For this post (and the accompanying podcast episodes), I asked several highly sensitive men to share their stories and opinions.
While geared toward men, much of this can apply to all HSPs.
Why did I want to write specifically about men? There is the cultural expectation that women are more emotional and sensitive than men–that men should be tough and stoic. It seems to me that this could clash with the traits of being an HSP.
The challenges of being a highly sensitive man
Peter, who’s in his 50s, shared this story, “As a boy, I will always remember the time when, in second grade, something had happened in the classroom which resulted in me breaking down and crying. The teacher suggested I go to the boys’ restroom to collect myself, which I gratefully did. Two minutes later, a classmate joined me and told me the teacher had said that I was too sensitive. From that point forward, for decades, I felt as though sensitivity was a flaw, resulting, in my adult years, in my attempting to hide who I was, to ‘put my game face on’ in just about all of my business and many other interactions.”
Isn’t it amazing how one interaction in our youth can affect us for so many years? I wonder if Peter had instead been a little girl who started crying, would the teacher have made the comment about being too sensitive? It’s normal for girls to cry—maybe not so much for boys who are expected to be tough, right?
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Check out the book The Strong, Sensitive Boy by Ted Zeff for guidance on how to raise happy, confident, sensitive sons! |
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Here’s another story, this one from Fred in Sweden, who’s in his 40s. “In senior high school I and two boys were the only boys in a class, the rest was girls. Everyone else was loud and one teacher nicknamed the class ‘the hockey team’, because it was like entering a locker room. Being a sensitive man made it even more difficult to blend in.”
A common thread that runs through many of these sensitive men’s writings is that they avoid certain situations where they know others may see them react emotionally. They may also keep small social circles and avoid getting too close to people, in case their true emotions are exposed.
Matthew, in his 40s, said, “I would say much of my history has been filled with trying to dull overwhelm. I have been able to detach from myself to varying degrees to make myself feel less or more normal. This is good and bad.”
When he first learned about HSP, Stephen, who’s in his 30s, said he realized that much of his life to that point had been about realizing the negative reactions of being highly sensitive and mitigating them to feel “normal”. So he would kind of push away his sensitivity, forcing those feelings to go away.
Stephen said, “It’s hard to dampen excitement, terror, and rapture amongst other things, as the expectation is to remain more stoic as a man. It takes a lot more energy to be strong as a man if particular stimuli and events trigger these highly sensitive reactions.”
Chris, who’s in his 20s, wrote, “While growing up, I sometimes felt inadequate and undervalued, since I didn’t feel ‘tough’ like other guys. I also sometimes felt that others viewed me as less of a male, and a less desirable relationship partner. I knew that I didn’t like being ‘tough’ and that it wasn’t me, but it was still difficult to navigate my feelings.”
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Read Dr. Elaine Aron’s book The Highly Sensitive Person in Love to get a deep understanding of how HSPs love others and how they want to be loved! |
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“There is a general reaction of ‘get over yourself’ whenever I display any sort of behavior related to my high sensitivity, whereas I feel there would be more understanding and attempts to empathize were I female,” said Llewellyn, a British man in his 20s.
I can certainly empathize with the struggles these men have described. How unfortunate that our culture takes little boys who feel the world strongly and tells them that they are wrong, weird, or weak. That self-disapproval can last a lifetime.
Here’s a response to all those people who think the stereotypical “real man” can’t be sensitive:
A commenter on my blog named Gary wrote, “I’m a former amateur boxer and judo competitor. I cry fairly easily, especially when I see TV ads depicting starving children or abused animals, etc. I’ve noticed many male UFC fighters who cry upon losing a match or feeling they let their supporters down. These folks, including myself, are not ‘sissies’, I assure you.”
How to deal with being a sensitive man
Chris says, “I’ve dealt with these difficulties by focusing on self-love, appreciation, and acceptance. I love myself the way I am and I try to change my environment to fit my needs, which can include the people I socialize with, the places I go to, and how I spend my time. It still hurts when I meet someone who thinks I’m flawed for being sensitive, but it’s just their opinion, it doesn’t mean he/she is right. And even if it were a flaw, all humans have quirks and flaws that make them unique, it’s nothing to be ashamed about.”
He also thinks society’s views have changed over the years. “It seems that people are more accepting of the idea that both men and women have feelings and that it’s ok for everyone to be gentle and compassionate.”
Llewellyn also said that he is careful about who he socializes with. “I have managed to isolate myself from the opinions of strangers. Understanding friends and my pursuit of my creative hobbies have helped me see my high sensitivity as a blessing rather than a burden.”
The benefits for sensitive men
Highly sensitive men can make great partners and friends to both women and men. Male HSPs find that their non-HSP male friends lean on them when they need someone to talk to about deeper issues.
“If an HSP can turn their insecurity about being sensitive into something empowering, it can allow one to initiate and drive more intimate relationships with others, especially masculine relationships,” Stephen said.
Peter has a similar comment. He explains how in female relationships, women are more socially permitted to talk about their emotions and feelings right away, whereas male relationships are more based around shared interests–and they don’t talk about emotions and feelings much.
Because of his nature, Peter finds himself sought out by men for “friendship, encouragement, and advice.”
And there are the benefits all HSPs enjoy, like intense feelings of joy.
Matthew wrote, “I occasionally have moments of positive emotional overwhelm, even euphoria. Microbursts of being or feeling incredibly high and joyful.”
“I would not want to change who I am or how intensely I experience things. Even a sunset can trigger an intense rush of positive feelings.”
A recent article about HSPs in the Wall Street Journal interviewed a former engineer for NASA named Michael Hassard. He had some illuminating things to say about the struggles and benefits of being an HSP and a man.
The article says:
“[Michael has] sometimes noticed that women he’s dated have become uncomfortable when he is more emotional than they are. ‘Nobody loves a crybaby,’ he says.”
“And he has learned to see advantages in being so sensitive. He feels he is a better father because he can empathize better with his children. And he says he recently saved a multi-million-dollar deal at work because he was the only one on his 12-member team who picked up on the client’s apprehension, enabling the group to address it.”
“Mr. Hassard’s girlfriend…says that although his wear-it-on-his sleeve emotions have taken some time to get used to, she now loves how sensitive he is. ‘Stoic has its place,’ she says. ‘But engaging, thoughtful conversation about things that matter with someone who feels and isn’t afraid to show it is a welcome and unexpected change from the norm.’ ”
Thank you to Peter, Freddie, Matthew, Chris, Stephen, and Llewellyn for helping me with this topic.
Are you highly sensitive? Share your comments below.
See the podcast episodes related to this topic.
damn, I think I’ve sent my answers to the wrong e-mail adress. Anyways, great article and the guys have covered it pretty well!
and thanks Kelly for thinking about us men too 😉
Kelly have you ever thought about hosting a guest (let’s say extrovert HSP) writter for a new point of view from time to time?
Hi Amy, thanks for the comment. I haven’t had any guests yet and I don’t have plans to in the immediate future. My show is so brief that I’m not sure the guest would even have time to really jump into their topic! This doesn’t mean I never will have a guest–maybe someday! Stay tuned and if I start having guests, remind me to talk to you!!!
I find it excruciating to be an HSP male and find myself feeling embarrassed and isolated a lot. Ugh.
Same here Ike
I am 55 and just now allowing myself to be an HSP male. Looking back, I realize how futile the attempt was to fit in. The result was disconnection, divorce and bewilderment. I am finally learning to love myself and started to see the “green shoots” of the person I really am. While scary, I know there is no going back.
It makes me happy that you are discovering a new way to relate to yourself. I think it is so important that experienced hsp males encourage younger ones. To stick up for those who are innocent to know, teach them how to respect their fine tuned system, and encourage them to blaze their own path.
Ive always found it interesting how eastern culture uphelds the strengths of sensitive people. Yet western values dominance. Not that one is better then the other but a balance sure would be nice.
Joe,
I’m a 42 year old male that served in the Air Force. I had to separate from the Military honorably due to trying to save the world. It was very frustrating and emotionally draining. I thought something was wrong with me. It turns out I’m an Empath/HSP. I’ve discovered this recently and I finally can rationalize what’s going on with me and not think I’m doing something wrong or should conform to society’s requests of me.
It has been tough for me in many ways. But I have hope that I will continue to grow. Ive focused less on main stream success and more on what I enjoy. Trying to stick yourself in a hole you dont fit can destroy your joy and soul. Ive learned it is important to open yourself slowly to people while also not hiding who you are. Not having many role models makes navigating new terrain dangerous but exciting. Single biggest challenge has been when in relationships when I could no longer maintain the false pretense of being unemotive. I hope so much that woman can learn to love men like us. I think only then will the hsp male be accepted socially.
Thanks for sharing, Randy!! 🙂
Thanks for your comment Randy, I often think the same. I wonder, as often as women nowadays say they want a man “who can show his emotions”, I wonder how many truly mean it, … can a woman truly respect a man who is HSP and not see him as a weak male?
I’m still unsure, most of the time throughout my life, it seems at the end of the day women don’t respect us enough to want to be in a relationship with us. Maybe for them it just seems to demanding. Maybe they just want it easy and “fun”.
I hope I’m wrong … I hope to be proven wrong
Until now, I always thought I am having a “psychological” problem. Things did not work well in my workplace and relationship. I am fortunate that my wife has been patient with me and gradually understanding my sensitivity by trying not to make harsh comments. In my workplace, unfortunately, this is seen as a negative impact to the team. I have been under a lot of stress since I moved to this new organisation to pursue my career. What’s your advice on this?
Hi Abraham, thanks for the comment. That is great that your wife is understanding. I would recommend the following: accept that this is how you are, realize that you are not wrong or bad, and that you can bring your own certain strengths to the team. Now, accepting that “this is how I am” doesn’t mean you don’t stop trying to learn new coping skills, but hopefully it will help you to not think negatively about yourself, which is self-destructive. I’d need to know more about your job and organization to better understand or make more suggestions. In what ways has your sensitivity been seen as a negative to your team?
Indeed I am a Highly Sensitive Male and have known it all my life.I only learned of the term HSP and all it entails recently when I stumbled upon the book from Elaine Aron The Highly Sensitive Person. When taking the test to see if I have this condition,it was a resounding “of course you do”. So now in my 50’s and still struggling to find where I fit in the working world ,as far as a job, is overwhelming but I just keep pushing on regardless of the pain and resentment around me. I have had many jobs and somehow get by but it has been a long shit slide for the bulk of my life. Good to see options on careers here and they make much sense,hopefully I can figure something out soon. Good to know I am not alone out in the world of male HSP, Thanks and like the site.
Hi Mark, thanks so much for the comment. I hope learning about HSP has helped you. Can I recommend a book for you? It’s called “The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking” Link: http://amzn.to/1PkYRsU
I just finished reading it and found it amazing–I’m already planning on reading it a second time and taking notes! For some reason, your comment leads me to feel like it might be helpful to you, too. (It’s not my book–I don’t know the author personally or anything.)
For many years I felt something was wrong with me. I would get emotional for no apparent reason, cry at the sound of certain musical pieces and feel, in general as if I didn’t “fit in” with the other males in my social circle. My ex-wife would tell me things like “You’re too sensitive.”, “You CAN’T feel that way.” or “The doctors can give you a pill for that.”. After putting up with her abuse, negativity and narcissism for far too many years, I divorced her. I found a woman (or I should say, she found me) who recognized my feelings as HSP. She celebrated my sensitivity. I had no idea before then that there even such a thing. As I sit here and type this, my eyes mist and a chill falls over me. With her marvelous help and support, along with the help of two other female friends, I came to understand and, more importantly accept, who and what I was. I definitely find myself more “connected” to females and often find myself advising them on their relationships with men, some HSP, some not. I am forever in debt of the young lady who realized my HSP, encouraged and nurtured it along. We feel in love and recent married. Realizing, understanding and embracing my HSP has made me a stronger yet more relaxed man.
Terry, thank you for sharing your beautiful story!! I’m so happy you’ve found the right person for you!! 🙂
I dunno, i find it awful personally. It constantly feels like I’m under siege out in the fast forward world and when I’m at home I have to decompress while dealing with default negativity always sabotaging me, sucking me in. I’ve struggled with mental problems since i was a kid because of this, you try to be ‘strong’ like everybody else and it makes things much worse. High sensitivity for me is tiring and it limits your life in so many ways like isolation, loneliness, low income, few relationships. Ive done hard inner work the last few years and its better but I know in this society I’m still lowest status male and I’m not sure what to do with myself. Little things are still just as difficult. This may sound morbid but sometimes i take comfort in knowing life ends one day, you know? ‘This too shall pass’.
Thank you for letting me speak
Thanks for your comment. “This too shall pass” is a great way to think. Realizing life ends one day doesn’t have to be morbid! I think we should stop trying to reach a place of “happiness”, as if it’s something far off in the future, and try to find a way to be present and find the happiness in the “now”. I recommending checking out my new favorite book (I have been recommending it to everyone) called The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking. I think you might enjoy it. http://amzn.to/1nSf4jc
I’m sorry that you have been struggling. I hope you are able to find some solace. Thank you for sharing here.
I’m a sensitive man 27 and A Zimbabwean . In our local culture its a norm that you should “man up” swallow your feelings and move on but for me that has a always been a challenge, it has reaped away almost every relationship I had with any woman. I really understand too much and often find it hard to forgive a partner’s flaw
Hi Bothwell, I would like to say Howzit? And you will understand why in a moment and I’d like to say thanks for sharing, as I can relate to you a lot with your perspective. I too am HSP and I am currently waiting out my 1 year separated from my ex wife who just happens to be a Coloured Zimbabwean and I am a 40 yr old Canadian White Male and over our 8 years together, we had many many couselliing sessions, and 5 different counsellors, and every time they saw what our I differences were, they would tell her to stop seeing me as a Zimbabwean male and just see him for who he actually is. She was brought up in a culture of “don’t talk about it, don’t show your weaknesses” and I being sensitive showed it greatly early on and all through our marriage. Just hearing my Canadian National Anthem and watching Team Canada Men’s Hockey win Gold at 3 of the last 4 Winter Olympics was shameful enough when she looked at me sobbing in happens and joy for my countrymen as some weak man who can’t control his emotions. It was also an issue that she wouldn’t show affection unless it benefitted her. This made me constantly worried I was going to lose her and many times throughout the marriage she left for a week or a few days, and was threatening to leave me, and I greatly believe she was using my emotions against me to get what she wanted, control of the marriage her way. Never both of us together working on itt together.
Eventually I couldn’t take her negativity and me being lonely anymore and I agreed to end it along with her and now I’m finally learning more about me and my sensitivity and it explains so much of what happened in my failed marriage and I now understand a little bit more of why my 6yr old daughter is going through, cause she is more like me, HSP and we noticed that as she learned to express herself at probably age 2.
Again thanks for sharing and good luck to you!
I am a Highly Sensitive man of 40 yrs old and am just discovering how sensitive I am. I have 4 daughters and one boy and am a very successful Scientist. I went through a nasty divorce where I was being cheated on and have my kids half the time and this happened six years ago and I still struggle with that pain and impact it had on my children every day. My kids mother is a very insensitive person and I don’t get it at all. I had been very frustrated with my new wife at times because she is not use to a sensitive male and actually just stumbled across something and made me read it on sensitive men. I think it’s really going to help us grow together and love the fact that she is accepting it and loves that I am that way not that she knows that this is why I react to her differently than she is use to with her prior husband… who was also cheating on her. I do have a VERY strong emotional bond with my kids and my children LOVE that about me. I am there for everything for them and even put off important work events so that I can go on field trips, games and school events and they love feeling important. I would not want to be any other way. I do feel overwhelmed with emotion a lot and I try to hide it all the time. I am very glad I found all this information on HSP on the internet as it makes me feel very empowered and more normal.
Chad, thank you for this wonderful comment and I’m so glad you learned about (and accepted) your sensitivity!! 🙂
Was it the Chad? 🙂
I’m a highly sensitive woman and I’ve always found it much more natural to relate to and date highly sensitive men. However, there can be some difficulties in these type of relationships too, in my experiences. I actual have a litmus tests about the type of HSM I like to be friends with and to date. For those of you familiar with Star Wars, it’s the “Luke Skywalker vs. Anakin Skywalker” test. In the movies, both of these guys were really sensitive (to The Force, natch) but Luke uses his sensitivity in a constructive and compassionate way and Anakin just seemed sensitive to his own needs and desires. (I use this test to watch out for my own behavior too, not just to judge guys, BTW.)
Light Side and Dark Side.. Perfect Example..!! I love Star Wars as well, a lot can be learned from those writings that can be applied to life in general just as you have!! Thank you for sharing this..!!
Sergio F
I’ve recently come across this site and it’s great and a real help and I think finally I’ve worked out I’m HSP and wow what a relief and it means there’s nothing wrong with me and I should embrace who and how I am.
Just one question, as I understand it HSP is usually genetic (and I think possibly both of my parents were HSP) and due to nerves, is there any medical test you can have to conclude that this is the case?
Please let me know as if there was some sort of medical test then this would mean I’m happy on 2 counts 1) That I’m HSP and should embrace this and 2) There is nothing wrong with me and nothing else to test for.
I hope this makes sense
Hi James, thanks for your comment. I have not heard any research that high sensitivity is passed down from parents or families, but I’d be interested in learning more. There is no medical test to see if you have this trait–it’s like introversion/extroversion, it is a personality trait that cannot be “proven”. Dr. Elaine Aron’s test is considered to be the main way to see if you’re HSP: http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
There is nothing wrong with you for being an HSP!! 🙂
Kelly – this is lovely work – so great that there is greater understanding and compassion for all people possessing of high sensitivity.
As a psychologist and highly sensitive man myself, i have recently released (what i am led to believe) is the first book dealing specifically with high sensitivity in men.
For any readers interested here is a link below.
Peace,
Dan
https://www.amazon.com.au/Highly-Sensitive-Man-Embrace-wholehearted-ebook/dp/B01INGY07Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468886936&sr=8-1&Pkeywords=the+highly+sensitive+man
I do not know Dan, but have read his book and appreciated it for Dan’s honesty and vulnerability in his sharing. I feel that for men struggling with their high sensitivity this book can be an affirmation that there is nothing wrong with who they are, and a starting point for how to accept and embrace your strengths.
I am holding a couple of free online discussions for and about who I am calling Gentle Men, those who do not identify with the dominant macho expectations. More information here – http://www.crossingthethreshold.net/blog/gentle-men-discussion
David.
My father is HSP and I always used to say that I’m sensitive just like my dad is and that’s how I explained it, but now I am excited to embrace who I am and now that I’m taking time to get my life straightened out and make me happy for once, I now know how better to approach the next love of my life so that she knows and learns what it takes to be with someone who is HSP and maybe I can avoid more heartbreak. After my marriage ended I met this great girl who had so much in common with me except she isn’t HSP and when I tried to explain that I’m sensitive, she didn’t really react and I don’t think she ever really cared what I was trying to tell her so even though we talked about our blended families and the future of her even taking my last name it obviously was my HSP taking a toll on her and for the last two weeks things just went sideways and now I’m once again alone and I was wondering how I can avoid this exact situation again because of course she was saying I’m a really nice guy but she also knew that I needed her to open up more and be more affectionate in order for me to be happier and she could tell I was just excepting because I had fallen in love with her for so many other things and really wanted to make it work. So now that I know this even more I really feel empowered and I hope this helps me find my wife for life and my soulmate so that we can both make each other happy forever! Thank you for this website! It’s a blessing, really!
Thanks for your comment Jeff!! 🙂
Hi. I am an HSP. During my childhood and as an adolescent, I didn’t know I was sensitive and different than non-sensitive people. I “realized” I was sensitive while having full-blown paranoid schizophrenia at almost twenty-one years old. Also, my mind wasn’t right probably since I was about ten or eleven.
Is it possible for a person not to know that they are sensitive? I am lost. I do not know if I didn’t know I was sensitive because of my mental issues.
Thank you very much,
Rich
Hi Rich, yes it is extremely common for people not to know they are HSP! This interview with 18-year-old Daisy is a prime example of how people can get mis-diagnosed over and over. http://highlysensitiveperson.net/episode57/
I hope you are doing well! Thank you for commenting.
I am 100 percent HSP and my mind often races at 100mph weighing up every minute detail of a single situation.
I have a girlifriend but have been through periods of doubt over my sexuality. I have never watched gay porn, other than to test my anxiety and I overthink everything which is where unnattural thoughts come in.
Unnatuaral thoughts cover things which are taboo i.e violence, sexual thoughts which can include family members and anything else which generally wouldnt or maybe shouldnt be discussed in society. Though, I imagine everyone has them at some point as our consciousness is infinite.
I also have had gay dreams one including my friend, I discussed this with him and other people which is the brave side to my HSP and i felt awful afterwards I put it down to my HOCD (homosexuality obsessive compulsive disorder), i think what i worry about becomes more and more apparent in my consciousness.
Sometimes i feel my brain plays trick on me, or whenever im in a good place ill hear “what about that thing which nobody knows about?”, “you could harm this person right now”, “i best ring such and such they might be dead”.
While I dont expect anybody to be able to identify my sexuality, I do hope that by not wanting to be gay or have a gay relationship does mean that i am straight.
I also hope that im not the only one out there who, as a HSP has experienced sexuality doubts and unnatural thoughts.
Its not all bad though I am a very caring and loyal person and have a high level of emotional intelligence due to all this.
Finally id never intend to act on these unnatural thoughts they just disturb when that they arrive and make me alienate myself sometimes. Im almost addicted in a narcisistic way to make the thoughts present, because they have been part of me for such a long time.
Hi Liam, thanks for your comment. I’m sorry you are suffering. I hope you can speak to a trained professional who can help you with these thoughts. Maybe the key is to not beat yourself up over them?
I remember the comedian Maria Bamford talking about having violent sexual thoughts, including family, etc., and I think it was related to her OCD. Here is an interview where she talks about it: http://www.avclub.com/article/maria-bamford-26836
And here is some info about unwanted thoughts: http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/symptoms/unwanted-thoughts
I urge you to please speak to a mental health professional who can help you through this. Therapy is so helpful!!! Good luck! 🙂
Thanks for posting this article and the podcast Kelly, I enjoy hearing about what other men experience. I’ve only recently identified with the HSP trait at age 45, but it has explained a lot of my odd behavior along the way. Avoiding people, avoiding certain situations, etc. and almost subconsciously or habitually. Like I’ve been trying to shield or protect myself from both moments of hurting and from people knowing.
I also spent 3 years going to therapy, and I now doubt that I really needed to. If only more therapists were aware of the HSP trait. We did some work on coping with anxiety too, which was useful, but didn’t address the source(s) of the anxiety. I just needed to know what was happening to me on an emotional level, and how to live with being a male HSP. So far it seems like that realization was a good starting point. In the last 6-8 months my life has been more stressful, depressing and difficult, but I’m actually doing okay and can work through these issues much better on my own terms as an HSP. I still find myself avoiding triggers that induce tears or depression, but am better at talking myself through them. Thanks for opening the lines of communication about this topic for men.
How do you guys deal with going to the dentist?
Having read your article I feel like the proverbial light bulb shined brightly, that “aha!!!” moment. I’ve always known that I am much more sensitive than my male counterparts. My closest friends have always been female as well. Also, reading through the comments I very easily identified with many things the other guys have said.
Where do all you HS men hang out? I’m only attracted to that type of personality, but can never find any single guys to date. I only meet macho types, which do nothing for me.
Bellingham, WA
Thanks..this whole article resonates with me..
I am a man of truth, compassion and courage.
I would guess most HSP men are home alone avoiding the oblivious, hyperactive, competitive, status-seeking, narrowly focused, no-intuition, no-imagination, over-scheduled, money-grubbing, baboon-like aggression, war-like, fake niceness, image conscious, & left-brain brutality of the mainstream.
Choose your friends wisely indeed! (tip number one) For HSP men: No football fans, basketball fans, baseball fans, blue collar workers, sports bars, rock concerts, street festivals, lawyers, politicians, NASCAR races, MBA’s, biker bars, drug addicts, sales people, etc. Yes to ACoA groups, yoga, spiritual and meditation groups, writers, artists, psychologists, psychic, creative types, maybe certain quieter health clubs, etc. If I sound bitter it’s only because I am. But I try to have a sense of humor about it. ;^)
I’m an hsp man and I hang out in Maryland..lol
I have only met 2 HSP men in my life. I believe they are few and far between.
For me, being in my late 50’s I just discovered that there is a “category” into which I fall into. All my life I have felt lost and alone. But as I dive into the information and articles written about HSP’s one thing stands out the most. Predominately, HSP’s who are trying to offer assistance target our negative aspect, being overwhelmed.
As I see this more and more, I find myself even further frustrated as little focus on our strengths is being promoted. As a man, I feel it’s not low-sensitive people attacking us now, it’s our own kind re-enforcing the misunderstanding of men who need to be understood for what they have to offer.
Like many of those who commented before me, I too have been self-taught to manage my emotions, even bury them so deep they no longer exist. When I see repeatedly that “we are easily overwhelmed” I can not help but think, yeah! because we are constantly being told to believe this. An oxymoron in our own community. So, in our effort to prove that this is not always true, we bury deeper our feelings instead of expressing our talents.
This seems like very helpful advice to many people and I don’t like to criticize being an HSP; however, I feel as though the title should read “Highly Sensitive HETEROSEXUAL Men: successes & struggles”.
Socialization is not the same for gay men in the US, and can be significantly different in other countries, making the experiences of HSP who are gay men uniquely different. A title that implies ALL sexualities of men experience the same challenges for being sensitive is not fully descriptive of the gay male HSP experience. The implication can reinforce stereotypes itself, as well as feelings of “otherness”.
In my opinion, this article explains it well: Being Hypersensitive Gay Man: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/being-a-hypersensitive-ga_b_10956484
Thank you for reading! I appreciate what you do!