When I was a kid, my parents didn’t let me watch R-rated movies.
So, of course, that meant I really wanted to watch R-rated movies.
I remember going to a friend’s house for a sleepover, maybe in middle school. All us girls sat in the living room and watched the recently released horror movie Pet Semetary. I was excited to see my first R movie.
And I was terrified. I don’t think any of the other girls were bothered by it like I was. I probably hardly slept that night.
From that time on, I stayed away from horror movies. They scared me way too much. I’m too jumpy and I get too “into” movies when I watch them. When I go to bed, I can’t stop thinking about all the scary things I saw. And my mind spirals out of control until I’ve convinced myself that I heard a noise and someone has broken into my house to kill me.
This doesn’t sound like the confession of a grown adult, does it? You’d think that once you hit 30 you’d stop being scared like a little kid!
This has gone ever further. I remember watching a fight scene in one of the Bourne Identity movies- movies that I enjoyed- and the sound of crunching bones, the blood, the violence-I felt overwhelmed and really wanted it to be over. I still remember the exact moment in the movie theatre when I realized I hated violence. I think I even leaned over to my husband and said, “God, this is so violent!” When did I turn into an 80-year-old lady?!
And violent, upsetting scenes stay with me. Today, I heard someone mention the movie Full Metal Jacket. The first thing that immediately popped into my mind was the scene where a guy is beaten with a pillowcase of soap. It is burned into my memory. The most upsetting movie scene I’ve ever seen is the horrid, gleeful rape scene in A Clockwork Orange. It scarred my brain…like, traumatized me. Seriously. I will never watch that movie again. Even hearing the title instantly makes me feel unsettled.
Like so many other aspects of being highly sensitive, I’ve had to learn to acknowledge, accept, and adjust. Violent/scary movies take me out of the stasis of comfort and peace that I’m always trying to maintain. I know I’m not going to change, and if I don’t like horror or violent movies, then I just avoid them. It’s not that difficult, it’s just another part of my life that’s a little different than most other people.
Further Reading: Washington Post Film Critic Admits She Doesn’t Like Watching Scary Movies
I feel the EXACT same way as you do. I cannot watch anything violent, with torture, anything scary. I literally feel what the characters are going through and relive the super emotional parts. Its just too much to handle. I feel so strange when I try to express to other people how this makes me feel, its hard for them to understand. I can’t stand when I’m made to feel like a “wuss” or “too sensitive”, like it is my fault for feeling the way I do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it is so nice to know that there is another human being/soul out there that feels the same things that I do and has the same experiences : )
Becca, thank you for the nice comment! It makes me feel better to know other people feel the same as me, too! And I have also realized that other people *DON’T* feel the same as I do when they watch violent movies or TV shows….they aren’t feeling bad for the characters like I am! 🙂 And it’s ok that I’m different. I’ve learned to just avoid the shows that bother me. Take care! 🙂
You know, all the sensitive people in the world here shouldn’t be apologizing here….while we may be called lily- livered etc, I like to think that a sense of being horrified by violence is a step forward in the evolution of human beings. It’s our only hope to improve the workd and hope that more people will wake up to the horror being perpetuated every day, to many sentient beings and to our earth, in reality, not just in films.
agreed!!
Hi Kelly,
I feel much the same way as you, and others on here; so you’re DEFINITELY not alone!
Violence sickens me to the core of my being, and I can’t begin to verbalise just how debilitating the effect it has on me.
I too seem to feel the pain being dished out, as well as the truly disgusting darkness of the aggressor.
I feel a great sense of relief to know there are other highly sensitive souls out there; let’s form an online support group!?
Hi Nick! Thanks for your message. I’m glad you like the site! There are several Facebook HSP groups-actually I would recommend one run by Andy Mort called The Haven. He’s opening the doors on April 24 for a few days to accept more people. You can find it here: http://bit.ly/1TSsedf
I think the term is called Empath when one person can feel or experience emotions or pain of another, be it a character or a real person.
When I see gore, say a decapitation, my neck feels funny or uncomortable for hours and I gulp a lot. Same thing happens when someone breaks a bone or gets hurt somewhere.
I’m a bit better with emotions, but not when it is someone experiencing death anxiety (IE screaming, crying or any other noise that shows they’re clearly terrified as they’re being tortured or killed) I just feel really sick, sad and upset instead. Even when it’s fake.
I’m the exact same way and yes I’m a 30-year-old too. I remember taking Cinema 3 for college in 2004 and having to watch A Clockwork Orange during the semester and I had to close my eyes on some parts because they were just too graphic as well as the horrific screaming of some of the characters during the rape scenes was very disturbing. I think I was the only adult in the class who felt uncomfortable having to sit through that movie. Graphic violence, horrific screaming, and torture scenes like those in the Fast & the Furious movies scare me too particularly when you hear how helpless the victim sounds as he or she is being killed and its shot in a way so as to be serious rather than comedic like the Final Destination movies so you really feel sorry for the character being tortured or killed. At the same time that this type of violence horrifies me I think it also gets me in touch with my own species as far as knowing that I wouldn’t want anyone brutally torturing me or forcing me to watch someone be put through extreme pain as this is a violation of what should be a peaceful existence on this planet we call Earth.
Thanks for this Kelly. It always reassures me to learn about other HSP’s feelings about the subject of violence, aggression and scary stuff which is supposed to make ‘normal’ people feel good. What’s so normal about that, you’ve got to ask yourself? About time our ‘hooga hooga’ society lightened up and found something more worthwhile to entertain themselves with. In my humble opinion LOL.
It’s about time HSP’s stood up for themselves more, the way you have, since we make up about 20% of the population we are hardly a negligable minority. Yes, we are intense, but not in an aggressive, invasive way the way ‘normal’ society seems to think is acceptable.
My personal HSP focus has been on diet and nutrition, which is slowly but surely becoming my mission in life! Since we are more sensitive to most stimuli, food and drink should be on every HSP’s ‘look out’ list. After all, it’s what we feed our bodies and souls with, day after day, we become what we eat… so all the additives, excess sugars, MSG etc is even more harmful for HSP’s than for those who don’t seem to ‘feel’ the effects that quickly (and then mostly land up becoming chronically ill later in life).
In that way HSPs are so lucky, we are the litmus test for living in many ways.
Please keep sharing your HSP experiences, I for one look forward to more!
Vera, thank you so much for the great comment! I am glad you like the blog. I’m making it a goal of mine to focus more on health and nutrition as well. I know I have a lot of work to do in that department…. 🙂
Thanks for writing this Kelly. I read through a LOT of your posts and identified deeply with them. I find horror movies enervating. And I’ve gotten nightmares after watching The Game of Thrones. Even writing this feels like admitting a weakness. I guess that has a lot to do with how society perceives sensitivity. In my head, I know my sensitivity makes up the best part of me, but I am also very aware of what other people think, so I usually try to hide it.
I am trying to so-to-speak “come out as an HSP.” I’ve used numbing out as a strategy for dealing with my HSP-ness. But that makes me feel like half a person and I am working on figuring out ways to channel the best of who I am.
Thanks for creating and writing this blog. It was great to find it, and I’ll be following you.
Ritu, thanks so much for your wonderful comments. It made my day. I completely, totally hear you about feeling like you are admitting a weakness. (I wrote a little bit about it here: http://highlysensitiveperson.net/hate-sensitive-people/) I still feel that way sometimes…and I have a ways to go before I “embrace” my sensitivity. I’m so glad you were able to relate to this blog and hope is provides a measure of comfort for you. I am honored that you will keep on reading. 🙂
I even avoid the news…..just so much bad and sad news…..prefer to watch oldie shows from my child hood….it doesn’t keep me as “informed” …..but much happier….
I watched pet cemetery when I was 19 (when my parents told me it was up to me now). To this day I think about how disturbing it was. To this day (I’m 34), whenever I see a child’s shoe in the street I think about the scene with the truck, and how the innocent baby came back as an evil monster. That movie scarred me for life. As did clockwork orange. Kung fun panda II scarred me for life! Anything slightly sad, especially if it involves a child, will leave me crying for an hour and then scarred for life. My husband now knows me so well that he knows exactly when to look at me when were watching a movie. And it surprises him if I’m not crying.
Leila, I couldn’t help but chuckle a little, because I know what you mean! “Scarred” is the best way to put it. My husband will also be like, “Are you CRYING?” because I will tear up at the stupidest stuff!! Did the movie “UP” make you cry a lot? It did for me!! Especially when things involve old people, that makes me extra sad.
I need to respond to this.
I was purposefully searching online for the phrase “can no longer handle movies”, just to see if there was ANYONE out there like me… I already know I am an HSP (discovered the term earlier this year, and it fit PERFECTLY), and my sensitivity to almost ALL media is practically paralyzing. 🙁
From the show Roseanne (the near-end-of-series fight caused me to actually scream “TURN IT OFF!!!! OH GOD, TURN IT OFF!”) to Pink FLoyd’s The Wall (which I was pushed to see when I was SIX, and still feel deeply scarred from it, especially when I hear any of the music), far too many TV shows and movies bother me so much. I can’t stand violence, gore, blood, or even screaming/conflict. Drama depresses me for months (if not years…I’m still having painful memories of Schindler’s List that keep haunting me when I’m trying to focus on something else), and I can’t even enjoy things where too much is going on or there are lots of explosions/effects (The Lego Movie gave me a massive headache, unfortunately).
To this day, I find myself crying or rocking back and forth from remembering horrible moments in movies I wish I had NEVER seen (most of them I was pushed to see…no one can really understand my sensitivity issues, and most think I’m some kind of freak or just can’t see the movie as “just a movie”). And it even goes to books. I get so upset reading about something horrible, feeling like I’m on the other side of a glass wall, watching something horrific happening and being unable to stop it or do anything about it. I feel helpless, small, and almost voyeuristic when I watch pain. It hurts so much, and no matter how much I see it, I can’t “get used to it.” I seriously think this is just the way I am, and how I must accept myself. The problem is trying to enjoy any kind of media with anybody else. It feels like a very lonely life.
I’m sorry for rambling. I’ve been so upset about this recently, moreover because I seriously felt like the only one in the world who couldn’t handle practically any movie (that’s a generalization…there are some I deeply love) or scenes that are distressing. Everyone else loves Hitchcock. Everyone else loves Dogma. Everyone else watches Quentin Tarantino. I can’t stand any of it, and I feel small and lonely when I sit at home and put something calming and simple like He Man or a classic movie / TV show, while everybody else is talking about Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones.
Thank you so much for making me feel less lonely. I know exactly how you feel, and embrace you for it. The secret to feeling better about this issue is to not look down on ANYONE for having different tastes, in the hopes that we can teach them not to look down on us. (Seriously, it’s the “shame” aspect which is the final blow to this pain) And as a man, I am in an even greater minority of men who are highly sensitive to these things. Ever heard of a man who feels sick at thinking about Fight Club? 🙁 *raises hand*
Anyway, I’m sorry for going on and on. Much love to you and DEEP THANKS for writing this. You are not alone, and I understand completely. <3
— Marc
Marc, you are awesome, thank you for sharing this so eloquently! It just makes me see how we are all on a scale of sensitivity. Everyone is different-from people who aren’t bothered by anything to those who are extremely sensitive. I can imagine your media sensitivity is even more difficult as a man-that stinks. I am glad you have realized this about yourself and hopefully are accepting that it’s how you are, and it’s ok. Your sensitivity to violent, sad, over-stimulating scenes is kind of cool in a way-it makes you special that you feel things so deeply and aren’t desensitized like so many other people. Maybe books are your preferred entertainment over movies? I personally am not a big movie-watcher, either. Thanks again for sharing and I’m so glad you found this post helpful!
Thank you so much for your reply and comforting words. Lately I’ve been feeling weaker and weaker in the face of overwhelming odds in terms of my sensitivity, but I’m not ashamed to say it either (I’ve never felt “masculine” and probably never will; I learned when I was very young that being male was worse than being female…but that’s a whole other ballgame).
Sadly, I can’t enjoy most books, either. I tried reading “Through Wolf’s Eyes” by Jamie Lindskold on being pushed by a friend, and was crying so hard halfway through, I had to put it away and not pick it up again. I tried reading the beginning of the first Artemis Fowl book, but was so upset by the catastrophic Venice sequence and even the sad aspects of Artemis’ life, that I wasn’t enjoying it one bit. I couldn’t get through the first few chapters of Wicked. Not even reading is enjoyable for me. To me, almost any kind of media is like watching all this pain and drama through a glass wall and banging on it, only to realize that you are stuck simply watching all this pain and being unable to do anything about it. It’s not fun for me, and it just hurts so much. It hurts even more to REALIZE this and not be able to enjoy these things like everybody else can.
I really don’t want to say this, but video games are more enjoyable for me than books. I know, I know, books are far better. I’m not arguing that one bit. But in a video game, I feel like I have some kind of CONTROL over the story, or at least am an active participant. There are many games in which you can even choose the path you wish to follow (confrontational or peaceful, etc.), and I get so much enjoyment out of truly “putting myself” into a game like that and seeing how the story flows around who I am. Even if the game is “programmed” a certain way, I still feel better being part of a story than just an audience member.
And I’m not talking about violent gun-crazy games like Call of Duty or God of War or all that stuff; I’m talking about beautiful, emotional games like Final Fantasy or even Dragon Age Origins. There are calmer, cuter ones, too, like Little Big Planet or Kirby’s Epic Yarn. Maybe I like the more “girly” games? It would suit my non-masculine mind/feelings, I guess.
But I’m not saying my choice in loving games is “right”. I advocate all those serious movies and books that have a far greater and more necessary effect on humanity. Everyone has their own sensitivity spectrums, as you have said, and each loves their own things. It’s only our job to accept each other’s opinions and embrace them, rather than push them into things that go outside our boundaries (though that brings up the problem of expanding your horizons and living richly).
I’m sorry, I’m rambling again. But thank you so much for your response and much love to you and yours. 🙂 Big hugs!
— Marc
Violent material used to activate a crippling anxiety response in me. My body felt like it was on the verge of a medical emergency: thunderous heartbeats, disoriented thoughts, body chills. Even just the cinematic build-up before a violent scene was enough to make me flee a theater or duck into the nearest bathroom and wait until the onscreen conflict resolved.
Maybe it’s just me, but I actually felt that avoidance of my fears only reinforced them. The fears gained momentum and loomed in the background of everyday life. “What if I witness a violent incident in real life?” “Would my body have a meltdown?” “Would my heart explode?” “Would my brain shut down?” Then one day someone had an injury at work and I panicked over the possibility that I *might* see a few drops of blood on the floor. It became so obvious: my fears were gaining strength over my ability to function in society. In a real emergency I would be at a major disadvantage, to say the least! This just wasn’t the dutiful, resourceful person I knew I could be. I needed to get my emotions (and therefore my LIFE!) back on track.
It became a personal goal to be able to watch fearsome graphic content, as some sort of personal mastery over the fears. This may seem extreme and definitely not for everyone. But you know what? In my case, IT WORKED. I can now mentally override the fear response while watching intense cinema. Talk about self-empowerment!
In a similar note, I also wanted to be able to handle caffeine with getting a full-blown panic response. This I also mastered. Do you have any idea how self-possessed and empowered I must feel?! 😀
Wow, Monica, you sound pretty awesome 🙂 How did you master caffeine? Did you slowly increase your intake? (Funny-I’m drinking a small bit of coffee right now!)
Yes, incrementally and mindfully. This was the key to adding caffeinated beverages and foods into my diet. Even during my years of decaf-everything, I still liked the idea of caffeine and really wanted to partake but couldn’t. Chamomile/ lavender teas and Rescue Remedy were in my bag of tricks in case my experiments went too far too fast. Xanax was an “in case of emergency” type of option too.
Self-mastery wasn’t my only motivation to conquer this caffeine-sensitivity thing. There’s the possible health benefits, the slightly euphoric energy and increased alertness that it provides, the social rituals and coffeehouse culture, just to name a few bonus reasons. The culture part is especially fun for me; you really get to know a society by its coffee / tea traditions. 🙂
Hi Kelly,
I’m new to your blog but this really hits home with me since I recently tried to overcome my fear of a certain horror movie…Stephen King’s IT, to be more specific.
I’ve always been a highly sensitive person like you and others here. But I love horror movies, including some bloody and violent slashers.
However, this particular movie has traumatized me since the age of 11; I am now in my 30’s.
I read the book when I was about 12 but didn’t realize until later that the movie was based on Stephen King’s novel.
I recently bought the movie in the hope of being able to finally conquer my fear, like Monica said she was able to do.
I watched the first part of the movie (it is very long) in the daytime. I hadn’t seen it in years. I really wanted to desensitize myself to it. But I just couldn’t do it. I had trouble sleeping at night because I was so afraid, just like when I was young. All I could see were the terrible images/sounds in the movie.
I have the book and it doesn’t bother me anymore, but the movie is a different matter. Maybe because the images come to life and you can actually see the terrible things that happen.
After a few sleepless nights I threw it away…I just couldn’t do it. Even the thought of that movie under my roof scared the crap out of me. I feel like I wasted money on it, but it was only about $4.00 so I didn’t spend too much.
I felt anxious and jumpy even after throwing it away but I’m relieved that it’s gone. I still love my horror movies but I might stop watching them for a while.
I want to start watching more comedy and romance to help with my depression. I also think that movies like Stephen King’s IT add to my anxiety and overall mental/emotional trauma. Just very bad energy that I don’t need in my life.
I tried but I figure I’m just too sensitive and I should stay away from movies where children are being killed, like in IT.
Most other people I’ve talked to don’t seem to have that reaction but they aren’t sensitive like me.
Hi Melinda, thanks for sharing! I have never seen IT and I never will! Kudos to you for trying to tackle your fear but it sounds like a traumatizing experience!! 🙂 I made the mistake of reading about a murder last night before I went to bed and I woke up in the middle of the night sweaty and freaked out. ugh!! I hope you don’t feel bad about your strong reaction to that movie-there’s nothing weird about it. I agree that it is bad energy and we don’t need that! Why watch awful, terrible things like that…you know?
I am a big fan of comedy because that is what I want to put into my brain…happiness, not fear or even sadness.
Hi Kelly,
My reactions to movies are a bit difference and sometimes even more difficult to understand for others. I don’t have much problems with horror or violence (except for torture scenes, those are almost like I feel them so … nope) but I really feel uncomfortable about most romantic movies. And I don’t mean the typical “guy complains about chick flick”-problem. My problem is that those movies make the main characters feel bad or unsecure about their lovelife, and I immediatly feel this emotion. That why I started to call those “Break up and cheat”-comedies, because those elements are for me far more present than the romantic part.
Learning about HSPs this feeling suddenly made more sense to me.
My mother and I always had a distance between us. The earliest “distance” instance was when she would give me a “choice” to stay up late at night. I would have to brush her hair and watch vampire movies with her if I wanted to stay up late. I only remember staying up late once, otherwise I chose to go to bed.
I am so so glad I found your blog and specifically this one post! Growing up, we weren’t allowed to see R rated movies but my aunt would sneak us into them. The worst was Salem’s Lot. I had nightmares for years and years. I cannot and will not watch horror movies ever again. They just stay with me forever and affect me too much. Besides, that is not how I want to spend my time either! There is already enough evil in the world. Why would I want to FILL my mind with it?!
I only learned recently I am an HSP, so it totally makes sense that most of my family and friends can watch anything they want, while I have to be hyper vigilant, and it made me feel weak and, well…stupid.
I cannot watch the news (it’s all bad and/or violent) and rarely watch t.v. If I do, it’s Ellen or House Hunters Intl. I prefer books.
Once I made the mistake of watching the movie Rob Roy, and that rape scene just destroyed me. For months. I could not get over my sadness, it was so deep. It was grief so strong I felt it had happened to me.
It’s so hard when I go to my mom’s house because she watches crime show after crime show and I CANNOT STAND the torture, the screams, the blood and gore. I feel like such a delicate flower compared to the rest of society and wish so badly sometimes I could just be ‘normal’. Whatever that is!!
Thanks for your comment, Amy! I know what you mean about feeling like a “delicate flower”-and I don’t mean that in a completely positive way! I wish I wasn’t so “delicate”. Just last night we were watching a show where Maasai people in Africa were butchering a small animal for food and I had to look away from the TV for like 2 minutes straight. It’s like a powerful, strong feeling that I cannot watch it-no way! It’s not worth the intense feelings it will give me. So I TOTALLY relate to what you wrote!! I’m glad you are here 🙂
As a highly sensitive person myself, horror movies freak me out. However, Jason Bourne movies don’t really bother me. I this possibly common among HSP’s? Also, being that a lot of HSP stray violence in general, is it a contradiction in terms, to not directly like violence and practice self defense in order to protect those you love?
Brandon recently posted…Four Ways to Deal With Critics.
I’m only 14, and I’m also extremely sensetive to anything in films or shows. I can’t deal. And in shchool we have to watch the film ‘Shutter Island’ and I’m terrified. I googled the film and its 9/10 for violence and gore, with a lot of detail included. What do I do? We watched the first 5 minutes today and I almost had a panic attack, I could feel my hand go cold and my head go hot. Help me please
School* aha sorry
Hi Ella, thanks for your comment. Can you talk to your teacher and be excused from the movie? Or could your parents get you excused? Is the movie part of something you are studying in class (can you miss it?) If you are not able to get excused, maybe you can try to distract yourself with something else while it is on, like looking at a book or daydreaming. You should not feel bad or embarrassed about being strongly affected by the movie. There might be other kids in your class who feel the same as you!
I am really scared of horror movies too and everyone in our class says the exact opposite. There was a trip organised to see Woman In Black and I really don’t want to watch it. I feel really scared. I get extremely scary nightmares. I told my teacher and she says its a good opportunity, What should I do?
Hi Aarmera, is the movie something you need to watch for class? If not, and it’s just for fun, I don’t see why you should be forced to watch it. How is it a good opportunity?
I saw Child’s Play when I was 17. It has haunted me ever since and it was more than 20 years ago. Same for Serpent and the Rainbow. 20 years ago and I still worry if there is water on my counter when I am about to use my coffee maker. I don’t even have to see a movie for it to scare me to death. I read the description for a movie about a human centipede. Didn’t even make it through the description and it torments me. When I start to think about these things, there is a voice in my head that’s saying “stop! Don’t think about it. Think about something else. Just stop thinking about this.”
It’s not limited to horror movies either. It’s been years since I saw a disney movie. From the second Simba is presented to all of the animals to the second Simba presents his son to all of the animals I am a blubbering idiot. Free Willy? Cried from the very beginning to the very end. I can’t even listen to the music from these movies. Makes me cry every time.
How do you get rid of the thoughts? How can I shut them out? Does anyone have any advice. It’s absolute torment.
Hi Donna! You said, “When I start to think about these things, there is a voice in my head that’s saying ‘stop! Don’t think about it. Think about something else. Just stop thinking about this.’ ” I do the same thing! And a lot of times, I can’t stop myself. I also never saw Human Centipede but just typing the words means I have to think about it for a millisecond and that’s enough to gross me out.
How to get rid of the thoughts? Well, I try to stop them before they can even start. I simply don’t watch scary or disturbing movies. And if I find myself starting to think about something disturbing, I do what you mentioned-I tell myself to stop, or distract myself with something else. Sometimes I’ll even youtube “funny videos” or something like that, if I’m really worked up.
I am also very sensitive to physical and psychological violence in movies. I’m concerned: was Ella excused from watching Shutter Island? I hope so. I also hope Marc knows he isn’t the only male who has issues with these things. It feels good to know others are like me. I can’t handle certain scenes, even though I know they’re fiction. Especially violence against women. I can’t imagine watching Pink Floyd: The Wall at age six. You all have my sympathy for having this sensitivity, it can really be problematic sometimes.
Thanks for your comment, Dan!!
Dan, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. It’s been more than a year since I wrote that post, and only now did I find it again, as I’m having those panic attacks and fears again upon thinking about that horrible movie (‘horrible’ being my personal opinion…I know I upset a lot of the fans when I say such things). Hell, even seeing people in military uniform makes me think of the movie, which is why anything military/veteran-oriented just MAJORLY depresses me. I, too, hope that Ella was excused from watching Shutter Island. We were forced to watch a couple of movies in high school that REALLY shattered me (I actually ran out of the classroom during Schindler’s List and banged my head on the toilet over and over in an effort to remove the images from my brain…everyone thought I was weird), so I do NOT support showing such movies in class unless every student knows exactly what they’re getting into and can individually okay it or ask to be excused from it. Moreover, I hate it when ANYONE is “forced” to watch a movie, as it really should be up to the individual. The term “Must-See” just makes me cringe… What is mentally healthy and satisfying for some can be permanent damage for others. I don’t get the “happy” from Harold and Maude that everyone else did.
The flip side of the coin is my worry about completely denying all these painful feelings. We have to accept that sadness, pain, death, and even violence are part of life, and things we must accept. But how can we accept them when they sting us so painfully, and with permanent repercussions? 🙁 I take pride in my sensitivity, but I worry, too, that I’m hiding away from things that could possibly strengthen me. Even so, no matter how much violence or conflict I watch, I don’t feel stronger-in fact, I feel weaker than I did before. What’s up with that? 🙁
I’m all for “good cries”, though I can only think of three movies that get me crying WITHOUT launching me into a major month (or more)-long depression: Brother Bear (and not during the sad scenes!), Final Fantasy Advent Children, and Stardust. I think there are others, too, but I can’t remember what they are at this moment, sorry. If I cry at any other movie, it lasts for such a long time, that I can’t enjoy anything for a good long while. I don’t “get over” such things easily, and that becomes an obstacle to living and enjoying things with other people who miss my presence and “happy mood”. 🙁
I say this because it’s why I prefer happiness over “necessary sadness”: because it gives me much more energy to live life in the short time I have on this planet. Depression leaves me stagnant and paralyzed for much longer than necessary, and I can’t “bounce back” so easily. 🙁 So if I ever seem escapist when it comes to media/movies, that’s why.
GOD my posts are long! 😛 In conclusion, Dan, I’m overjoyed simply that YOU EXIST. You and I are not alone in our feelings, and we should take pride in the sensitivity and feelings that we have (and are unafraid to voice) with each other. Thank you so much, Dan, and if you ever want to talk, please feel free to email me at svankmaj@Hotmail.com . (Assuming that it’s okay for emails to be here) It can often help to vocalize our pains and traumas with those who readily understand, and it can be a GREAT comfort. 🙂
Thank you again, and lots of love and hugs to you, ALWAYS. 🙂
Hi, great to meet you! I also don’t like violence, in movies and books, and don’t watch horror movies. I was wondering if you know if there’s a site or something where you can check books to see if they’re too violent before reading them? I love whodunnits, but lately they’re mixed with 20 pages of in depth violent descriptions that are too much for me…
Thank you!
I can’t handle it either! I only watch kids cartoons, kids movies, and read kids books.
Wow, this is a great find! My significant other doesn’t really understand that I hold onto these violent, sad images (even if she tells me about a movie she’s seen, I visualize, or just feel the sadness and grief and wrongness of the violence). I tried sharing this site with her to get her to understand that these things haunt me and that’s why I don’t watch the news, I can’t detach from the wrongness of what the news media focuses on… Everything upsets me, actually angers me and keeps me in a dark place for more than I care to be. I don’t get why I have to watch the news, I find out what’s happening in one way or another. I’m experiencing great frustration in trying to communicate how I feel to others. They don’t “get it”.
That’s often the worst part…finding others who take time to understand how you feel and why things affect you. For me, people often say “It’s just a movie” or “Man up” or “get a backbone” or whatever. Others say I need to expose myself to MORE painful things in order to get stronger. But ironically, with each thing I see or hear about, I feel WEAKER. 🙁
As I think I mentioned in a previous comment, I worry that avoiding these things is the wrong thing to do, as it will crush me when something truly horrible happens to me or someone very close to me. But facing them doesn’t seem to help either. I guess the answer lies in simply “acknowledging” that these things happen, but at the same time, not subjecting yourself to be a witness to them (especially for something that shows all the pain and ugliness in extreme detail…more than we need to see). And it’s important to seek out friends who will embrace you for who you are, sensitivity included. People who don’t “get it” or don’t even TRY to “get it” are just not people to be around. 🙁
And there are all sorts of sensitivities. Neither my partner nor I like blood and gore in movies, but my partner is less sensitive to screaming and “chaotic” moments in movies than I am. Even so, he understands how I feel and never pushes any movie on me that has things like that in it (and even if it accidentally does, he lets me turn away and bury my head in his chest and tell me when it’s all over). I truly hope you will find people who will treat you with love and acceptance like that.
It’s a journey we all make, but we can all make TOGETHER. Thank you for opening up like this… 🙂 As I said to another poster here, I’m glad you exist. 🙂
Big hugs,
Marc
Does anyone have recommendations of movies, books, or TV shows that they really enjoyed in part because they weren’t overstimulating? I’m hard-pressed to think of anything off the top of my head, but Enchanted April is a good movie, Artist of the Floating World a good novel (not innocuous but very pretty)…I really enjoyed Emily of New Moon, even though there was some traumatic stuff in there…ditto The Giver (book)…it’s hard to come up with titles that aren’t somehow triggery, in that you have to enjoy the good parts while pushing the bad ones out of your mind.
I feel that one of the best “simple” movies that exists is My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Yes, the whole wedding planning stuff seems rather stressful, but I like the movie because it’s a very simple love story, with minimal drama, a decent amount of good humor, and was made on a manageable low budget without need for huge movie stars or special effects. 🙂 Napoleon Dynamite is another good example, except there’s one scene in it I HATE involving killing a cow. 🙁 I really could have done without that (though thankfully you don’t visually see anything, but you DO see kids’ reactions, and that is painful enough for me). But anyway, I recommend My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Any others? I rather like Jane Eyre, the novel, for being a nice story about a simple (or she seems so) woman who goes through some troublesome times, but finds love and happiness in the end (and in the middle). The associated 1940s movie with Joan Fontaine and Orson Welles is good, too. 🙂
On that note, any kind of classic movies or TV shows are great in that they relied on a good story instead of overly dramatic effects, blood and gore, or intense on-screen violence/drama. Even “Dinner at Eight”, a famous old drama, is one of my favorites for having a bunch of stories in them that are sort of “real”, but nothing really upsetting. (Well, there is ONE story, but it didn’t affect me as much as I thought it would. Again, I think black and white movies create a stronger barrier of reality than anything new with HD and vividness).
These are just ideas…I could be completely wrong. :-/ There are certain movies and TV shows that nicely calm me down…. for example, the old Monkees TV show. Yes, often extremely silly, but there’s a kind of “innocence” in it that always makes me smile and feel calm in some weird way. 🙂 You’ll find what you enjoy, I know you will.
Lots of love and light,
Marc
Hello!
I just found this post while in the middle of “The Giver” movie! So intense I paused it & while my heart raced .. Looked on Google for a site like this! I do can’t watch horror, gore, sadness, etc. I was in my 20’s & my ex took me & the kids (his & mine) to a drive in with 4 horror flicks on 21st once. I went home that night (we weren’t married yet) & had the worst nightmare!! I must’ve screamed a blood curdeling screen since my neighbors came running over & broke into my house thinking I was being attacked! The nightmare I was having, I saw myself hanging from a tree in my back yard. I’ll spare you the other details. But that’s when I realized I couldn’t do intense or scary, gorey, horror kinda of movies! To this day. I avoid them totally. I just watched a couple that were just intense & my heart has been pounding like crazy!! Taking deep breaths & trying to relax now. Whew!!
I’m also considering giving up coffee & switching back to green tea. It seems way worse with caffeine in my system!.
Any ideas will be appreciated! Thank you very much. So glad there’s others & I’m not just going insane! God bless!
Judy P.
I keep coming back to this blog post because I really feel at home with individuals like you, Judy. Seriously, I’m glad people like you simply EXIST. Just please don’t watch these movies. Cutting back on caffeine will also help, too, as will any exercises or activities that allow you to center yourself and focus on things that are far far more important. I realize I should practice what I preach though…I still have problems getting ugly images from movies out of my head, which otherwise antagonize me throughout the day and depress me, scare me, or drain me of all emotional energy. 🙁
It’s a GOOD thing that we FEEL these things, I will admit that. However, we feel so much, we get easily drained or scarred. I still hold to the truth that real life has enough horror, drama, and pain, that we really don’t need to see movies or TV shows like this for what people would qualify as “entertainment” (seriously, I’m never once “entertained” by this stuff…so why watch it?). I used to think that I NEEDED to see these movies in order to “toughen up”, which is a nice idea, but I don’t think it works for everyone. I could be wrong, but I just feel that you should go with what FULFILLS you and gives you the energy to move forward. If things like this hold you back, hurt you, or cause excruciating pain, why expose yourself to them?
I’m so sorry you watched that movie. I don’t know about it, but am sure I wouldn’t be able to stand it. Trust me-I’ve seen tons of other movies that I regret seeing and have caused immeasurable pain and even effects comparable to PTSD. It’s worse when people judge you for your sensitivity and say “What on earth’s wrong with you?!” or “It’s just a movie, dammit,” etc. 🙁 So again, I’m glad you simply exist, so we can say comfortingly to each other that we’re NOT alone.
Be honest with yourself and others. Avoid these movies, and be sure to explain WHY you’re avoiding them, so you and others will understand and be accepting. Better yet, find activities or things to do that are, well, “emotionless”…things that don’t have any huge emotion to absorb and can kind of “reset” yourself, in a way. Exercise comes first to mind, as does meditation and simple deep breathing. Even silliness or humor can be good, too. And remember, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You are NOT going insane, and you are NOT a bad person, ever.
Frankly, the world needs more people like you and I. Again, I’m glad you exist.
Big warm walrus hugs,
Marc
Ok, so what do you do if your spouse watches the series “Hercules: Blood and Sand” every night. I cannot handle the constant yelling and screaming. I don’t watch with him because it is all super slow motion violence with lots of spurting blood. SO MUCH NOISE!
I ask him to at least turn it down some and I get an eye roll like I am the pain in the ass.
It just makes me want to cry…
Hi Noreen! I’m sorry to hear this is bothering you. There are a few options. There are bluetooth headphones that your husband could wear while watching the show, so you don’t have to hear it. They work with the TV and are wireless. Or, you could wear headphones and listen to something else, and stay away from that room while he’s watching that show. 🙂
I am so glad that I have found others here on this topic that feel the same as me. I absolutely can’t stand horror movies or anything with gore and torture and such. I don’t even watch Crime scene investigation or NCIS (unless the victim is killed without blood shed.) I was ‘forced’ to watch a war movie in school with history like Platoon and some other movie about the first world war and those awful images of soldiers with their legs blown off literally haunt me still. Hell, there was this episode of winx that I watched when I was younger with these kind of white ghosts with black hair and red eyes and they still scare me! It does not help either that all my friends love horror movies. And it’s just so frustrating that they tell me that horror movies aren’t that scary or bad, because they are for me… Even today, a friend told me that I was being over-dramatic about shielding my eyes when she made me watch one episode of the walking dead. This was even after I told her that I absolutely hated these kind of things. Another thing that makes me dreadful is that we are going to watch the new movie: bridge of spies with school. I don’t know if it will be that violent as other war movies but I don’t really want to take the risk… ( We are going to the cinema to see it) I don’t really mind to be called a wuss because I am feeling this way but I just wish they would respect it and don’t treat it as if it’s something I could just turn off or change. Also, excuse me for my english, it’s not my first language 🙂
Thanks for your comments, Anne. I hope you are able to get through that movie at school!
I have always been like this, recognizably when i was 10, I had my first fainting spell. I begin to take on the experience someone else’s trauma. I didn’t know that 20percent of the population was considered hypersensitive. I called it empathic. I thought it may have to do with the vaso vagal nerve, but agree tremendously with the head/gut connection and that what we put into ourselves nutritionally plays such an important role. Now that I am in my 50s my entire body, all nerve endings are set off by intense movies or tv shows. My heart pounds. My entire body feels as if there is electricity around it and I might start having tremors.
Thank you for posting on this topic. I saw Deadpool a couple of days ago and was traumatized, essentially. Having never read the comic books, I was not prepared for what I saw. After feeling agitated the entire night afterward and then sick to my stomach when talking about the violent details the next morning, I was exhausted.
It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Thank you for this comment!! My husband saw Deadpool and was trying to convince me that I’d like it. Now I know to stay away!
So grateful to have found you all! I just emailed my college professor tonight to ask if I could skip the graphic violence in an assigned book.
It’s so awful that it’s making me cry and keeping me up at night. I really wonder if anyone else in the class feels the same.
they might!! 🙂
Oh my god!
I should have googled “why am I so sensitive to tragic movie endings” sooner to find this blog post!!
I relate to so many of the experiences shared here and I’m always trying to change that about myself which only causes extra stress!!
1. I love the movie ‘up’.. It’s so beautifully made but I cry every time I watch it!
2. I skipped watching the HIMYM finale as I read it ends tragically!
3. I googled alternate endings to ‘King kong’ as I got so upset with the ending!
4. I couldn’t even watch 1 episode of House M.D!!!
And yes, the books are long gone as I can’t handle that intensity of feeling but love reading!! I’ve always freely “weak” in these situations and never tried to accept it as a personality type! That’s why it’s so amazing to see all of your comments here- thank you!!
But I do want to find ways to become a bit more stronger as this causes overreaction with loved ones 🙁 and then that sticks around and plays on my mind ! It’s a loop! Do let me now how you cope with it 🙂
I prefer watching Brooklyn nine-nine over true detective! Anyday!!! 🙂 why all that Gore when life can be humorous! Just don’t get it ha ha.
Thanks again!
Hi Sansha! Thanks for sharing. I like Brooklyn Nine Nine, too. 🙂 While avoidance can take us so far, it is helpful to try to build stronger capabilities for dealing with the emotions, too! When you say there are overreactions with loved ones, what do you mean?
I relate to everything on here so I won’t rehash. What I haven’t seen yet is this:
My husband can watch and tolerate, even “enjoy” movies like the ones we speak of. He’s watched Daredevil on Netfilx, which I’ve compulsively read about. Many war movies. Stuff like Fight Club, Sin City, etc. I look up the details. I get so much anxiety.
Now, I do NOT watch these things….but that said….I am pissed off that he has no problem with this type of entertainment. He’s aware of it, and keeps it from me. We barely watch anything together. I know he gets bored with so much HGTV. But, it makes me question what the hell makes someone I love dearly want to be entertained by this horrible stuff. It’s caused a rift for 15 years….he doesn’t know I look this stuff up, but I feel a compulsion to try to figure out what makes him seek this out.
What disturbs me is the way I look down on him for this. Now, he is a very kind man. loves animals. Very loving with me..Yada Yada. I can deal with other people and their preferences, but his just kill me inside.
Anyone? THIS makes me feel very alone.
^^^ let me add that, I love apocalyptical movies. (most are just depressing). I loved The Road (sans one scene). I read the book and knew what I was getting into…He on the other hand, had to turn it off after 10 mintues.
You know what? I felt like-you can’t handle The Road, but you can stand to watch endless, pointless, excruciating pain and torture, rape, etc, (we’re talking Clockwork Orange, etc though that is an extreme example) - and you can’t sit through The Road? (which by the way *spoiler* ends in an uplifting manner.)….I then still think “wtf” what does that say about him? About me? And why does it piss me off that he enjoys his entertainment?
sigh
🙂
For some reason, I love scary movies. However, I think it comes from a genuine interest in the taboo. I can seem to handle gore and things that are purely physical. But I am most terrified by horror movies about ghosts or ones based on true stories. Those are the one’s that cause me to leave the light on at night when I go to sleep. As I get older and wiser, and more aware of my sensitivity, I can sort of switch off and become more logical about it. But that is only after years of practice and effort. The sort of things I refuse to watch usually involve women being abused or raped. It sickens and terrifies me to the core. Also, pedophilia is another thing I can’t bare to watch or even hear about. I react hugely to jump scares in horror movies and I hate them because even though I know it’s coming, I still scream and jump, lol.