Criticism and insults cut so deep
Being overly sensitive to criticism is a huge topic, and one that comes up all the time, especially when people first learn about high sensitivity.
I always put off writing about it because it was so vast. But now I have a story.
Today my husband and I were bantering about how each one of us thought we were smarter than the other. We’ve had this discussion before, and it is mostly tongue-in-cheek, because obviously we don’t want to hurt each other’s feelings. It’s mostly joking.
But today, he went too far. He said some hurtful things and I don’t even know if he realizes how deeply he cut me.
For most of the rest of the day I felt like the rug was pulled from under me. How could the person who is my everything be so disrespectful? 100 different thoughts were going through my head. Anger, regret, deep sadness, betrayal, hurt, revenge, capitulation. It was made more painful because he usually does not say hurtful things like this. We are usually never truly hurtful to each other, not even when arguing.
He had no idea what he did to me. I’m sure he’s already forgotten about it.
Not me.
I feel like I’m physically hurt in my heart. It’s like if my love is a piece of concrete that was just hit and chipped by a hammer. It’s forever.
Many hours later (after a nap), I found that I’d snapped back to normal because the incident faded from my memory. But when I remembered it, I was angry/sad/hurt again.
I don’t want to forget what he said. I don’t want to let it fade and go back to normal. What happened matters.
A lot of times when I am writing these posts, I think about what a non-HSP would think if they read it. And right now, I think they would be rolling their eyes and saying, “Get over it, why do you have to make a big deal out of things?”
Here’s why. I love so intensely, like a white hot light. I care so freaking hard about everything related to my loved one-I think this is a good quality. But with the intense highs come the lows and the ability to be hurt deeply. I don’t just “get over it” or “let it go” because it all matters to me. You only “let things go” that don’t matter.
It all matters. That’s why it all hurts.
Once a day or two passes, it starts to fade. Then I start to think that maybe I did overreact. But I won’t forget it.
Disclaimer: I don’t like that this sounds like I’m talking badly about my husband. I just want to be honest with you and give an example of being hurt by something someone said. All couples occasionally have disagreements and even arguments. This is just an example. I’m sure I have said hurtful things, too.
photo credit: art crimes via photopin cc
Reasonable, respectful relationships dictate an open discussion of a hurt. And even if the “offender” doesn’t understand your pain, an apology is due.
Time will lessen the sting, but there may be a scar. When it rises up, gently acknowledge and move on to a happy thought.
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