I worry that since I’ve been working from home for a while, I will never be able to go back to working 9-5 in an office. I don’t want to go back to an office, but I fear I might have to—for the same reason many Americans who want to pursue self employment do—health insurance.
In my world, money is no longer the #1 motivator for employment. YES: it is important, of course. But it’s not #1. I’ve had enough jobs that made me miserable to know that having a job I don’t hate is more important than how much money I make. Ever since my first panic attack brought on by my hatred of doing phone customer service, I have held this belief.
And I think that nowadays, a lot of people have come to that conclusion. I think there has been a shift, even in my lifetime, to valuing quality of life, freedom, and time spent with family over income earned. We struggle to earn more money to buy more stuff…..why?
Now, people value flexible work schedules, extra vacation time, and the ability to work from home very highly.
I was viewing the awesome animation of Dan Pink’s speech about motivation. It’s a few years old, but I recommend giving it a watch if you haven’t seen it.
According to Pink–and other studies–one of the top three job motivators is autonomy. Autonomy is basically the opposite of having a boss who is a micromanager. It means you are self-directed.
He explained how one Australian company, once a quarter, tells all the employees than they can work on anything they want for a day, as long as they are able to show results.
Upon hearing this, I got excited. I would *LOVE* to work for a company like that! I’ve had so many ideas but didn’t get to pursue them because they weren’t what my boss told me to do. Being able to do what you want (even for one day) makes you feel closer to the company and more useful. I don’t have a problem being managed, but I feel absolutely stifled by bosses who don’t trust me to do my work. The best boss I ever had was the most hands-off–and he probably got more results and was more respected by his employees than anyone else I’ve ever worked for.
Hmmmm. Upon reflection of my past jobs, an interesting pattern emerges.
My first real job remains the best job I ever had–mainly because my boss was hands-off and trusted me to do my job. The company was a nonprofit, so I never had to worry about increasing profits.
My next job was at a software company. One of my bosses was a poor communicator and my role in high-level technical customer service gave me my first anxiety attack.
I moved into a lower-stress role in writing/editing at the same company and took a big pay cut. I remember when the HR person told me how much less the new job would make—I could tell she thought I would balk. But I was ok with the lower pay.
Next, I worked at a local non-profit. I had specifically searched out a job at a non-profit because I think there is less stress than working at a revenue-based company. (Note: this is not true for all non-profits.)
Now, I work at home for myself. However, not everything is perfect. I’m making less money and I never feel like I get enough done. But that is something I have to improve on.
Working for yourself is a great option for introverted Highly Sensitive People. But if you can’t do that, look for a job with values you share. HSPs don’t do well in environments that don’t mesh with their personal beliefs or don’t offer at least some satisfaction beyond a paycheck.
It’s difficult for HSPs to put up with workplaces that conflict with their values, because they hold their values so incredibly dearly and take them seriously. It would wear on them after a while, resulting in stress, anxiety, and unhappiness.
So, for the huge question of what is the best job or career for Highly Sensitive Persons–the answer is complicated, but one piece of the puzzle is finding work that fits with your personal values and beliefs.
What has been the best job you’ve had–and why?
I couldnt have come across this post at a better time. My company was just absorbed by large corporation. I went from working in a tiny satellite office of myself and two other people ….to working in a Corporate office with 200+. Im sitting in a cubicle, working the 8-5 grind. Its miserable. Ive been on my own for 6 years, 2+ years for my last company and 4 before that I was self employed. I absolutely thrive on autonomy. Im struggling now with the impossible decision, do I suck it up and be miserable or give up amazing benefits and a fantastic salary. Its an impossible choice.
I think so many HSPs face this terrible decision. I also thrive on autonomy. Perhaps you could start small and spend some time when you get home from work every day, trying to find a way to work for yourself. Start slow and maybe eventually you can quit the day job. Of course it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Or, you could look for a job at a different company–what about a non-profit?
I just came across this site, and it couldn’t be more spot on. I discovered the HSP through this blog, and I fulfilled 22 of the 25 criteria. Suddenly, my life makes sense. I’m an HSPE/HSS and I’ve been self-employed for 5 years running my own digital marketing consultancy. This was a huge improvement for me because it gave me more control and autonomy after being so stressed out in marketing leadership roles that I needed an MRI for paraphasia and migraines. I had no problem with managing people, in fact, that was my favorite part of the job – mentoring young professionals and teaching them important skills – but dealing with a revolving door of abusive executives with totally unreasonable expectations who would constantly blame me for the company’s revenue issues that were driven by things clearly beyond my control was just too much. For years, basically since I entered the workforce 15 years ago, I’ve felt like “I’m just not strong enough to suck it up.” I’d put my whole self into sucking it up, and I’d hold it together for a while, suppressing all of my emotions, and then I’d snap and quit, because I simply had to escape, usually to the great shock of the bosses who’d abused me for years. Now I understand what’s going on.
Working for myself allowed me to engage only when I was ready on my schedule, and otherwise to revel in the silence of my own house and write fiction, which doesn’t pay enough to be a viable job (3 years ago I published a 7 book fantasy series, and despite selling thousands of books a year and having thousands of pages read on kindle unlimited every month, I’ve only made a few thousand dollars from it, because royalties for writers are so bad. I’m also so terrified of negative reviews that I can’t look at review sites because it’s like someone is going to attack my baby).
I will say, though, reading all of these hundreds of comments with many people feeling like there aren’t any good jobs for them, that many marketing roles with the right environment, boss, and peers can be doable. I had several HSPs reporting to me, and because I was a similar personality type, I understood what made them tick and what made them shut down. Having bosses who understood me helped me get to the level I was at (which was why it was always jarring when they’d leave and I’d be stuck with some new jerk who I couldn’t deal with at all). As a manager, I hired two senior marketing analysts who’d left higher stress jobs. They were both excellent analysts, who could have been working in more senior roles at bigger companies, but the stress was too much for them. One really needed to work from home twice a week – done. No problem. I managed my whole team how I wanted to be managed. I had one check-in meeting per week with my reports with clearly defined projects and objectives and measurement, and then they were able to manage their work entirely on their own. I was there if they wanted to ask me for clarification. I was super careful to prioritize so that no one would feel overwhelmed by the workload, and I was constantly advocating to the old-school CEO that intelligent thought-workers shouldn’t be judged by the amount of time they’re sitting at their desks, but by the quality of their work, and that quality was better than quantity. We did amazing things and got so much done, because I wasn’t micromanaging them, but they had enough structure to do what they were good at on their own terms. Other companies had lost these amazing employees by being jerks. The problem for me as the HSPE middle man was that I then bore the brunt of the rest of the world (IE, the executives, other teams, etc.) being jerks, which created an odd form of compassion fatigue.
Part of me knows that I should try to go back into management so that I can again create a haven for HSPs, and do amazing things that can’t be done without the unique skills and passion HSPs bring to the table, but then that idealistic idea is squelched when I feel the panic attack coming on as I think about dealing with the executives, and forecasting reviews, and interpersonal political BS that innately comes with that role. Soooo… that’s probably why HSPs are so underappreciated. Because we can’t even protect our own. Sorry, world. If you can find an HSP boss in any industry who hasn’t burnt out yet, though, that’s probably the way to go.
Non-profits can be just as crazy and even more demanding. There is never enough money or time at a NP. But it’s worth a shot if you find a good one. Most do not have health insurance and the pay is horrible. I found the politics to be worse than in a for profit. Sorry to be so down on it, but I’ve tried that route thinking it would be good for HSP, but it’s even crazier! I have worked at 3 of them and almost (read did) lose my mind. I am finding myself back in school A LOT. I worked 32 hour week at a game company and then went back for another AA after my undergrad degree. Then I got a master’s degree and now I am back AGAIN doing more certificate work through the community college. I love learning and I don’t mind taking out student loans…so it works for me for now. I am trying to make some money on the side reading tarot, writing, painting, dog sitting etc. My husband works a full time job and absolutely LOVES it…loves it! How can some people LOVE going to the office? I have no idea. But thank got we have good health insurance through him. So one option is to get married LOL. I did’t even want to be married but it’s just how this stupid non HSP world works. I am now studying Human Resources and hope to negotiate a part-time or 3/4 time job while working on building spiritual services (tarot, reiki, writing, channeling, healthy living/herbal support, intuitive reading etc). So that is my plan right now school, loans, then work 1/2 or 3/4 time with a company I can tolerate while building my own business and helping people. I really don’t know what I’d do without my husband’s insurance. Isn’t O-Bama care supposed to be helping people? Why can’t we just be our creative selves, make enough money to live and get some dang health care without selling our soul’s to a corporation? I say DON’T GIVE IN. I will be sending you positive blessings and energy. The only way we are going to stop this cycle of madness is to stand up for ourselves. You will find a way. I really wish you the best luck 🙂
Thank you for your love & care
I’m currently working at a public library. I’m working on my Master’s in Library Science at the moment. At first, it was so exhausting. I got hired part-time on Children’s during the Summer Reading Program. But because we are so busy in the summers, I was basically working full-time. I would come home so exhausted, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could do it-working at the reference desk, getting kids signed up….so much public service. And this was before I came across the hsp research. Luckily, the Children’s cataloger announced her retirement, and my boss recognized my skills with computers, they asked me if I would want to do that. I job shadowed the cataloger that was going to retire, and I loved it! I get to work at a desk in a back office where it’s off limits to the public. My focus is so much better now. I get interrupted sometimes if I have to help cover lunches or breaks, but usually I get to be at my desk working on new books that come in. I know now that if they would have never offered me the cataloger position, I would have quit not long after summer because I was so exhausted from the public. Thankfully my supervisor is hsp and not a micro manager. After my Master’s, I want to go into archives, not public libraries. I’ve known this since I started my Master’s. I’m currently doing an independent study with the curator at one of the archives on campus, and it’s great. I’m processing a manuscript collection. She’s there if I need her, but mostly I am self-directed.
I couldn’t be more grateful for coming across this great article, or the comments shared by you all. I am currently suffering and driving myself mad because I can’t seem to find the best route for my proffisional path. I quite my job in April 14 in a terrible state. I loved my possession as a PR director at a private Academy,but my supervisors were horrible communicators and didn’t value what I had to offer, and constantly overloaded me with work that wasn’t part of my job discription.
I’ve been out of a job for the last 9+ months and while it was great to have some time off, and get to have a family and social life, I am at the point where I’ve had enough and need to work because I miss working, and need a financial income of my own. I feel so unproductive, and my volunteer work isn’t enough anymore. For months I worked on a business plan I was trying to get started, but I had to close the door on that for reasons beyond my means.
I’ve never been out of a job this long in my entire adult life, and as bad as a feel and need a job, as much as I am trying to avoid my previous mistakes of taking a job that doesn’t for me. I never had heard about HSP up until 5 months ago, and you can imagine my reaction reading about it and wanting to scream YES! At least I know I’m not alone and there are ways to help me cop.
I don’t care one bit about having a career anymore, rather just want a job I can be happy with, and preferably part time so I still have time to have a life. I’ve dreamed about having my own business since I was a teenager (I’m 30 now) and I’m motivated more than ever to make that work God willing. My best wishes to all of you.
My therapist sent me this website after explaining for years that I have never felt that I fit in anywhere, I am an extrovert, people tend to like me everywhere I go, but since early childhood I experienced my own pain and those from others, constantly labeled too sensitive, Don Quixote, crusader , but those were not meant to be positive in any way. It was impossible to turn my back soon maltreatment, injustice of any kind. Worked in nonprofits(nightmares beyond belief of how people are treated). Worked in corporate environments and the benefits were the bright part. Diagnosed with three major pain conditions which was a long tedious, shaming process because it was easier to dismiss me after the use of the benefits, all the meds til I could simply not work. I had to stop because of being on the verge of being fired, and I had so many jobs that were not well suited but persistence and denial kept me plugging away even though I knew I needed to be off. I found very little empathy except for my therapist and the vision of my mom with these very same health issues and more.
I had been working on a different career path very slowly because of the fatigue of working , trying to be a good family member, and a good citizen which all came naturally. I educated myself, I locked away my physical and emotional pain away, but I was still so challenged about the pain of othrs close and afar. Stopped watching news, became isolated not by choice in most situations, finished my 2nd degree finally after being out of work for a year. Had to have a Surgery that was a common one, nearly lost my life with 6 consecutive surgeries that followed which exacerbated my pain conditions. It has been four years since I have worked, a loss of important relationships. I am facing /grieving/redefining what it means to be a highly sensitive person,
I am who I am, some inborn traits, some traits shaped by trauma of self, others/world. There are things that I have little or no control over like I can not be a person that others would like me to be because it is more comfortable for them. I have to acknowledge my own truths, and as much as I would love to be validated from others it may happen with a few as well as that could change at any time, or it may not happen at all, inevitably it will need to come from me no matter how hard it is.
I will have to be a little more selfish with regards to being there for so many especially when it appears you are not able to get a turn. Not necessarily that people are horrible, but if it got set up as a pattern that you have been the giver(because it was just natural or who you were) it is difficult for less sensitive people to want that to change even when you bring it to attention.
I have never been a saint, just a person who believed that we should do the best we can, look out for those who are vulnerable, but I never had a conscious thought that I was deserving of those things until it was glaringthat I too needed and was not getting it. I am challenged in seeing where I am in my life(not working, only a couple of relationships that have many limitations- after investment in so many, dealing with severe depression, loneliness), but also recognizing the strengths of being highly sensitive(ability to deal with difficult situations, loyalty to a value system not marred in hyprocrisy, resiliency.
Everyday is not a good day, but having this passed onto me has helped decrease the shame I have felt from the labels that were translated into just being “weak”. I assure you to know my story and that I am standing upright or even being on this earth, there is absolutely NOTHING weak about me,
Many blessings to all the poster and to the person who started this blog, the resources etc. It renews my faith that we all have a place here, regardless of whether we have figured it out. Every person has inherent worth and should be treated with dignity
Good luck to all on your journeys,
GG, thank you for your beautiful outpouring of your soul! You must be a writer…if not, you should write! I feel so much honesty coming from you. Thank you for sharing your story and for your comment! (and thank your therapist for sending you here!! 🙂 )
I too am super grateful to come across this website and the comments. Especially the posts relating to work which is a major major issue for me. I’m 36 and have never been in a job longer than a 14 months. For the last 2 years I’ve only been lasting 6 months and for the last year I’ve had 5 different jobs. I’m a HSP and work in marketing and communications – a job that constantly challenges me..in all the wrong ways! I’ve tried to change careers a few times but always end up back in my field. The office environment makes me physically sick. Air conditioning, sitting in a pod with 4 other people who talk loudly all day, people munching on RAW carrots and celery (kill me now!) but worst of all I’m In a field that requires me to constantly assert myself, set boundaries, prove myself, explain what I do, have people critique my work and deal with lots of personality types.
I feel like there is no way out..I need to start all over again but don’t know how. after 15 years of doing this it’s hard to find somewhere/someone willing to give me an opportunity in a new field. And what field do I even try for???! I’m not afraid of hard work and I am quiet and studious and methodical in my approach to work. I dream of working for myself but fear the unstable income would be too stressful for me. I’m almost ready to take a leap tho!
Hi Karen, I feel like I can see myself in what you said. You aren’t alone! I get fed up with jobs and yearn for something else. I wonder if this would help?? http://highlysensitiveperson.net/episode50/
Your story about your work is exactly mine. I work with people that brown nose all day long always trying to sabotage others to look good for management. It is tiring and stressful. My manager is disrespectful and rude at times which gives the people I work with permission to act the same towards me. I am going to retire sooner than I had planned. Thanks for sharing your story.
Seriously! This is something I had to explain to people that I don’t just go to work for how big the paycheck is. I would feel that the dream of doing meaningful work was something childish and lofty, but knowing that there are others who want to do more than just collect a paycheck. As I write this I am waiting to end this temp job of Help Desk and move on to a project-based job that is about energy efficiency.
Kelly,
Just want to say a simple, sincere and heartfelt “THANK-YOU” for your blog!! Very grateful!
wow, you’re welcome! how sweet 🙂
Hi! I read a lot in your Blog, thinking through all the things you mentioned. I guess you’re right that a job is more than a paycheck and that it’s very important to choose a job you can identify with. I, too, wanted a job that helps paying for my living expenses. Back then I thought that helping people was the right choice for me, as in medical care. Yet, soon after I finished school, I found that I couldn’t work with humans directly and started working as a lab technician. At the beginning it was the ultimate occupation: working for the greater good without having to deal with patients directly, lots of things to think through to keep my mind busy, the option to work alone or with colleagues. And yet I returned home time and time again completely drained. It’s only now that I realised how much the noise of the machines were exhausting me, pushing the stress-level up without me knowing it. Add a litte additional stress, a few insecurities about my inability to cope and I was off to my first rehavilitation for burnout-syndrome. A year passed in which I still tried to make it happen, too afraid to let go of my illusion that this job was my perfect solution to work for humanity without having to deal with people. Insecurities kept me working until now, an inch short of my second burnout. This time though I already know what this is about and I finally found the courage to change things. I quit my job and decided to start working in an office. I’m well aware you don’t think it’s well suited for a hsp and I guess I agree – I have some concern about starting this job but I’ll try to see it as another opportunity to learn how to cope being hyper-sensible. I think I’ll still try despite the odds; 8-5 and less autonomy is exactly what I need right now after working 50 hours per week in a leading position without ever knowing when I’ll be able to leave work. What I’m trying to say is, sometimes a job is just what is and what it needs to be: something that pays the bills. 🙂 that way there’s still enough energy left to do the things you really wanna do. You’re right though, your job has to be something you’re able to live with. I think it is very important that the environment/conditions are right. I found that for me the “what” isn’t quite as important anymore as the “how”. Hopefully my english wasn’t all too bad. Thank you for your Blog that never ceases to give me new food for thought.