MBTI, you know why this is a match made in hell). Remember their favorite movie. The color their room is painted. That they’re allergic to peanuts (and don’t EVER talk about peanuts with them around). And yes. These are all things i have forgotten and she has cried about. (to sleep, might I add)
10- “THEy can’T HElp iT1!!!11!!!!!!1!1!” and youre supposed to be ok with it. Youre supposed to cater to them. You’re supposed to be ok with them being so dependent on you, that if youre gone for a minute, its the end of their world. Even, if that is your number one pet peeve. Even if your #1 priority is space. (And don’t EVER imply you need space)
She tells me i’m the light of her life, but honestly, she puts a dark could in mine. She tells me im the best thing that’s ever happened, but she’s one of my biggest mistakes. She tells me she loves me, but I feel like a liar when i say it back… I’m afraid she will hurt herself if I break up with her. I’m afraid she will hate me. Im afraid one of my best friends which i met through her will hate me. I’m afraid of breaking up such a beautiful group-friendship. I just want to be friends…. Is it really my fault that I just cant take it..? Im stuck.
I mean… She cares what I think. She cares what I think and what other people think so much, and I admire her empathy. But it gets to the level of her caring what people think and how much they may or may not care, that i really cant take it. I also can’t help but think some of it’s an excuse to get attention. She thrives off of other people’s approval. Im supposed to live with this just because it’s her genetics?
I know it would break her heart if i left her over something she can’t help, but I can’t take it… I really can’t take it… I tried. She’s draining the life out of me. Please help.
I know this post is from a while ago. I hope things have gotten better for you. From your description of your girlfriend, it doesn’t sound to me like she is an HSP. It sounds like she is a narcissist which is just about opposite of HSP. I can only speak for myself, but all the unnecessary drama would be so draining. As an HSP I pick up on emotions all around me. I am much more likely to bend over backwards trying to make sure other people are comfortable and I can’t remember ever picking a fight. The downside is that when I am around a lot of people for too long, I get tired. I am picking up on body language and facial cues of so many people at once. Somebody says something and I’m analyzing the effect of those words on the other people. After a while I can get exhausted and need time alone in quiet. Walking through the woods along a stream is perfect for me to recharge. I am not an emotional person (I’m actually an engineer and am very analytical.) Sensory overload is probably the best description.
For everyone who has commented about their bad experiences with HSP’s, I’m sorry you have had to go through bad things. I’m just not sure how many of those folks are actually HSP’s.
Hi Morgan, I couldn’t agree more. Many people blame their inability to manage their behavior or emotions on being highly sensitive. Being an HSP is not an excuse for bad behavior. Everyone must learn coping skills!
I’m really glad I read this comment and the others following about how the behavior described by Diane is not necessarily hsp behavior. I came here too by typing in hsps are annoying…that type of thing. What she described is almost exactly my experience with my hsp infp boyfriend. Every day there is a new reason to become upset and/or cry at my behavior. The newest thing is if I look at him too long when he’s in a room and upset. Sound bothers him (I have to wear headphones for watching tv, youtube, you name it he’d be very offended if he had to suffer through a sound that wasn’t created by him), sometimes my touches because of my nails (short trimmed), smells (so I have to be very careful about what I cook and time it accordingly so he doesn’t have to suffer when coming home). If I laugh the response I get often “are you laughing at me?” which I’m careful not to laugh at him and I wouldn’t want to anyway. Any conversation becomes about him. If he’s rude and I tell him he hurt my feelings, he gets upset about it and then it becomes my responsibility to make him feel better about being rude to me. All arguments, almost all conversations funnel back to him with me trying to make him feel better. If I broke my leg? Guaranteed I’d have to make him feel better about the pain he was feeling because of my injury. It sucks. I feel like everything, EVERYTHING in our relationship is about trying to keep him from cracking or getting depressed. I daydream about being around someone even remotely stable. It’s nice to know not all hsps act like this.
Hello Diane, thank you for your comment. I’m sorry you are having a tough time with your relationship, that stinks! So, HSP is not a disorder (it’s a trait), and it is not always the cause/blame for a person’s actions. If a person is selfish and reactive, for example, that does not mean it is just due to being highly sensitive. HSPs still need to have tools to deal with the world and not hurt/be mean to/manipulate other people. I am not a mental health professional and anything I say here is just my opinion, but I wish your girlfriend would speak to a therapist. It is not fair for you to have to walk on eggshells. She may have issues she should work out with a professional. If you are unhappy in a relationship, there is nothing that says you must stay. I know you are trying to be careful of her feelings, but have to look out for yourself, too.
Lol! I’m INTP too, and possibly HSP. Sorry… this does not sound like a healthy ISFP or HSP… Therapy does sound like a good next step. I don’t think it’s very accurate to generalize too much per type, but I’d think that a lot of Guardians would feel safe and comfortable having a reputable therapist or authority figure like a pastor intervene.
Edit: ISFJ- sorry… you know what I mean. 🙂
I just wanna say thank you to everyone who are trying or tried to help a HSP like the ones mentioned, even if you’re mad at them now and even if you found out you can’t handle it. Not everyone would do what you did.
As for the ones who found out they’re victims of this, I guess this website’s better at advising than I am. Not entirely HSP, but I find blogs like these because I can’t find the answers myself.
Thanks Claire, what a nice comment. And maybe that is something I should have focused more on in this post. People who do not have the trait of high sensitivity but are understanding to their partner who IS an HSP–that is a wonderful thing. Thank you to the people who have tried to be understanding and accepting.
I’m accepting that I might be an HSP, but I’ve also lived with definite HSP who didn’t at all take responsibility for how she made other people feel and routinely sabotaged anyone who didn’t say, think, feel and behave exactly the way she wanted them to. It was all about her. *eye roll* So I can understand the irritation. HSPs are huge, huge, subjective category of people to speculate about though. I’m quite different from her, and so are the other HSPs I’ve met. In fact, she’s the only HSP I’ve met like that, but it really sticks out in my mind because of what a negative experience it was. That’s how it goes: people are hurt by someone specific in their lives and tries to generalize from that. That’s a logical fallacy, but doing a little research online to explore that pain is probably, ultimately, a very positive thing.
Great comment–so true!! You can be an HSP and be a horrible jerk. Being HSP doesn’t excuse you from the rules of common courtesy and politeness. Many people complain of someone who may have been highly sensitive but also had lots of other issues and generalize that *all* HSPs are like that, and it’s not true. 🙂
She was probably not an HSP. Read this:
“Highly Sensitive People Are NOT Covert Narcissists. … But because the covert narcissist is mainly characterized by worry, insecurity, and vulnerability, the personality disorder overlaps the traits of an HSP. BUT. Repeat after me: Highly Sensitive People are not covert narcissists”.
Most likely she had NPD.
Get it right and educate yourself.
I got here by searching “overly sensitive people annoy me”
After finding it impossible to have an adult conversation about a difficult topic.
I was looking for a something to help vent my frustration about walking on eggshells over the tiniest thing that may hold an opinion that differs to others.
I’m hsp. I tend to show my emotions through communication. So if someone is big and bad I let them I tend to not hang with people who like to degrade others or gossip. Attending family functions is down right exhausting as my first day at work. I like sitting at lunch alone because I am confident that someone will join me. When you get to know me you find that I’m fun make others laugh and am who I am. I don’t put up a front and I fight my own battles and am there for those who cannot. I usually don’t post on social media but in this case I will. To those who are highly sensitive people Your NORMAL. This is a good thing and if populars or others don’t like it eff e-mail! BE YOU
I ment to say eff em. Ha ha not e-mail.
The flip side of this is that HSP are often NOT as sensitive, caring or concerned with people in their orbit as they wish to believe. They rely upon those of us who are less sensitive to get things done, often because they are so overwhelmed with their feelings that they let the mundane stuff pile up. They use their sensitive natures to burden others into doing for them because…oh, well, Henry just can’t handle it taking his child to the doctor for a vaccination. The kid will cry, he will fall apart – you do it, honey! You’re tough.
It’s obnoxious. It’s a form of emotional abuse. The rest of us little people do not exist merely to serve and get this – we have emotions too! Treating us like rented mules while you once again cry in a corner somewhere because it’s all too much for you still leaves everyone in your orbit having to tote your load.
It is one thing to handwring over a problem. It’s another to actually get up and do something about it – even when the reward for doing so isn’t recognized immediately, or ever.
We dandelions to your orchids may be nothing but weeds to be stomped, mowed, harvested to be consumed for your pleasure and shat upon, but we are NOT your inferiors. Nor are we all extraverts, or dim-witted or incapable of feeling sorrow or happiness just because our moods don’t necessarily change with the wind.
That is a harmful thing to say. I get what you’re saying, believing that HSPs use you, but a lot of the people who are less sensitive hurt us too. My dad, as I said in my anonymous comment at the bottom, hates feelings. He can’t stand it when I get stressed over small things, and it’s gotten to the point where just because I’m really stressed about school, my MOM, who I thought I could trust, thinks I’m being manipulative and TRYING to cry. Little does she know, I just want to stop feeling. Maybe my eardrums could unexist too, while my feelings are at it. I can’t take the noise anymore.
You can package it as “empathetic and caring” and I’m not saying they’re not, but on the other spectrum, highly sensitive people are selfish. They’re so keen on how THEY’RE feeling and how others are impacting THEM that they make mountains out of molehills because they over-react and over-read in most situations. It’s incredibly tiring to be on the receiving end. They’re the adult children who cry when others don’t act the way they want them to. But life is life. Sometimes we just need to be adults and move on.
Wow. Some of these comments are from people who thinks HSPs are the same as drama queens (male or female), or people suffering from mental illness. Being an HSP simply means you’re part of the 15-20% of the population who is more sensitive to stimuli and emotions. Affected by music, finds it tough to watch violent or scary movies, often picks up little details, may get overwhelmed by crowds or loud noises. Some of the behavior people are describing is that of a very troubled person, or a selfish person who is very drama-focused and the commentor thinks of them as “sensitive.” sheesh. Many clearly didn’t read the damn post and came to make assumptions on people who visit this site because they themselves are dealing with troubled or simply selfish people and think “sensitivity” means unstable. Being an HSP does not mean someone is mentally unhealthy. They’re very different discussions.
Imagine what would the planet be like without the HSP. There goes a vast majority of the world’s art. Automobile designers would have the creative vision of a rock. Happy Birthday To You would be the most stimulating musical score. Movies would have the same plotline, and the food supply would be endledd rows of canned Spam.
Wow, I’m skimming through this blog and sense a lot of negativity, misunderstanding and hatred towards people of our type. I have been reading about the HSP for many years now, because I myself am one. To a certain extent, I would say that there are different levels of HSP. Some people are just a “little” HSP [the type the OP mentions], and others are VERY HSP. I’m not going to rant about much, except to say that I do believe that the higher on the HSP spectrum you get [let’s say a 6-10], the more emotional fragility this type of person experiences as well. In other words, I don’t believe that “hypersensitive” and “highly sensitive” are two different things, but that they go hand-in-hand. It’s understandable to “hate” someone because you have to “walk on eggshells” around them all the time. That can truly be quite difficult at times, and once again, highly misunderstood. But at the same time, people are built differently. We can’t expect everyone to behave the same way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that “highly sensitive” people and “highly insensitive people”, of which there honestly appears to be many of in this blog entry, are two completely different types of people, and will therefore not understand how each other “ticks” at all. Because HSP’s understand each other, I think that HSP’s should try to seek out more relationships with other HSP’s, even though that might seem difficult, since we are only 20% of the population. And non-HSP’s should try to stick with non-HSP’s when it comes to relationships and friendships, as obviously they will feel more comfortable when lacking compassion and empathy for each other.
What about dramatically spoken people don’t you find them
weak when they think there tough doing all the dramatic drama queen stuff.
You hate sensitive people huh? Well in return, sensitive people hate you because of your insensitivity. Like it or not, they’ll always exist. If you can’t stand them, put up with them ‘cuz they’re here to stay.
Its not like Im a hater of sensitive people, but you know when someone just like reacted so sensitively and makes the fun all just disappear? That suck…I know people are struggling so much if theyre sensitive, and its their problem
My Dad tells me to “calm the f*** down” when I can’t. He hates feelings and hates me. He absolutely cannot deal with any instance when I get stressed over a small reason and I would love to have someone supportive and not depressed for a dad instead. Get off Reddit, and stop listening to anonymous internet a**holes, please. For my sanity.