A few weeks ago, my husband Jim and I went to Guanajuato, Mexico to meet up with a couple we are friends with. They currently live in Mexico.
I normally would be uncomfortable “vacationing” with other people, but I’m pretty comfortable with these folks.
One afternoon, after we had exhausted all the normal tourist activities, we settled in at an outdoor bar on the main square and commenced drinking. We were having a grand time, just people watching, talking, and laughing.
Then, our Airbnb host happened to walk by so we called her over. She told us about a place nearby with cheap flavored mezcal shots. So we went to that place and had some tasty shots. Day drinking is fun! Woohoo!
We started talking to another couple at the otherwise-empty bar. They were from Mexico City. We ended up spending the rest of the day hanging out with them, too.
From that bar, we went to a restaurant for food. By this point, I could feel myself starting to wear down. It had been several hours now that we’d been laughing and having fun, but it was no longer effortless for me; it was becoming difficult to keep up the same level of friendliness. I was worn out.
Our plans for that evening were to go on a nighttime tour–basically a giant party of people walking and singing around the city. So, that meant I still had to make it through many more hours of merrymaking.
Here comes the part of my story that matters! After that dinner, I told my husband that I wanted to go back to our Airbnb, alone, until the nighttime tour. I told him that I was worn out and needed to recharge before the tour–maybe take a nap. Since he knows how I am, he totally understood. He knew it wasn’t an insult to him or our friends, and he knew that I’d be much better company later if I took a break now.
Also–I knew my fun had peaked. I had a great time that day, but now I was coming down. It was just too much time with heightened emotions of fun.
Being a highly sensitive introvert doesn’t mean we don’t like to hang out with people. It doesn’t mean we don’t like to “party”. But it might mean that we wear out faster or need a break.
To put a positive spin on it, I prefer to say that I “burn hotter” than other people. What I mean is–my energy is like a flame that burns more intensely, and therefore runs out faster than other people’s. (Sounds better than just saying “I’m worn out”, doesn’t it?)
I didn’t feel bad about taking a break from my friends–in fact, I was happy to have the opportunity. I simply told the group I needed a break/nap before the tour. They continued on without me. If anyone thought I was strange, so be it.
Then I walked back to the Airbnb (which was fortunately only 10 minutes away). It worked out perfectly.
I was so excited to have some quiet time alone. I changed my clothes, brushed my teeth, and took a short nap and met up with everyone a couple hours later. I felt refreshed and didn’t have FOMO.
The moral of this story is how to survive on vacation with other people: take breaks! And don’t feel bad about it. It’s better for you AND your friends.
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Wow, I’m impressed that the break you took was long enough to allow you to go out at night! I find that when I’ve reached the point you describe, I’m done for the day and I need hours by myself and a night’s sleep before I’m ready to go again. I might think a break is enough, and go out at night, and then discover after an hour that I was wrong, wrong, wrong….
Karen: if I had my druthers, I would have been done for the night. However, we’d already purchased tickets for the night tour, so I knew I had to tough it out. 🙂 I figured…it’s vacation, so I need to go out of my comfort zone at least a little!!
This article was a timely read for me! I’m heading to my hometown this weekend for a family reunion, where I will be surrounded by people and activity pretty much non-stop. For the most part I’m very excited about it, because this side of my family is rarely able to all be together. What made my heart sink a little, though, is when my mom told me I’d be rooming with my three cousins so that we could spend as much time as possible together (we haven’t all been together in at least 10 years). I love my cousins dearly, and I’m super excited to see them, but when she told me that, all I could think was that sharing a room with three other people, after socializing all day sounded utterly unappealing. I know by that point I’m going to be ready to escape with my thoughts and have some quiet alone time. My mom is hoping that I’ll stay for two nights, but I told her I’d have to wait and see how I was feeling by the second day. She seemed to understand, but sounded disappointed. I really like your description of your energy burning more intensely and therefore runs out faster. That’s a great way to put it, and an idea I may have to borrow. I feel badly, because I know I rarely ever get to see some of these folks, but I also know that once I reach that point where, as you said, the socializing is no longer effortless, I won’t be enjoying the reunion any more. Here’s hoping my social strength holds out and I can find pockets of quiet time throughout the reunion! Thanks so much for your blog! It’s such a wonderful thing to know that I’m not alone, and that there are others out there who understand exactly the challenges we sometimes face as introverted HSPs.
Thanks Erin, I’m glad it was helpful. I totally get where you are coming from–I often wonder where I’ll be staying/sleeping when I visit family. Will I have to share a room? Sleep on a couch in the living room? Those things matter to me more than they might matter to others. I also would feel worn out by having to also share a room with other people. But maybe you’ll have a great time–I often find that things go better than I expect!
I know that,too….when visiting my grand parents , i always have to sleep in the living room with my brother or sister. Over the day, there is never a room where i could just lay down and take a nap (except my grandma s bed, but even that isn’t always working out….
I love visiting them but i love even more being back home in my own room….
Thanks for your great podcast. I love it. Regarding the travelling that you mentioned, do you have any problems with getting bitten by mosquitos more than others when you go abroad or even on a camping trip ?! I am an HSP and I really have struggles with mosquitos especially when out of town. Anyway, it does bother me a lot and I was wondering if you or anyone else have the same issues with this or not.
Hi Sherry, yes, actually, I do have more issues with mosquitos than other people. I don’t know if they actually bite me more, or if I am just more sensitive to the bites I do get. They get SOOOOO itchy and I can’t stop thinking about them. When I was a child, I remember my bites turning into big welts. Now, the only thing that soothes mosquito bites, for me, is putting Tiger Balm on them.