Are there pranks you don’t find funny? Are you offended by jokes that other people aren’t offended by?
It’s frequently debated in pop culture whether certain controversial topics are ok to joke about. Rape, pedophilia, and racial violence are frequently among these cringe-y topics. Is it ok to make jokes about rape? Isn’t comedy about pushing boundaries? How much time must pass after a terrible incident before people can joke about it? It’s all just words, isn’t it?
But everyone has different boundaries. And we HSPs are sensitive to the feelings of others, so, likewise, we are more aware of “jokes” that can hurt people.
Here are the types of jokes I don’t like:
- Jokes about people who died in a tragic way
- Pranks that cause people to feel seriously terrified/horrified until they realize it wasn’t real
- And sometimes, jokes about mental health and suicide
There was a video going around a while back where a husband pretended to drop his baby from a stairway inside his house. It was a prank on his wife who didn’t know it was a trick. I hate that shit. How is causing someone terror funny?
The other day I saw a video where an experienced racecar/stunt driver took driving lessons and pretended to not know how to drive. The instructor was in the passenger seat during the driving lesson. After a few minutes of driving slowly and poorly, the driver took off and starting driving crazy circles at top speed around a parking lot. One of the instructors screamed and covered her face the whole time. How is this funny? These instructors were fearing THAT THEY MIGHT DIE. Not funny.
If someone played one of those tricks on me, it would take me a long time to recover. The amount of adrenaline and cortisol running through my body would wreck me for hours–the stress response would wear me out. It is cruel to do that to someone.
I also don’t find it funny to make jokes about people who died in tragic, sad ways. That person who died is someone’s parent, sibling, friend, or child. How would you feel if someone made jokes about the death of your loved one?
That said, there seems to be a time limit for death jokes. After an arbitrary amount of time, it becomes acceptable to joke about someone’s death. It sounds messed up, I know…but that’s where the whole “Too soon!” meme came from, you know? There are a lot of caveats to this humor stuff. But I digress…
Often, HSPs are told to “learn to take a joke”. I’ve heard some HSPs say they are described as “too serious”. When I was a kid, I remember my Dad telling me sometimes, “Lighten up!” That made me so angry. Don’t tell me how to react to things.
If you are one of the people who is easily offended sensitive to hurtful comedy, then that’s ok.
You don’t have to “lighten up” or “get a sense of humor”. You are allowed to react however is natural for you. (I crossed out the words easily offended because that is a judgment that means your reaction is wrong.)
I think for HSPs, the bottom line is this: It’s more important to not hurt someone than to be funny.
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Hi Kelly, thanks for the program .
For approx. 2 years ago i heard of HSP’s and immediately understood why I always
couldn’t figure out why other people took it so easy about many things especially smells/odors as you mentioned in your latest programme and also noises.
i do a lot of biking on my bicycle cause it makes me relax but when i realize someone smoking ahead I get annoyed – I can smell the smoke from around 100m away! – annoyed because it was supposed to make me relaxed and it spoils a lot of the tour – i usually slow down the biking to take less air in until i have passed the smoking person.
I often get angry with the world from not understanding my ‘serene’ way of seeing/wanting the world.
Besides my HSP I also suffer from myoclonic disease if you can call it a disease but combined with HSP it can be pretty irritating I promise you 🙂
At my age – past 42 this year – I often smiles with a kind of lost smile at stuff i hear in the news or read about. For example when i hear there is micro plastic in all our food and beverages – I have this lost smile/attitude because i feel I kind of tried to argument that we have a problem with this or that and most of the time people just said or thought: Lars you are making to much noise, shut up!
..and then I think to myself ‘I told you so’.
Well Kelly just some thoughts and how i feel being HSP.
Thanks again for a good podcast.
Lars Pedersen, Denmark
Thank you for sharing, Lars. I can see myself in some of the comments you made. 🙂 When you mentioned bicycling it reminded me of how much I love riding my bike…I need to do it again (mine was stolen 2 years ago and I never got a new one.)
.. do get a bike Kelly the feeling of freedom is great especially with a MTB where U can explore every small track in nature 🙂
I often bike alone to get away from other people not because I dont like them but I just get enough of them some times I even see to get away to a small house in the woods I have in Sweden to be myself for some weeks , biking fishing cutting wood and so on just being alone enjoying nature where I boost myself to endure.
HSP can be difficult to handle sometimes 🙂
Lars
Yes! Thank you for writing on this topic. I would include sarcasm in the mix of unpleasant humor…so often loaded with passive-aggression rather than honesty. Here’s to kindness and speaking from the heart!
Thanks Arbor–you know, sarcasm occurred to me after I wrote this post and the corresponding podcast. I should have included it for sure.
This is a tough one. On one hand, I tend to agree with the late George Carlin, who said that words are inert in and of themselves. Rather, it is the context (intent) in how they are used that ultimately makes them good or bad. An example he cited is that a word itself cannot be racist….only the person using it with racist intent. I can see his point. It’s like saying that beer makes people drunk. In fact, a bottle of beer is a lifeless object that has no power to affect anyone in and of itself. It is only through a the intent of the person who decides to drink that bottle of beer that drunkeness can eventually result.
When somebody says something I see as offensive, disrespectful or hateful, I tend to be much more interested in WHY they said it than the mere fact that they said it. For instance, to understand some of the racial and ethnic epithets I heard as a kid from some who were from, shall we say, “older generations” I researched the times they were raised in and what societal attitudes were in their era. That doesn’t mean I excuse their use of racial or ethnic slurs, but I do have a better understanding of where those attitudes came from and a greater appreciation of how far we as a society have progressed from the days when such epithets were considered the norm.
A free society is a double-edged sword. The upside is that anyone is free to speak their mind. The downside is that anyone is free to speak their mind. The variable is that everyone says different things, and everyone reacts differently to them. What I may think is funny, someone else may think is disgusting, and vice-versa. In those situations, it’s probably best be sensitive about who you’re talking with, taking their values into account (in other words, I would probably think twice before blurting “G*d D***it!” in front of a Baptist minister). Granted, we can’t protect everyone from being offended, nor should we feel bad when they occasionally are (especially if that was not our intent), but common sense should just be….more common.
Actually, I don’t think a “joke” about death by bubonic plague is funny! I wouldn’t be upset about it in the way I get upset when people joke about 9/11; I was living in New York City on 9/11, so it’s more personal and immediate for me. But I just don’t find pain and suffering funny in any context. I also hate slapstick “humor” that involves people hurting themselves or others.
Thanks for standing up for our right not to laugh at things that we don’t find funny!
i dislike the 3 types of jokes you mentioned as well. Violent, racist jokes or jokes about abuse of any kind make me extremely angry. I think that HSPs in general are sensitive to injustice. I know I am. Making fun of anyone’s disability is not funny either. My rule of thumb is if it is hurtful, it’s not a joke. Jokes are humerous, not hurtful.
For a long time I struggled with offensive humour because I’ve always been taught that it’s disrespectful. I think there are arguments for and against and I can understand that for some people it’s a catharsis. However, while I can accept that they have an outlet for that sort of thing it bothers me that they can’t respect that not everyone shares that same sense of humour. I find it grates having to be subjected to too many jokes that I don’t find very funny.
Is this actually for real ok jokes about dead people can go to far depending on the time but seriously with the race car driver things me baby thing, THEY ARE JOKES! Grow up. Seriously you should focus on not upsetting anyone more than bowing funny. ALL COMEDY IS BASED OFF OF OFFENDING SOMEONE. Funny faces are probably gonna offend someone if they have some kind of handicap for an example. You guys need to seriously grow up
Thank you for this. I often find pranks to be very sad. I always feel so bad for the person being pranked and can’t wait for the joke to be over. A few years ago I was at a small dinner gathering and a friend of mine made a rape joke. At first I tried to brush it off and laugh, but the joke kept going and I started to debate with them about the joke not being OK. There was another woman there that said, “Why is this upsetting you so much?” And, for some reason, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I erupted with anger and lashed out. All I could think about was two of my friends who had been raped and how could a fellow woman not understand why a joke wouldn’t be funny. Then I started shaking because confrontation makes me extremely uneasy and it’s unlike me. I basically ruined the dinner and went home and cried. It was terrible.
I don’t mind jokes that are meant as stress relief, but I wonder how much of this is culturally based? If we lived in a more carefree and happier culture where violence and intolerance was not tolerated, jokes would conform to that. I think out love of these jokes is a sign of our culture, and maybe not so much the person, though, if more were HSPs, these jokes wouldn’t be made of such grim and dark material.
Some people find my views of such horrendous events like WWII disturbing, but I’m not making jokes about it. I’m simply viewing it in a much more “lighthearted” way so that I can comprehend and understand it.
If I make a joke about something controversial, I ALWAYS make sure to tell the person that I don’t really mean what i’m saying.