I’m a member of several Facebook groups for HSPs and I see this topic come up a lot: People will describe a co-worker, family member, or a stranger on the internet who says things that they disagree with so strongly that they get angry…and sometimes they verbally fight back. Then those angry feelings linger for a long time. How to cope? [Read more…]
Anger is an emotion, too
June 24, 2014 by 16 Comments
With all this talk about how us HSPs feel emotions so deeply, I’m reminded that not all these emotions are sanguine.
I had a run-in with anger the other day.
Sigh. I don’t want to admit what I’m about to admit, because, of course, in retrospect, it sounds so stupid and irrational.
Last week, I went to the dog beach with my dog and some old friends I haven’t seen in ages. We had a great time and my dog was awesome-she was so funny and everyone loved her as she ran around.
We got home and I bathed her. She behaved so well!
Then, after the bath, she was running around the living room, hopped up on the couch, and peed on the couch with me standing right there.
I was FURIOUS.
She is housetrained. There is no reason for her to pee inside the house, and especially not on the freaking couch. We have wood and tile floors everywhere, so the ONLY place she could f-up would be the couch. My nice couch.
To make things worse, two days earlier she threw up on the couch (after eating beverage coasters during the night!), and I had *just* finished scrubbing and cleaning the cushion thoroughly, only having put it back that day.
And we had had such a great day together!! She had a blast at the beach! I was feeling like a blissful dog owner and then she comes and pisses on the couch right in front of me.
All of these things together led to a red-hot, outrageous, unreasonable anger. I was so fucking furious.
And boy, did I yell at her. I didn’t hit her, but since I’m honest here, there was a part of me that wanted to smack her a little bit. I could feel it burning inside me-and I even recognized what was happening and that it was unreasonable-but I still felt it. I wanted her to know she did something wrong. How the hell could she do this? After we had such a great day? After I give her so much care and love? And after I had just cleaned the cushion? She had just peed outside a half hour ago! She knows better! Why, why, why???
I had to walk away. I told Jim I was so angry that I was almost shaking. I hated the way I felt, I knew it was unreasonable to feel that way, but of course I couldn’t stop it. I felt ashamed, too. How can this happen to me? I knew Jim would help me calm down.
To help me get over it, we left and got dinner outside the house, leaving the pup at home. I hardly said a word for a long time. Finally, the dark cloud started to fade. It was weird-I was worn out from those intense feelings. I was actually tired.
I want to mention that it is extremely rare for me to feel this angry. (btw-I don’t need to be chastised for feeling an urge to thwap my dog. I didn’t follow through with it, so I don’t need the shame. Save it. I already feel bad.)
I think the reason I was so over-the-top angry was because I felt a betrayal. I am very connected to her. We had such an intense day together, experiencing really high highs of fun and joy. Now obviously my dog was not set out to betray me. Of course I know that. But for some stupid reason, I couldn’t help but feel personally hurt when she pissed on the couch. I thought we had an understanding!
If the dog was human, this is what I would have said to her: “After all I do for you-everything-and after having an amazing day together, this is what you do?”
You might be thinking I’m crazy and assigning all sorts of human emotions to an animal. I fully realize this. I know it’s irrational. But my point is that anger isn’t rational. The feeling swept me up like a swelling wave.
A non-HSP probably would have taken the situation for what it was. The dog just had an accident on the couch. They might also be mad, but probably wouldn’t have felt the irrational betrayal and disappointment that I felt. Jim wasn’t angry at all, in fact.
Do you feel anger very intensely?
Do Some Sounds Fill You With Rage? Maybe It’s Misophonia
May 10, 2014 by 11 Comments
Are there certain sounds that trigger extreme annoyance and anger in you?
It could be chewing, footsteps, sniffling, throat clearing, keyboard clicking, crinkly food wrappers, smacking lips, the sound of the letter “P”, slurping, or, really, anything. [Read more…]
Worrying about Worrying: Anxiety Management
March 5, 2014 by 5 Comments
We’ve all heard about anger management-what about anxiety management?
Now, not every highly sensitive person struggles with anxiety, but many of us do.
Anger management teaches people how to understand and acknowledge their feelings and anger. Us anxious folks can teach ourselves to acknowledge when we are starting to go down the rabbit hole of anxiety and worry.
When people feel anxiety coming on, they often rack their brains to find reasons for the symptoms in hopes that they can figure it out and “solve” it. But, often, the source of your heightened emotions isn’t real, so your brain goes in a circle of worry, trying to find the source of the worry, when there isn’t one.
There have been times I’ve tried to explain my anxiety to my husband, and he’s said, “Let me get this straight: you are worrying about worrying?” And I can’t help but laugh, because he’s right.
So, how to manage your anxiety?
When you feel the panic coming on, try to ignore it. Realize what is happening and don’t let it grab on to you. I know this is easier said than done. Once you decide to ignore it, then realize that you need to find a way to relax, immediately.
“This feeling of dread and tension comprises a state of low grade fear, which can also cause other physical symptoms…The feeling of dread is just the emotional manifestation of physical tension.” (source)
I tell myself something like, “Ok, my mind wants me to freak out right now, but I don’t want to let this happen because I hate the way it feels.” Then I focus on taking relaxing breaths and try to find something to distract myself. I will remove myself completely from the situation. If I feel the panic when I’m working on my computer, I’ll get up and walk away. Sometimes I will put on a mindless TV show. Or, I will tell my spouse, “I’m feeling anxious and starting to freak out. Please help.” And he will either help me take my mind off it or we’ll talk about what’s worrying me, and he’ll explain things though his non-anxiety addled brain. It helps a lot to have someone who understands.
This might sound ridiculous, but I remember one particular bad night. I was stressing big time about something. I sat down and watched a few episodes of the claymation kids’ show Shaun the Sheep. It is funny, clever, and most of all, innocent and sweet, and it always makes me smile.
What techniques do you use to manage your anxiety?
