drinksAfter going to a party, a group dinner, or hanging out with people, extraverts will often say: Where are we going next? 

It reminds me of something my super-extravert husband does that drives me up the wall.

We’ll have a lovely dinner with friends, and we’ve paid the check and are ready to leave, and he says, “Let’s go get some drinks!”


When a group dinner is ending, I’m happy and fulfilled after having spent a nice time chatting with people I like. And now it’s time for the evening to end and go to home. Everything is great.

Why on earth do we need to prolong it? Why take a great night and beat it into the ground?!

I guess his thinking is, “Let’s keep the fun going!”

But my theory is that the longer you stay out, the less fun it gets.


FInal graphThere is a certain point at which everyone has maybe had a drink or two and the conversation is lively and fun. I’m having a great time! But from that apex, it can only go downhill. Someone will start to get tired, or sobers up, or gets too drunk. Or energy starts running out. The bell curve has to run its course.

Introverts frequently dislike hanging out at clubs or noisy, crowded bars.

I believe that extraverts like “going out for a drink” because:

  1. It’s fun to be around other people!
  2. I want to get out of the house / get a change of scenery!
  3. It’s just fun! And stimulating!

These things do not matter to the introverted HSP. Well, I take that back–we can and do enjoy these things…..

  • Sometimes,
  • and for brief periods.

If you have an extraverted partner that loves to go out, it helps to alternate your desires. Maybe one night you go out, and the next time you stay in, or go somewhere more low-key, or invite people over to your house to hang out instead of going out.

I’ve found that my sweet spot is just that–going to a friend’s house, or having people to my place, and having some wine or whatever. There’s no loud music making it hard to talk, we are comfortable, and we don’t have to worry about seating or parking or getting a bartender’s attention.

What also helps is that everyone is getting older. Finally, my spouse and friends are catching up to my grandma-like ways. No one is itching to go on a bender, go bar-hopping, or get shit-faced. In fact, that would be kind of embarrassing at my age. I’m so glad those days are over.

So all you introverted, HSP, young twenty-somethings: hang in there. Eventually your friends will become boring more appreciative of low-key evenings just like you! 😉

Top photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc