After going to a party, a group dinner, or hanging out with people, extraverts will often say: Where are we going next?
It reminds me of something my super-extravert husband does that drives me up the wall.
We’ll have a lovely dinner with friends, and we’ve paid the check and are ready to leave, and he says, “Let’s go get some drinks!”
When a group dinner is ending, I’m happy and fulfilled after having spent a nice time chatting with people I like. And now it’s time for the evening to end and go to home. Everything is great.
Why on earth do we need to prolong it? Why take a great night and beat it into the ground?!
I guess his thinking is, “Let’s keep the fun going!”
But my theory is that the longer you stay out, the less fun it gets.
There is a certain point at which everyone has maybe had a drink or two and the conversation is lively and fun. I’m having a great time! But from that apex, it can only go downhill. Someone will start to get tired, or sobers up, or gets too drunk. Or energy starts running out. The bell curve has to run its course.
Introverts frequently dislike hanging out at clubs or noisy, crowded bars.
I believe that extraverts like “going out for a drink” because:
- It’s fun to be around other people!
- I want to get out of the house / get a change of scenery!
- It’s just fun! And stimulating!
These things do not matter to the introverted HSP. Well, I take that back–we can and do enjoy these things…..
- and for brief periods.
If you have an extraverted partner that loves to go out, it helps to alternate your desires. Maybe one night you go out, and the next time you stay in, or go somewhere more low-key, or invite people over to your house to hang out instead of going out.
I’ve found that my sweet spot is just that–going to a friend’s house, or having people to my place, and having some wine or whatever. There’s no loud music making it hard to talk, we are comfortable, and we don’t have to worry about seating or parking or getting a bartender’s attention.
What also helps is that everyone is getting older. Finally, my spouse and friends are catching up to my grandma-like ways. No one is itching to go on a bender, go bar-hopping, or get shit-faced. In fact, that would be kind of embarrassing at my age. I’m so glad those days are over.
So all you introverted, HSP, young twenty-somethings: hang in there. Eventually your friends will become
boring more appreciative of low-key evenings just like you! 😉
Top photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc
Brilliant Bell Curve, Kelly; totally relate to it.
Thanks!! Glad you like it. 🙂
I’m 24 and good god I can’t wait until my friends catch up with me lol 🙂 I’m probably an eighty-something at heart.
I feel exactly the same way!
When I was a little kid, my family emigrated from England to Australia. One of my first memories is going past the ‘pubs’ down the main street of our town and in those days they were male only venues, the ladies had their own room in the back. So you got men who were either on lunch or after work and they were hot sweaty smoking messes so the overwhelming smell was stale alcohol, cigarette smoke and I am going to say it, urine.
I have never willingly gone into another bar or pub in my life. On the one or two occasions I went it was to satisfy other people who wanted to go there. I hate places where the main activity is drinking alcohol. Not only do I feel overwhelmed with the smell and noise, but I am absolutely terrified of people when they get drunk. They are totally unpredictable. As you can imagine I have never been drunk, high or otherwise controlled by a substance.
I sound like an escapee from a nunnery, but I have had such overwhelming experiences as a child and they stayed with me my whole life. It makes me look and sound like a whiny idiot, but that’s who I am. I prefer coffee shops or quiet out of the way restaurants if we absolutely have to eat in public.
Yes!!! Wish I’d had your blog when I was in my 20’s. My husband is the same! He’s always saying about nice new people that we encounter, “Let’s make plans to get together with them!” He’s excited and I’m thinking, “Oh gosh, I’m already overwhelmed with all our social engagements and you’re wanting to pile on more?!” For him, being around new, interesting people juices him up while for me I have to prepare myself for social engagements ahead of time and then unwind after to recover. I DO enjoy making friends but it’s a lot of work for me and CAN be draining.
Thanks for your comment! 🙂
I can so identify with this. I’m older now, and have since have become widowed, but in our younger days I remember encountering this. My husband and I would go out to our yearly couples dinner and the evening never ended after dinner. It was always, let’s go out for drinks after. I hated it so bad. That was well before I knew why. I have so much gratitude for the research that has been done and the fact that now I can put the puzzle pieces together. I didn’t read it, but I saw that you have a blog entry on group vacations. Did that once and swore off the group getaways. Luckily my husband felt the same way, for different reasons, so I didn’t have to encounter it again.