A few days ago, an article was published in the WSJ titled, “Do You Cry Easily? You May Be a ‘Highly Sensitive Person.'”
The subtitle: “HSPs can respond more intensely to sounds or crowds; ‘I keep tissues handy at all times.'”
It was accompanied by a photo of a movie theatre full of crying people.
Now, I am thrilled that a major publication is writing about high sensitivity, but the title and subtitle may hurt the cause rather than help.
In this post, I discuss my thoughts on the WSJ article, particularly the aspects I found disappointing.
1. Introducing HSPs to the world by saying: “they cry all the time”
We’ve got this nice article about high sensitivity and then the possible educational benefits are distorted by the pejorative headline.
The title might as well have been: “Some people are naturally crybabies and they’re called HSPs.”
At one point, the article talks about a man who cries often: “‘I keep tissues handy at all times,’ says the 44-year-old engineer…Meet the Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP.”
So…crying all the time = HSP? I don’t know about you, but I don’t cry all the time. Maybe some HSPs do, but not all. Plus, I don’t think it’s fair or prudent to reduce high sensitivity, or any trait, to a single identifier.
Later in the article, another male HSP says, “Nobody loves a crybaby.” EXACTLY! So why did the WSJ basically title their article “HSPs are crybabies” unless they didn’t want people to feel negatively towards HSPs?
The author, Elizabeth Bernstein, is obviously an extremely skilled and experienced writer, but I wish she could have been a little less biased and a little more open-minded. This information matters and can change peoples’ lives!
2. “HSPs overreact”
This sentence in the article makes me crazy: “[HSPs] have been known to overreact to a situation.”
What on earth does that mean?!
To say someone is overreacting means there is an agreed upon appropriate reaction. Who decides what is the appropriate amount of reaction to something? How can you ever say someone is overreacting when there is no definition of the correct amount of reaction?
Secondly, “[HSPs] have been known to overreact to a situation” is another pejorative statement. This could have been stated more objectively. Maybe something like this: “Since HSPs pay such close attention to situational details, body language, tone of voice, and all the information around them, they may react to situations more thoroughly than others.” Something like that.
The positive things about this article
Look, it’s good that a major publication like WSJ is talking about HSPs. Any way information about high sensitivity can spread is a good thing, even when it is tempered by copy that hints at negativity. (I think.)
I like that the article discusses research studies done on HSPs, brain scans, genetic links, and some of the advantages–like that HSPs may cope better and notice subtleties beneficial to their jobs and life.
Why the negativity bothers me so much
As someone who hosts a podcast, runs a blog, and authored a book about being highly sensitive, I have to endlessly justify high sensitivity to people who roll their eyes and think we should just “toughen up.“ I used to be one of those people.
I thought sensitive people were…well, overreacting crybabies–just like the WSJ article says! I avoided learning more about HSP because I knew I couldn’t possibly be one of those annoying people.
Then I finally did more reading about the subject and realized that indeed I was highly sensitive. This knowledge changed my life. For the better. I was finally able to accept myself, stop wishing I was different, and understand why I felt the way I felt. I was able to find positive things about my personality for once. This epiphany led to my efforts to help others learn about HSP, in hopes that they can have the same life-changing realization that I did. I am passionate about helping people learn about high sensitivity to improve their lives. That is why a potentially damaging article like this one is so disappointing to me.
This WSJ article reached a lot of people, and had the opportunity to improve lives, but instead took a negative approach that may have turned people off.
Check out my new book, A Highly Sensitive Person’s Life: Stories & tips for those who experience life intensely.
Your comments really hit home. As a HSP who has been told many a time to “suck it up” and not be so “touchy”, I was at first eager to read this article and then irritated at being classified as a crybaby and seemingly defective. I’m so thankful for people like you and places like this that give us support.
Thank you, Kim!!
Absolutely spot-on!
The article also left me feeling uneasy too. It just seemed to be obsessed about the headline grabbing Crying = HSP, and especially using a man crying to hammer home the point. What really frustrated me was that Michael was actually empowered by being an HSP, yet that was only mentioned in the penultimate paragraph.
Bernstein did cover the new research that proved that being an HSP wasn’t imaginary or an affectation, but it was presented in such a ‘stuffy’ way that the casual reader would skim it. The next point was easy to read and about how HSPs get easily offended or overreact. Combine that with the infuriating picture, title and constant references to crying and we have a new stereotype that we have to breakdown. Again.
Good point about the stuffiness!! I actually did just that–skimmed the research! (then I went back and read it more closely later)! Thank you for your comment!
Kelly, thanks for the spot-on article 🙂 I am getting tired of being told to stop being such an emotional person *sigh* I love your focus on it. It’s really difficult when the pressure is coming from your family :I
Good post. I’m commenting here about something else, which I don’t like: the button that says “do it” at the top of my screen (as in, “subscribe to this blog”) — and wiggles, distracting me from my reading! First of all, I already did sign up. Second of all, it’s annoying in any case. A button that didn’t wiggle would be fine. Even better if it were not so peremptory.
Thanks for the input Karen! I will change it.
Thank you that was bothering me too… I love interacting with hsp, s… They are so empathetic thank you
I’m a former amateur boxer and judo competitor. I cry fairly easily especially when I see TV ads depicting starving children or abused animals, etc. I’ve noticed many male UFC fighters who cry upon losing a match or feeling they let their supporters down. These folks, including myself, are not “sissies” I assure you. I know a female UFC fighter – a definite HSP- who would gladly knock Bernstein’s teeth out for such a comment. Don’t misjudge us. My over reaction also includes my temper.
Thanks for the input Gary!! HSPs aren’t delicate flowers that need the world to “walk on glass” around us. We can be funny, sarcastic, get angry, and even be silly or entertaining. We aren’t just emotional crybabies.
Really great insights, Kelly!
One sentence near the end of the WSJ article jumped off the page for me: “Over the years, [Michael Hassard] has taught himself how to modulate his feelings and reactions—and to ‘dehumanize’ situations to remove emotion.” …to dehumanize situations to remove emotion? I completely understand how feeling and expressing emotions sometimes happens at inopportune moments, but it seemed to me like the notion of dehumanizing situations was a tad extreme.
HSPs experience life more vividly than non-HSPs; given that that is how we are wired, acceptance seems to me to be a healthier response. We all have the opportunity to temper our responses, to direct or redirect them as is appropriate, but dehumanizing emotions seems to me to go too far.
The article was in fact the sole focus of the very popular John Hancock afternoon drive time radio show here in Charlotte, NC this past Tuesday as Hancock himself recognizes that he is an HSP. While I am pleased that the topic received national attention through WSJ and local attention through John’s show on WBT, it seems that we have a ways to go before the broader culture has a more nuanced understanding of the trait.
Great points, Peter!! I wish I had mentioned that! I agree about the dehumanizing. It does seem HSPs are indeed “having a moment” 🙂 I just hope that MOMENT is fair and open-minded. 🙂
Great article Kelly. Thanks for writing this. I may be slightly digressing the conversation here, but I’ve never particularly liked the term “highly sensitive” . I just feel that the term invites misunderstanding, ridicule and implies weakness.
Whilst I think that most of Dr Arons research is spot on, and confims my own personal experiance of being HSP, I do feel that a term such as “Highly Sensory” or Highly Responsive” would be much more useful, in that it would’nt come automatically with the negative stigma’s. This is one reason why I don’t go out of my way to tell people i’m HSP. Unless they already understand what HSP is it will work against me.
Marcus,
I also cringe a little at the term “highly sensitive.” Unfortunately, at times our culture connects sensitivity to weakness. I admit I have personal issues with accepting that I am a HSP. Kelly’s blog and an article in a San Diego weekly last year literally opened my eyes to who I really am! I am a HSP. It was a life-changing realization. It allowed me to connect all the dots of my past. It helped me start forgiving myself for what I perceived as a lifetime of weakness and anxiety.
Now, I try to set healthy boundaries to allow myself quiet, alone time. Instead of allowing my husband and daughter to ridicule me for being a crybaby or crazy, I’ve learned to tell them point blank- “I am allowed to be me. If you can’t understand me, then just love me.”
Yes it’s so sad that some media materials talk about HSP trait negatively.
But this trait exists, it’s not so easy to deal with it. So for these people who speak negative about it I wish if only one day they can have the life of hsp person to understand how it is!!!!
Regards
Before I say anything I am fully aware I am responding to a post which is at least 3-years old.
Thank you Kelly:
For setting the record straight for us HSPs. I wish you had the same platform visibility as Elizabeth Bernstein i.e. the WSJ.
Elizabeth Bernstein’s article on HSPs is a piece of yellow journalism. This kind of journalism as described by the Encyclopedia Brittanica is “Yellow journalism, the use of lurid features and sensationalized news in newspaper publishing to attract readers and increase circulation”.
Kelly, I think you have been so dignified and respectful in your response to the WSJ HSP article, compared to the article which is crass, mocks and tries to show HSPs as being sick people who cry all the time. Basically the message of the article instead of informing people about HSPs, it’s main mission is “Get real HSPs, this is the real world you are living in” i.e. HSPs are ill and cry babies. Well I certainly hope Elizabeth Bernstein’s journalism career took a dive after that article. But if a respected newspaper like WSJ published it, it also reflects on their low standards given the article promotes misinformation and encourages the reader to look down upon HSPs as weaklings. WHICH HSPs are DEFINITELY NOT. But if an HSP is someone who cries all the time, like Elizabeth Bernstein’s article states, such a person has genuine mental health issues which need to be treated. As best as I know from Dr. Aron’s articles and other research data, personal accounts etc. HSPs lead perfectly normal lives. I recall reading an article which stated that there are individuals who experience the same stimuli,pleasure or thrill from listening to a good piece of music, that another kind of person gets from driving a race car. HSPs are low maintenance folks who don’t have to go around being bulls in a china shop to get some excitement. In fact HSPs look at an issue or problem both globally and in detail thus making for decision making that is more optimal. Sure there may be HSPs who experience challenges in everyday life but that is because they have been conditioned by non-HSPs in their lives who have consistently told them, “you are too sensitive (read weak) I don’t know how you can achieve anything”.
OS misleading! Three words, err…letters…W T F?