This is one of those weird things that’s a little hard to admit, and I’m not sure if other people feel this way….and it’s whiny. Well, here goes.
If I have one thing to do in a day, it weighs on me all day long. Even if it’s something enjoyable.
There will be a kernel of anxiety in my brain all day, until the event happens.
For example, the other day I had a Pilates class at 6:30pm. I was looking forward to it.
But, for some reason, everything I did the rest of the day revolved that class…in my head, anyway.
I remember thinking at 1pm: “I have 5 hours until the class.” Even though 5 hours is a long time, and plenty of time in which to get things done, it’s almost like I felt I couldn’t really get anything done until the class was over and out of the way.
Until that event or engagement takes place, I can’t truly engage in anything else.
The worst is airplane flights. If I have a flight early in the morning, I will barely sleep all night. And if I do doze off, I’ll dream about missing the flight.
And if I have a flight in the evening, I will feel seriously anxious all day, until I get to the airport.
On days where I have multiple engagements? Say, brunch with friends and then a birthday party at night? I won’t be able to do a thing all day and will feel like I just have too much going on.
I’m sure anyone with kids is reading this and thinking, “stfu!” because what I’m complaining about it so minor. I am fortunate to have been able to structure my life so it is not as stressful as it used to be (at least for now) but I know others are not able to do that. (Getting out of the cubicle helped.)
So I know, I know…I’m whining about something unimportant.
But the reason I bring this up is because I want to know if anyone else feels this way. Does having plans in the middle of the day make you feel anxious all day? Do you have a hard time really focusing and engaging in other work until the event takes place?
photo credit: wenzday01 via photopin cc
I can so relate to this. Also, if it is a “task” that needs doing, sometimes I have to purposely not focus on it or talk about it, and (I know it sounds strange) I kind of have to sneak up on myself and just do it without thinking about it or talking about it….. or it can seem so huge and overwhelm me and I won’t do it at all. But, at least I’ve come to realize this and have a new strategy….instead of the old failed one of:
1. Telling myself, “You are going to get this done today.” (Laying down the law, so to speak.)
2. Getting overwhelmed and probably purposely distracted and not getting it done.
3. Feeling like a failure and engaging in negative self-talk…and it is still not done.
Now, I’m learning to just not talk about it, not focus on it very much and kind of sneakily get it done. Then I feel great. And if I don’t get it done today, I’m still more likely to do it tomorrow. And I’m not mad at myself.
Exhausting, I know. But it works most of the time.
Blessings
This is me to a T.
I am a cleaner and start work late in the afternoon.
My whole day is spent anticipating work time and I cannot focus on anything else properly.
It also flows this way if I have an appointment, or maybe someone dropping by for a visit, etc etc
Has had me feeling a bit nuts and lazy, I am glad to find Im not the only one.
Thank You
Wow I’ve always wondered why I was like this is a hard one for me! I’ve just started to tell people that I don’t make plans I just do a spur of the moment spontaneous go with the flow type stuff. If I have an important meeting phone call anything that I know that Hass to be done that’s very important or not even important at all it just something silly to be stressed over and will get depressed completely depressed and I cannot stop thinking about what I have to do the following morning or day or whatever like it literally gives me a nervous stomach sometimes I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about it too much I would really love to know how to overcome this I would like to be able to be somewhat of whatever normal is if that makes sense. My life has little to no structure or routine which I don’t like but again that’s kind of like planning I just don’t know where to start with myself .I have children So that Makes it a little bit harder because I’m like the worlds biggest procrastinator all of my children are pretty much grown except for one not quite grown but in high school And I just wish that I could turn back the hands of time because I feel like I failed them so much with Being and so Inconsistent and all over the place and kids need structure my youngest is four I’m just trying to do better so I don’t feel her to
Oh, thank goodness. I thought this was so weird about me. I feel “busy” when I have hardly anything going on, by comparison to others–and it’s because I am focusing so hard on that one occurrence I might have in a day. It’s so distracting that I just can’t focus on other activities as well as I would like, so sometimes I’m a bit paralyzed and feel less productive compared to other people. I haven’t really come up with a strategy other than the awareness that I’m doing it–and sometimes that sort of helps shake me loose.
I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS! I feel exactly the same way. I’m just starting to discover that I am highly sensitive and I feel like all the pieces are starting to fall into place. I’ve always been so down on myself for issues like this one, it’s amazing to read I’m not alone.
Hi Jessica, thanks for your comment! I’m so glad that this resonated with you.
I very much feel the ways you describe in your post! Like others who previously commented, and you, too, I really thought other people wouldn’t get/couldn’t understand. It’s so nice to know others do!
I just looked this very thing up and happened upon this blog and thread. I am glad it isn’t just me. I have plans tonight so haven’t done anything else today. Even though there was time. It isn’t about the time. Its the constant thought that I have to do something so all my focus is on that, and that alone. Its really weird because I am a busy person. It means I don’t ever truly relax. I can only relax if I am doing nothing but then I feel guilty because I haven’t done anything! Gah
This is an old article but is me to a tea. Of course this quirk is just another sensitive person issue! Everything about me points to HSP. And it’s taken me 63 years to figure this out. So relieved I am not alone.
I can SO realte. Not happy, but it feels better when you know you’re not alone. Sigh.
I never knew other people had this problem, I thought it was just another weird thing about me. The more I learn about being highly sensitive, the more I realize I should be the poster-child for it.
So, last week I had a doctor’s appointment at 2:45pm and it seemed like I didn’t get anything done the entire morning. A friend asked me if I wanted to have lunch with her and I said I couldn’t because of my doctor’s appointment. Whaaat? I mean seriously, I couldn’t have lunch from like, 12-1 with someone? Or even 2? I was mad at myself afterwards for not accepting the invitation and even more upset that a doctor’s appointment (which took all of 15 minutes) ended up ruining my entire day. That was the negative self-talk totally taking over…again.
But I find events like this are more and more common – whether it’s yoga class or a scheduled appointment, I tend to focus on it and I do the only 3 hours until yoga (when yoga is at 6pm).
I will try some of the suggestions outlined above.
I totally hear you!! I do the same thing!! Glad you could relate. 🙂
this is so funny , i could have written it. i have had job interviews recently and the prospect of the next one will intrude on something nice like a lunch out like one of the dementors in harry potter. thanks for writing it..
What a relief to read this! I’m just learning about being an HSP and I can’t believe how spot on this is! I was recently part of a slow-pitch softball team, just for “fun” you know, and every time I had a game I would dread it all day… Which is strange given that I genuinely really enjoy playing softball.
Thanks for posting!
This is so me. Wasting sleep time, them mad at myself because I’ve wasted precious sleep time, then being exhausted when it comes time for the appointment ! Good grief ! Wish I could control this !
Totally feel this way. Glad I’m not the only one.
By the way, it isn’t minor like you say. Instead, we feel anxiety about this the way that others feel about important interviews. But we don’t criticize others for feeling anxiety over important interviews. Don’t criticize yourself for this.
Thanks for talking about this. I know I’m giving advice above as though I’ve mastered this. But I think that it’s really me giving advice to myself after seeing my sensitivity through the lens you created in this article…if that made any sense at all. 🙂
I juat realized why I hated doing stand up comedy. I did it for a bit mostly locally But I hated doing it. But crazy thing is when I gor off stage no matter how good or bad I did I loved it. But every time I got on a show. I dreaded it . I would cancell a show a day a head of time and feel better. It was b ou t the comedy but the planning i hated. Honestly I always hated plans. And now I know it effected my comedy.
I do this too. I kind of dwell on an event and give it more precedence in my day than it really needs or deserves. In fact I put so much emphasis on the event sometimes that I don’t feel like I have time for anything else. If I have a haircut at 2pm that’s it, nothing else can be squeezed into my day, I’m too busy. On the other hand if there are no appointment times and I can go through me day at my own pace and do what I need to do I get tons done. What in the heck?!
Exactly!!!!
Oh.. I feel same exactly.
I thought I was the only one who struggled with this, I am so relieved to know I’m not alone.
I totally get this. With plans comes a sense of being tied to a fixed event, both physically at the time the event happens, and even mentally distracted by it before it happens. and this takes away the ability to be spontaneous and focussed on anything else. It happens mostly with negative events that you fear or dread, but even with positive enjoyable exciting ones, too.
It’s like a black hole, that slowly sucks away the edges of your focus beforehand, gradually getting stronger until you’re fully engulfed in the physical moment the event happens.
However, sometimes the opposite happens too. If you have a completely open schedule and never have any plans, you may start to feel empty and like your life is inane and lacks meaning.
I think balance is the key. But it’s always best to remember that balance is subjective to each person, and not an immovable fixed one size fits all medium that is tailored to every persons needs. I quite often find that one size fits/fixes all ideologies do more damage to mental health as they assume the pretence of being expectant for every single individual.
Today is my first time ever reading or hearing anything about HSP and I can totally relate to everything I’ve read and heard so far. I’m even on the verge of tears reading this blog post! Why, because I’m highly sensitive of course! Funny thing is, I didn’t need to read about it or hear about it to know that I was HS. I’ve been trying to explain this to my friends and family for years. I knew the panic attacks and depression were rooted in something far more deeper than childhood trauma. I knew there was a reason why I find it almost impossible to sleep when I have something important pending the next day. The earlier the appointment or event the more anxiety I’m likely to have and the less sleep I’m likely to get. If I can help it, I schedule all appointments for late afternoon for myself and my daughter. I’ll even give myself permission to miss something or reschedule if the anxiety gets to be too overwhelming. For the past 10-15 years I’ve done very well managing the fact that I’m HS but last year took a toll on me. One of my daughter’s went through radiation and surgery as a result of a very rare form of cancer. This happened in February and in October she married the love of her live and relocated to another State. On top of that there were other life changing events such as, another daughter giving birth to her first child, No biggie right! Except for the fact that after raising my 4 children I became a caregiver again when she returned to work. So, after many, many years of managing the HS and being off of medication, I find myself at the tender age of 50+ seeking out resources again. Only this time, I don’t feel so alone! I’m so grateful for blogs such as yours! Thank you!
So great to know I am not alone about this issue!
So difficult to express this to myself out loud, let alone share with others. Needless to say, reading the words on this page, and the responses affirming the same feelings by others = priceless. Thanks for the post.
Thank you for sharing Meg, I’m so glad it was beneficial to you. 🙂
Ditto. What a gift. On a whim because I’m feeling anxious about having to run errands later….I searched “why am I anxious when I have appointments on my calendar?” I thought that was so “out there” I wouldn’t find a response. And I’m not alone!!! Thank you.
I’m right there with you guys. a worse problem I have is that I’m almost always late, about a half hour to 2hrs depending on how important it is. it doesn’t matter if it’s at 9am or 7pm, the closer it gets to what I have scheduled, the more I freak outand anxanxiety kicks in to the max. I also will cancel if I get too overwhelmed, and then hate myself all day. I don’t know if it’s social anxiety or hsp or both. it’s been a big problem for me and still looking for ways to fix this problem. it definitely helps finding this community and feeling no so alone. anyway have this problem? luckily I have a nice boss that has been flexible with my schedule. I still have almost been fired 4 times in 4 years because my coworkers don’t understand and say it’s unfair. sorry for the unloading!
Oh my gosh, I am always late, too!! I don’t understand why–since I am anxious about an appointment all day, you’d think I’d be ready on time! For some reason, I’m always late and always rushing. I hate that about myself! It seems like it would be an easy thing to fix, right?! It’s awesome that your boss is flexible! How did you explain it to them?
I tried explaining it once, but she didn’t understand, she thought I meant “sensitive” so I just kinda dropped it and apologized for being late and try like heck to get there on time. I’ve gotten better, but its a 15 yr battle. luckily I am good at my job and she seesthe qualiquality of my work. she also runs late alot, but not as bad as me. YES no matter how early I start gettin ready, I still end up rushing! its hard to deal with. I think it’s just because I’m not looking forward to the overwhelming world outside my comfort zone.
Yes! I definitely have this problem, and I have since birth. To make matters worse, I tend to over-commit my time, because I have a hard time turning down requests. I have had some periods in my life during which I recognized this and conscientiously set the following goals: Every day for the next week I will a) put everything in my schedule and b) be early by 15 minutes. Every evening for that week I would check off whether or not I achieved these goals for that particular day. It gave me a sense of satisfaction if I achieved the goal, and also gradually built a positive habit through repetitive positive reinforcement for a lesson which had previously been limited to sporadic negative reinforcement – the agony of being late, inexplicably, by my own fault. 🙂 hope this helps!
Yeah. I have often cancelled plans that im anxious about, and then really regretted it afterwards. Like i wasted good opportunities.
I’ve also cancelled plans, then changed my mind and had some of the most enjoyable times. Though this isnt guaranteed, its an eye opener – like a second chance to see what you gained or wouldve missed out on had you not been brave enough to go for it!
OMG I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS BLOG TOO I feel the exact same way, focusing SO MUCH on a certain event/appointment thats planned & having a hard time balancing other things that need to be done… its really annoying & hard to explain to people involved:-/ I sometimes just end up canceling appointments & stuff that is FUN & that I enjoy cause I feel like everything involved with it is a hassle ha & its just easier on my brain to stay home:-(
Wow, that’s me exactly!!!! It’s like whatever I have scheduled is a dead weight around my neck, even if I want to do it. I’ve never heard anyone else talk about it before. Thank you so much 🙂
I’m glad this post helped you!! It resonates with more people than I expected–I guess it just something we never say out loud!
I smiled while reading this because I sooo related. When I worked the evening shift, I had anxiety all day and felt like I couldn’t do anything because I had to be ready to go to work…. I definitely have this when I have anything going on though — even if I know that I’m going to go for a run at some point during the day, I have anxiety until I go!
All y’all have written the contents of my head. My word, if I could just harness the energy I spend over-thinking and rethinking. One event in a day has created unreasonable exhaustion for me…..UGH! Thank you for sharing. The relief in knowing I am not “dwelling” alone feels like a warm hug and a welcome home.
I totally hear you!! I wish I could take that energy I waste on worrying and put it towards something useful, too! So glad you found the post useful! 🙂
I just discovered your podcast and blog today, and this was the first podcast I downloaded and listened to. This describes me so perfectly! Yes, one thing to do in the day, and it’s all my day is about. I feel like I’ve had a full busy day, and then stop and realize I did one thing. That’s not a busy day. And then I feel so ridiculous for thinking I was so busy. After listening to your podcast and reading the comments here, I realize that the reason I feel like I’ve had such a full and busy day is because it isn’t just about the actual appointment, but all the time I spent thinking about it beforehand. I absolutely feel like my entire day revolves around whatever it is that I have to do, and it can be very hard to make myself get focused on anything else until the “main event” is over. Even things I don’t necessarily have to do myself will weigh on me. Just recently my son started cub scouts and he’s had meetings and events relating to that every week for the last month. Now, my husband has been the one to take him to these meetings, but I still feel it weighing down on me. I have to think about it all day, so I remember to get him fed dinner early, make sure he gets his homework done early, and then be ready to take him just in case hubby doesn’t get home from work on time. I was just complaining over the weekend about how I really need a break from all of this cub scout stuff, and then thought to myself, why am I the one who needs the break? I haven’t even been taking him to the meetings and other events. It’s just constantly on my mind, which makes it feel like a commitment.
I honestly thought I was the only one who did this!!! I’ve never told a soul I do this in fear I’d be told I was crazy or being stupid.
SO glad its not just me!!!
I do this all the time. If I have to meet someone that day, I play out the entire meeting in my mind multiple times until the actual event happens..can’t concentrate on anything that day..
I think about all the negative and positive things that could happen in the meeting and dissect it way ahead of time.
Listening to this episode of the podcast was the first time I’ve ever heard anyone describe this phenomenon. And now to read everyone’s comments! As everybody is saying, it’s good to know I have company.
It’s like I’ve found my people with this website!
This blog utterly describes me completely as well. I attend Toastmasters and while I enjoy it, I am sick the entire day and all morning before the meeting. I was thinking of quitting before my commitment was up, but knowing I’m not crazy really helps.
Thank you. 😀
Hi Lacy! I used to be in Toastmasters, too! I try to remind myself how happy/better I’d feel after the meeting, and that helped me go. I also would prepare and practice my speeches a TON. But table topics–I was terrible at those!! There were definitely times I stood up and actually said, “Ummm….yeah. Sorry… I can’t think of anything.” and sat down. Super embarrassing, but I had to steel my nerves and remind myself that other people did the same thing. Don’t give up! Hopefully your TM group is super supportive (mine was) and you can get something out of it. 🙂
So great to read. I’v achieved nothing all day in the knowledge that I have to pick my son up at half 5. I could go to Yoga this evening, but have decided that I dont have time even though I blatantly do! I was meant to do so much today, but have failed and now Im browsing this site. I tend to start getting ready for my ‘events’ too late (despite clockwatching all day) so I too end up rushing to get to them causing undue stress and anxiety. Nice to know I’m not alone, but it doesnt seem right either?
Yes, it’s nice to know we aren’t alone, but of course this behavior isn’t great! I feel like I waste so much time being this way. But being aware of it helps, and may help you to get better at NOT doing it, you know what I mean??
I am so in shock with each blog you post about HSP. I just ran across it yesterday. Never was aware it existed. I could also be a poster child of this
.
If I have something planned for the middle of the day I am pretty much frozen until that time arrives. A few years back I worked night shift and it was HORRIBLE! Thankfully, the company allowed me to move to first shift. I HAVE to group everything I need to do together in one time frame and make it as early as possible. For example, I’ll work till 4pm and have my doctor appt set for 4:15 so I can just go straight there from work. On weekends I get up like I’m going to work, have my list ready (have to have a list) of everything I need to do and attack it all at one time. I set a stop time and I am a failure if I haven’t completed my list by the time I set.
I am mostly not capable of doing anything unexpected. If someone texts (I don’t answer unexpected phone calls) wanting to do anything spur of the moment, my anxiety becomes so intense it immobilizes me because I haven’t had time to analyze every single possible thing that MIGHT happen. I can even become annoyed that they weren’t thoughtful enough to plan ahead. Do they just wander through life without a schedule or plan? How is that possible?
Any person that comes to my home unannounced is not invited in. I will speak to them shortly on the doorstep and kindly suggest we make a lunch date to continue the discussion because I’d love to talk about it more but have a lot of things to do right now.
I time-manage and obsess about EVERY SINGLE MOMENT of my life and I feel insane sometimes because of it. I think slow because I have to take every single angle into consideration, making conversation difficult. Will what I say hurt that persons feelings, make them mad? Will they even understand what I’m talking about? Is the subject too deep for that person? For example, at work today someone stopped by and said they were wanting to have an intelligent conversation with me. I was SO EXCITED! So, since that person couldn’t think of anything to discuss I started talking about the energy efficient CFL bulbs we are being forced to use now. It was deep. What they’re made of, how they’re supposed to be disposed of, the dangers they present. That person made an excuse and walked away! What did I do wrong?? He did say he wanted an intelligent conversation, right? Did I go to far, to deep? Did he mean a different kind of intelligent? Was he just joking to begin with about having an intelligent conversation? It’s situations like this that keep me so quiet. I feel like no one is interested in anything I have to say. 🙁 I just sit and listen, it’s about the only thing I’m good at when I’m around other people.
I will say that my employer is crazy about me because he never has to babysit me, and my time-management skills are a great asset to the job I perform. I just wish I was more than a good worker. I sometimes feel if I was a more simple thinker I would be able to be more of a benefit to society than just working. See, here I go again….OVER THINKING!!!
Karen,
This sounds like one of my journal entries! We had a small group that met at our house every other weekend on Sunday at 6:00. Starting Friday, if it was the weekend to meet, I’d be counting down hours until it was over. And when something that is scheduled is over, I’m elated…not necessarily because it was an over-the-top joy, but simply because it was done.
A question for other HSP’s …do you “mentally require” a start and end time of something in order to commit? With the example of that small group, 6:00-8:00 was how I trained my mind. 8:15 would come and if there wasn’t body language indicators that we’d soon be finished, I’d get up and start cleaning dishes/wiping counters/saying how tired I was just so that the planned event would end.
I purposely keep a flip phone so I can show people what I use to make calls. My logic is that if they perceive me as outdated, they’ll use email, snail mail, or a lunch to communicate (as long as the lunch has a 1-1 1/2 hour max start and end time! ha ha)
Christina
Hi Christina. I love having an “end time” to an event. It gives me something to aim for, something to look forward to. That is a clever trick with the flip phone!
I shrieked with laughter when I read this, because I saw it just as I was sitting down to write a text message to clarify my evening plans with a friend, thinking: ‘I have 5 more hours,’ and wondering if this anxiety is related to HSP. Yes. As long as I have one thing to do all day, it is as if I am blocked in or constricted. Hahaha. I just discovered the concept of HSP last night, and I have been giddy to the point of tears and reading everything I come across, thinking: this is me. I am not alone. I’m not weird or lazy or selfish or careless or irrational. I’m highly sensitive, and I have peers!
Haha, awesome, Elizabeth! I feel your excitement coming through the screen! That’s how I felt when I learned about HSP, too! 🙂
I truly didn’t understand why I have felt like this for so long. I have canceled many outings due to this. I knew it had to be more than anxiety. Thanks.
I have canceled so many plans because I just can’t bear the thought of going. I’d rather stay home and watch a movie or read a book. My favorite thing is when I invite people over to my house I’m so happy when they cancel. I’ve been like this my whole life. It’s good to know I’m not alone and not crazy.
I always felt like this! I’m a therapist and always identified with HSP (and I’m an INFJ) but was shocked to discover this is how autism often looks in females. I’m now a specialist in neurodiversity and 99% of my HSP clients actually go on to receive ND diagnosis. I really respect the work Elaine Aron did but she seems to know very little about female autism presentation. When challenged on it she explained it was different because her grandson is autistic and could stare at a wheel for hours (how stereotypical and outdated!!). The agony of being stuck in waiting mode is often hyper-fixation, impending anxiety, psychologically preparing for social interactions, stepping outside of routine, discomfort in transitional change, and stress over a new sensory environment. I just think it’s so important to broaden the conversation – I wish someone had told me HSP and ASD in women looks identical. I’d have saved myself 42years of undiagnosed stress!! Take care everyone, Steph x
Yup, I’m the same way. If I have to have something scheduled, I’d much rather it be first thing in the morning so I don’t have to spend all day with it weighing on me!
I absolutely share your experience and observations. I think for me, it is because anticipation creates anxiety. It doesn’t matter if it is a positive or negative event I’m anticipating. I used to tell people that my To Do list was a tool with which I would hit myself over the head all day, but get nothing done. The lists would be long because I’m detail-oriented. I would have difficulty making them because it meant admitting I was getting overwhelmed, then forcing myself to regurgitate on paper all of the little tasks that were bothering me. Then once I had everything written down I’d get performance anxiety, even when a task was minor, no one was watching me, or the outcome didn’t matter. My lists often had more than a hundred items to do, and I was always worried about things being left undone. Consequently I’ve had to develop a strategy to deal with being overwhelmed. 1 — I separate my “ambitions” from my tasks on the lists. It can be hard to admit some things don’t have to be done, but that I’d like to do them. I reward myself by working on an ambition after I’ve accomplished the most important time sensitive tasks for the day. 2 — If a task doesn’t have a finite deadline, I’ll make a mental note to not work on it unless it is in my spare time. 3 — When starting out my day, I write three or four tasks for the day on a piece of paper, cross them off as I do them, and congratulate myself when they’re accomplished. But all of this is only for my professional life, I can’t do the same at home. I’m perpetually overwhelmed at home. I’m married with two kids, and live and work overseas at the moment. (I’m a strong HSP/HSS.) I don’t know how they put up with my anxiety at times, but I know I make up for it with compassion, sensitivity, and care.
Hi Laura, thanks so much for sharing your strategy for handling to-do lists! I especially like this part: “I reward myself by working on an ambition after I’ve accomplished the most important time sensitive tasks for the day.” It’s hard for me to do that–I tend to want to get all the small, easy things done before diving in to the hard stuff, but the problem is that the “small, easy” stuff keeps growing and I keep procrastinating the hard stuff!! 🙂
I’m exactly the same. In fact happened to me just this afternoon. What is the solution do you think?
I totally resemble all of this…..the inability to do anything else all day if anything else is scheduled, the anxiety, the being late regardless of how early I start getting ready. My husband happened to be listening to the podcast as I was, and unfortunately all he heard was the selfish reference and took that as proof that “aha! It is selfishness!” *sigh* I almost give up hoping he’ll ever understand.
oops, sorry about that! Don’t give up….I never thought my husband would be on board, at first, but he is so much more understanding now.
This identical situation reigns heavy in my world and has for at least 20 years!! Grateful to know I’m not the only one!!!
I thought I was mad, too. It’s got worse since I stopped working (outside the home). When I’m in a play, I can’t do anything all day.
Finally got around to reading this newsletter. And yes, a million times yes!!!! Wow, I didn’t realize anyone else felt like this and when I have more than two things planned in a day, it absolutely feels like I have too much going on. The timing thing is exactly, word for word, how I feel. I dread it as something I “have to do” even though it’s something I wanted to do in the first place! I try and plan things for earlier in the day so that I get to have “free time” after, but if I can’t then I try and reframe it as something I “get to do.” Like plans with my husband and some friends, I tell myself that some people dream of having the nice friends we have and I am very lucky I get to spend time with them, and I will also reward myself with a bath or something when I get home. Thank you again for your website, I’m 30 and only realized I was an introvert and HSP in the last couple years, and it’s very very validating to read everything you write.
Thanks Sarah, I’m so glad you find this site valuable! 🙂
I am the sort of person that either avoids or wants to do something right now so I don’t have time to anticipate. I just like to get things out of the way as fast as possible or not at all. Never heard of hsp….look forward to reading more about it. That feeling when the appointment is over! When someone says “i look forward to…(fill in the blank)” they don’t know how seriously we take it…what a paradox.
I just cancelled an exercise class tonight and the relief is immense. Now I am not paralysed by the anxiety and I can carry on with my work. I think in the long run it would be good to work on coping strategies for this anxiety, but not today! God it’s awful that feeling of dread, isn’t it?
WOW — This entire post really speaks volumes. These persistent, gnawing thoughts become so intense at times that, though you fight it, they rage ceaselessly.
In my case, it’s often the night before when countless thoughts pop into my mind about the long list of scheduled events upon me. So, major insomnia is the name of the game.
It’s all the worry about the little things, the tiny variables, which we can’t really manage that drive this anxiety.
Consistent meditation, sunbathing, and bubble baths can generally take the edge off.
Alas, it’s good having places via the web to share ideas and information about what each of us deal with as an HSP — writing here is a better alternative to telling family and friends about these thoughts and then immediately being looked at as if you’re sprouting a third head.
I have plans for dinner tonight with my aunt, hanging with an old college friend tomorrow evening, and a craft show with another friend on Saturday. It’s driving me crazy. All these things I want to do…but I’d happily cancel them if I could. I even took Friday off of work so I felt like I still had a 2 day weekend. I know after the craft show on Saturday I’ll be useless, too.
So glad I’m not the only one. It’s so hard to explain to other people–especially my super-extroverted friends who can’t sit still for 5 minutes. 🙂
Yes, yes, yes!!! I often would teach (Pilates – lol) in the evenings and I have most of my day “open” but I would always feel like I didn’t have time in my day to do my errands, etc. because I had that commitment in the evening. I know it’s ridiculous and there is plenty of time, but it nevertheless makes me want to avoid scheduling anything.
As much as I like teaching later in the day because I am more of a night person and can’t stand mornings (and most people want to take classes after work), I find I would rather get my teaching done earlier in the day so I feel freer to live my life.
Too true about having kids or pets, btw. That doesn’t help. Having something on my kid’s schedule makes me feel the same. I really do not understand how the supermoms, sport moms, etc. do it schlepping their kids around to multiple things multiple days a week on a constant basis. The thought alone makes my heart race. I feel lucky that my son is a nerd (also HSP) and not into sports so I don’t have to worry about that. Sounds awful, but it’s honest. I’m so glad that others understand this feeling. I always felt so guilty and odd about these things.
What a relief! Listening to the podcast really put this into words for me, never having realized exactly what this was, only that having weekend plans or appointments puts a niggling dread in my brain. I’m babysitting for my sister this weekend, and while I’m happy to do it, and I love my nieces, I kind of dread it. I either want to cancel, or just get it over with right now. Same with my appointments or family plans. Sometimes it feels as though I’m being robbed of precious time, and so the rest of day is a waste too.
Same goes for things on my to-do list. If the next thing on the list is “clean the bathroom,” when really “buying groceries” is much more urgent, I cannot stop thinking about cleaning the bathroom until it’s done. I like the comment about “sticky brain.”
Thankfully, having this put into words makes the aforementioned appointments feel a little less dreadful, but boy-howdy do I wish I knew why this phenomenon occurs.
This is so comforting to read! I didn’t understand this was the problem. For my whole life i’ve been thinking i’m just the worst procrastinator. This causes me so much negative self talk like: You had all day, why couldn’t you get this done? You have one thing to do and you still didn’t do it! You will fail again next time! No one likes you and they can see you are a procrastinator doing a poor job!
I’m 27 now and I still can’t get rid of it…
I’m so glad I’m not alone, I feel exactly the same. I’ve a friend who wants to make 200,000 plans now we’re out of lockdown & I just don’t want to be friends with her any more because I find her incessant need to make plans so exhausting & stressful. Its always “we NEED to go here! We NEED to do this!” It’s stressing me out so much. Any advice appreciated 🙂
That’s why I do everything in the morning.
I don’t know how many times I canceled important events because I did not want to go through a day of anxiety.
Yes, thinking of how I can cancel dinner plans right now. Or how I can enjoy my time, the next five hours and also enjoy dinner! Really does sound so bonkers but feels so real. My adult son and I basically had to cling to each other to follow through with prepurchased tickets to the art museum awhile ago. Kind of more humorous when you are spiralling, getting grumpy, and looking for reasons to bail along with another HSP social anxiety riddled soul. Nervine herbs like lemon balm, passion flower, valerian root help me. Also theanine. Thank you for the topic and shares🌼