First of all, stop being so hard on yourself.
I’m a Highly Sensitive Person and an introvert. Learning about HSP and introversion helped me better accept who I am and how I am.
Hi, I’m Kelly.
In this blog, I share my experiences and stories, hoping that they will help other people learn to better accept themselves. There is nothing wrong with you. You are normal!
When I first learned about high sensitivity, it was like a huge weight was lifted from me.
I write about environmental sensitivity (i.e., bright lights, loud noise, smells), relationships, travel, jobs, emotions, and careers for HSPs, specifically, introverted HSPs.
I’m the host of the Highly Sensitive Person Podcast (ranked as high as #67 on iTunes!) and the author of the book A Highly Sensitive Person’s Life: Stories & advice for those who experience the world intensely.
What is a Highly Sensitive Person?
Psychologist Elaine Aron’s 1996 book, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You shed light on the world’s understanding of HSPs. She explains that we are easily overwhelmed by things like:
- Bright lights
- Strong smells
- Coarse fabrics
- Nearby sirens or loud noise
- Sensitivity to pain
- Need for withdrawal to a private location for relief from stimulation
- Discomfort with loud noises
- Being easily startled
- Being rattled when having a lot to do in a short amount of time
- Being called sensitive or shy as a child (source)
“HSPs process sensory data more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems. In the past this trait has often been confused with shyness, social anxiety, social phobia and introversion.” Wikipedia
Right now, are you thinking-“Holy moly, that sounds like me”? If so, please click around and explore. Leave a comment and let me know what you think, send me an email, sign up for the twice-monthly newsletter, or check out The Highly Sensitive Person Podcast.
Media inquiries:
This blog has been mentioned in the San Diego Reader, KPBS radio, and on Susan Cain’s QuietRev, Bootsnall, Inc.com, and Making it Anywhere. I’ve been interviewed on HuffPost Live and on podcasts The Overwhelmed Brain, No Totally, Introvert/Extrovert, and Fulfilling Life’s Yearnings. You can contact me here.
Hi, I read your article in SD Reader. I loved. I want to read much more. And I opened your page, I’m here here now. But you know.. Sometimes we have a lot of works.. And we forget read.. I’m always use email subscribe good for me. Please use Feedburner https://wordpress.org/plugins/feedburner-email-subscription/ It’s good for your followers!
Thank you. Please keep going. Your writing style ver good. Best wishes, Ahmet
Hi Ahmet, thanks for your comment. I added an RSS feedburner thing to the right side column. I hope that is what you were talking about! Thanks for the suggestion.
Hi there, I’m Heather
I just found your blog and can’t get enough (I’m at work right now but not getting much work done since I keep opening different articles in new tabs …I have about 20 different tabs open right now *haha* 😀
Anyways, I wanted to say thanks for this blog - sometimes just knowing you’re not alone can mean the world. Especially to people like us; I remember when I read the first few chapters of “The Highly Sensitive Person” and just kept nodding in agreement - it was so refreshing to have an actual Psychologist recognize how I had felt my ENTIRE life and never knew anything about the fact that it’s actually a ‘condition’ (or whatever), and that I’m not just a freak as I had been feeling my entire life.
I have to thank you for the laughs too - especially the one where about ‘shopping alone’ - my husband always teases me about that, but now I see that it’s not just me !!! 😀 So awesome. I can’t wait to read more. I am SO glad I found your site, thanks again for creating it !!
Awesome, Heather!! This is so nice! I’m thrilled the site has been helpful to you.
Thank you for your great site!!! Love it!!! It is so great to read about other hsp’s and how they handle the world. I have to nod a lot when I read what you write:) and laugh a lot when I recognize myself:) i will keep following you,keep up the good work:)
Thank you for your website. I recently have started to believe that I may be a highly sensitive person and as another reader said “its nice to knowing you’re not alone” and also nice knowing you’re not strange just different. I just found your site and through it I have seen some helpful tips and books I’m going to look into that may help with everyday life. Keep doing what your doing you bring realism and humor to something most people don’t understand.
Thanks Steph, I’m so glad the site has been helpful to you! Please let me know what other books and resources you find to be beneficial!
Hello. I appreciate this website and the newsletters. I like to read them when I am feeling down. They lift my spirits and let me know that I am not alone. The things you say are so spot on, it’s like they came out of my mouth. Especially the things about bad work environments for HSP’s.
Hello Sid, and thank you so much for the lovely comment. The whole reason I have this blog is for comments like yours.
I am happy I could help you in any way.
My people!!! I am a HSP married to a HSP - we are both very careful to give each other the “space” we both need. I am ( thankfully) retired now, and love being at home as it really is my Sanctuary from the outside world, lol. Love this site and will be a regular here, so much thanks !!
Hi Marijoy, I’m thrilled you like the site. Welcome! I’ve been working from home for a while now so I totally understand the “sanctuary” aspect.
Hi Kelli,
I would like to support a similar or mirror version of your blog in Spanish. We can talk offline about this if you prefer, just let me know how can I contact you.
Hi Sonia, thank you for the comment. My email is kelly@highlysensitiveperson.net.
I really enjoy reading everyone’s posts here. I can relate the majority of the time and I scored high as an HSP. And, although the discovery of being an HSP is pretty new to me, I’ve been learning more about myself with the Myers Briggs personality types for a bit longer. So I am curious, does anyone else here know what their MBTs are? I’m INFP.
Can you believe it-I don’t know mine!!!
I’m and INFP too
Last time I took the test, I was an INTJ or ISTJ, but I think INFP is a common one for HSPs. I attribute mine to years of fighting off my intuitive/feeling side and a career in computer science, but more recently I’m trying to appreciate that part of myself because fighting it off just resulted in extreme anxiety and depression.
Thanks for the blog, Kelly, and I can’t wait to read more and hear the podcast. I can relate to all of what I’m seeing in just the post titles… gotta go find out what the “shopping alone” thing is because that sounds like me too!
Welcome Amy!! I’m glad you like it so far. I hope you enjoy the podcast!
Hi Dayna,
I am INFP also.
Cheers,
Linda
I am too!
Hello Kelly,
Found your podcasts (via ipp podcast player for android) which lead me to your website and blog! What you are doing is amazing, and I wanted to stop by and say thanks for filling a niche and also sharing Dr. Aron’s research. (And yes I scored very high on the self test). Subscribed! :-).
Char
Thank you, Char! So glad you found the blog & podcast useful
Hi Kelly,
I love what you have shared here. Having studied HSP traits this last year I have become acutely aware that my sensitivities have greatly increased in the last 5 years. Thank you for bringing to light the HSS traits that Elaine Aron has discovered. It explains a lot about the personal struggles I have with myself. I score off the charts as a HSP/HSS. This knowledge is an eye opener for both me and my husband and explains why I’ve been praying for patience for myself lately. Keep up the great work 😉
Thanks so much, Johnnie!!
Dear Kelly,
Thank you for being you.
Over the past 10 years of my life, I have been on an insane roller coaster ride. I have been coming to the internet time and again to try to find people such as myself, answers about myself and ways to be confident in who I am. Many times my mission would turn up with unsatisfying information and resources - but this time I found this website. I - we are so lucky.
Please keep the humor, positivity and information coming. I hope to contribute as you have. I want to empower HSPs as I have needed to empower and respect myself.
Soo, thanks so much for your note. I feel like I’m just the messenger and hope I can help other people like learning about high sensitivity helped me. I really appreciate your kind words and they keep me going
So I recently discovered your podcast, maybe about a month ago, and I have to be honest at first I was a little skeptical. It seemed interesting so I decided to give it a try, and I’m so glad I did! I’ve always thought that I’m just weird, or as everyone in my life likes to say, a drama queen. I have always reacted strongly to a lot of stuff around me when it seemed like no one else was really impacted. There are some things I don’t seem to have a problem with, like most violent tv shows and movies and I actually love horror movies. On the other had there is also so much I completely agree with you on, like loud noises, and my coworkers are constantly scaring me by just coming up to my cubical to talk. Thankfully they are really nice people and understand my sensitivity and its a running joke in my office that you don’t want to scare me or I’ll get an asthma/ panic attack combo (which actually happened one time.) The episode I loved the most was your episode about animals and how you feel connected to them and I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth. I once hit a possum on my way home from work and I cried my eyes out my whole way home and everyone I tell that to gets really confused, they’re like its just a possum what’s your problem but I was so upset that I had hurt it. Now I just feel like I’m rambling so I apologize I just feel like I have so much to say. I mostly just wanted to say thank you for putting a voice to my thoughts that I’ve had my whole life and being that reassuring voice that I’m not the only person that is super sensitive.
Elizabeth, thank so much for your comment. Similarly, I remember hitting a raccoon with my car in college (it was dark outside, I didn’t see him until his face was in the headlights immediately before it happened) and I remember my face was frozen in horror then entire drive home. I can still remember it so clearly!
I’m happy that the podcast resonates with you. Definitely not every “symptom” of HSP applies to everyone-for example, I am not bothered by itchy fabrics whereas some HSPs are extremely sensitive to them. Stay in touch and let me know if there’s anything in particular you want to hear about!
I’ve been poking around on your site — it’s so informative! Glad to know that I’m not the only person who is so sensitive! Thanks for all the posts, they are incredibly helpful & insightful
I just found your website today, after reading an article on hellogiggles… and I’m so glad I did. I’ve ALWAYS believed there was something extremely wrong with me. Even though I haven’t had time to really explore the website, I can’t even express how much relief I felt just by knowing that there are others like me, that I wasn’t just born with some sort of crazy defect that made me feel so different from those around me… I have tears rolling down my face as I type this. I’m just really so relieved. Thank you.
Hi Bella, thanks for your kind words! Welcome to a world where you are not weird!!!!
Hi Kelly. First of all, I’d like to thank you for this website. I’ve always wondered what was wrong with me, mostly because of my extremes emotions. No one understands why I get more emotional than most people. And it’s not always a good thing because I can feel people’s pain so intensely. My heart breaks often, and not just from break ups, but because I feel others pain so intensely. My sisters dog died and I felt her pain so strongly it broke my heart. Thanks for creating a website I can come to for guidance and support.
Hi Kelly,
Thank you for your podcast and website! My husband is a highly sensitive person and it’s wonderful to hear your episodes and learn more about the way he works. I’ve also discovered that I have some highly sensitive traits, but in different and complimentary ways. I look forward to learning more through your insights! Both my husband and I are really enjoying it.
Thank you Lauren!!
Hi Kelly,
Just wanted to pass along my appreciation for all the work you put in to this blog and the podcasts. It matters and is so nice to know I’m not alone. I always wondered what was wrong with me growing up. I’m 6’2″, played football, and could bench press 300 lbs at one point, but never really felt like one of the “guys” despite all the effort (hopefully that doesn’t sound conceited). I’ve always been so emotional and introspective, and it’s taken me a long time to accept those qualities in myself. Anyway, thanks again and looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts.
Best,
Jake
Hi Jake, thanks for sharing. You sound like quite the catch! Congrats on having the strength to accept your sensitivity when it can be more difficult for men. I’m so glad you have found the blog & podcast useful!!
Hi Kelly,
I just discovered your blog and it’s…a relief. I am grateful that you are creating awareness. For the last year, I have been treated for ADD (& depression). However, I am not positive now though, that this is really what it is. HSP seems to “fit” better but the characteristics are so similar when compared. Do you have any insights into this topic?
Being a HSP can feel so isolating. Thank you Kelly, for creating a safe space where we can be ourselves. These are my people! I feel at home here. <3
I am the father of a stunningly beautiful 18 year old girl who is hsp and depressed. She has recently come out of a bad relationship and has very low self esteem. She has very few friends and the main one she hangs out with is a bad influence with many major problems of her own to deal with. My daughter has been seeing a physcologist for months and is undergoing treatment. We would prefer she didn’t take anti-depressants and instead provided SAME plus she has had many sessions with a naturopath and has undertaken numerous tests and has been given specific vitamins and minerals tailored to her. Rather than working on learning how to cope my daughter has been feeling sorry for herself and has a pattern of self destructive behaviour. As parents we are just about at our wits end, we are good parents and have been doing everything possible to help but we have been to hell and back over the last 12 months. There are no signs of improvement. My big questions to this blog is ….if my daughter is HSP shouldnt or wouldnt she be sensitive to hurting her parents that love and care for her so much? Instead we are treated very poorly quite frequently, she feels bad about doing it after the event, we sort it out, yet it happens again and again.
Hi David, thanks for sharing. If your daughter is on anti-depressants, it sounds like this is more than being highly sensitive. I am not a therapist nor am I qualified to comment on mental disorders, and I wouldn’t want to say something out of ignorance that could be detrimental. It sounds like you have taken many steps to help her (therapy, etc) and I would recommend asking the psychiatrist or her doctors for further treatment options. I am so sorry that your family is suffering.
She is not on anti depressants - it has been suggested by the physciatrist that she may need them to cope with a lot of the unhappiness she has created in her life. She has not been diagnosed with a mental disorder. She has been diagnosed HSP. I only wonder why she is not highly sensitive to the hurt her behaviour causes others???
I apologize if I misunderstood about the anti-depressants. I have never heard of HSP as a diagnosis. It is a trait without “cure” or treatment-basically because it is not something that it is “wrong” or needs to be cured. I find it an odd thing for a medical professional to “diagnose”. I think there is more going on here and it is not wise for me to make assumptions or try to help beyond my knowledge or expertise. I guess I would say to go back to the dr. who diagnosed her as HSP and ask for clarification-or even get a second opinion. As to why a HSP wouldn’t be aware of the hurt she is causing to others-this is also why I think there is more going on here than just a sensitive person-like if there is depression or other factors involved.
I am now doing some personal research into therapists diagnosing HSP….I will let you know if I learn anything.
I just found this website and the comments from David are setting off so many alarm bells for me I don’t know where to start. I am in my 50s and in the last few years have discovered that I am an HSP and that my life long struggle with depression stems from having General Anxiety Disorder. David ‘s story takes me me back to those painful years living with self loathing, fear, worry, guilt, frustration and anger living with parents who are totally self focused and unable to feel sympathy and compassion for the pain that their daughter is living with.
Describing his daughter as ” feeling sorry for herself” and that she has created her own unhappiness shows a total lack of empathy and concern for her emotional struggles. It’s hard enough being a teenager, let alone a highly sensitive one with low self esteem and apparently little emotional support from family or friends.
He says they are good parents yet he is putting his own emotional needs ahead of his daughter’s needs for unconditional love and support, going on about how they are being hurt and being “treated poorly” when his daughter is in so much pain she’s being self destructive. Why doesn’t he want to try everything possible to help her, such as antidepressants? If she developed diabetes would he deny her insulin? Would he blaim her for getting diabetes like he’s blaiming her for having mental health issues?
There is information online on how people can support loved ones with mental health issues, what to say and not to say. Counselling can help people improve their relationships by learning how to listen and how to be sympathetic and compassionate, skills which we are not born with. I sincerely hope this family gets the help that they need.
She may have Borderline Personality Disorder. Please check out my website for more information on BPD: https://makebpdstigmafree.wordpress.com/ I am currently in recovery from BPD. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) helped me. Check it out.
Hi Kelly - I found your website after listening to your podcast entry on Paul Colaiani’s Overworked Brain website. I have to say that you have described me to a tee! I have always known that I am a highly sensitive person, but never knew quite how to identify it until I heard it put into perspective.
I have always wondered why things that normally don’t bother others seem to get me upset, why I obsess over past events I cannot change and write incredible “stories” about what likely won’t happen in the future, why I am easily knocked off-center by external stimuli and distractions, why I’m fatigued after my brain has been running all day, etc. Cognitive therapy (rationalization) has helped me a great deal, although I’m still working on it. Now I have a much idea of exactly what “it” is. Thank you for starting this website and podcast, and keep up the great work!
Dan
Dan D recently posted…SHOW #2 - Practical Resolve for the New Year (Podcast)
Dan, thanks so much for the comment! I just did some reading on cognitive therapy and I’m going to have to look into it further-very interesting. Your description of yourself sounded so familiar (me)! I’m so glad this site has helped you
Thank you for the kind words Kelly! I hope you don’t mind - I’ve added a summary of and link to this website on my Reflections on Growth site. I believe you provide a very valuable resource for those of us who deal with high sensitivity on a daily basis. I look forward to reading and listening to your insights. Have a Great Day!
Dan D recently posted…SHOW #2 - Practical Resolve for the New Year (Podcast)
Thanks so much for listing me, Dan! I appreciate it.
You’re amazing - thank you. You have such a kind, gentle voice and explain things to a detail that helps me make sense of my life.
I love your podcast - thanks for doing what you do. I just wanted to post a show suggestion. Parenting as a HSP. I am a HSP and an introvert. While my 10 yr old is similar to me, my 7 Yr old is a total extrovert. I live in a very upscale, social suburb and the play dates, sports event and party invites are overwhelming. It would be great to hear s show on how HSP’s can cope and get through these very active parenting years.
Thank you, Margaret! I will consider your suggestion for sure. I don’t have any kids so I would need to get some good advice on this.
What I am looking for are coping strategies, especially in my relationship. My boyfriend is not an HSP. He is very outgoing, boisterous, loud. He likes to vent and laugh loudly, and oftentimes I interpret some of his ranting as a criticism of something I have done. I am exhausted from worrying if the lunch I made was okay, if he needs something from me, if he is upset about something. Of course, I do this with my (grown) children, my boss, my customers! It feels like my heart is sore all the time, as though there is something wrong with me. And is it part of being an HSP that when I do interpret a possibly innocent remark as a criticism, to sometimes lash back in defense of myself? That is the one thing I need help with. To be able to pause and interpret…”is this my HSP, or is this really a criticism?” That ability alone would improve my life in so many ways! I spend days thinking my boss is angry about something, when everything may be perfectly fine. It is important I figure this out if I want my current romantic relationship to succeed. I have been trying to find a counselor or therapist in my area who has experience with HSP, and have been unable to locate anybody. I am hopeful this type of forum will provide practical information that I can really put into action everyday!
Vicky recently posted…HSP Podcast Episode #30: Politeness
Hi Vicky, thank you for sharing. How does your boyfriend respond when you talk about being highly sensitive? I have a few posts on this blog that address some issues you mentioned..they might be helpful.
The importance of caring less at your job
A conversation with your non-HSP partner
How to Explain Being an HSP to Your Partner
7 tips to deal with the challenges of High sensitivity
Wow! I’m not alone! I just stumbled upon the term “Highly Sensitive Person” on Pinterest and it opened the door to a world I never knew existed. A world where people understand me and I don’t have to be ashamed. I will be a frequent visitor to this site.
Hi Kelly, thank you so much for creating and maintaining this awesome website! You are obviously dedicated to helping people understand the HSP concept and themselves. You have created a caring, supportive, online community with lots of useful advice, insightful explanations, and creative ideas. What a huge accomplishment! It is such a profound relief to know that I am not alone. I send you my heart-felt appreciation! Carol
Thank you so much, Carol!!!
Hi Kelly,
What an amazing resource this site is! Thank you for all you’ve done here. I’m wondering if you may be interested in checking out my online offering called Empowered Sensitivity? It’s a three week course designed to help people who still feel that their sensitivity is a curse. Someone in your community may resonate. You can check out some information here if it is of any interest. http://portlandsynergy.com/why-feeling-yourself-is-the-bomb-diggity/
much gratitude,
Patricia
Patricia recently posted…Empowered Sensitivity Intensive – What It Is And Who May Need It
Kelly,
Just found your podcast and website. I am new to the hsp stuff, but after years of psychiatrists, psychologists, failed medications and “almost, but not quite” diagnoses I stumbled across Dr. Aron’s videos and a light went off! I started to make sense to myself for the first time. Coupled with finding my mbti type as INFP, my wife and I have finally found a framework that makes sense.
Your podcasts have been great so far - through episode 5. I look forward to catching up. Thanks for putting this together!
Thanks so much Danny!! I’m so glad you like the site and podcast.
Welcome to the world of HSPs!!
Do you think HSP and chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia could go hand in hand? There are some similarities.
Dr. Elaine Aron addresses that question here, much better than I ever could: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/2May12.htm
Thank you so much for this website and podcast! I am a big fan!
One question — I was wondering if you happen to know of any resources that address pregnancy and the HSP? I am recently married, late 20s, and my husband and I are beginning to talk about starting a family. However, I am absolutely terrified of being pregnant and giving birth! I cannot read any medical articles or pregnancy books because I start to feel like I’m going to faint, and having my blood taken is always a disaster! I’d like to gain some peace of mind by hearing from other HSPs who have experienced having a baby, but I haven’t been able to find much with a simple google search.
Thank you so much for anything you can throw my way!
Hi Kelly,
Thank you so much, for your blogposts. Now I know, I am not the only one.
Tears in my eyes.
Big thanks from me, in the Netherlands
Thank you Sarina!!
Hi Kelly,
I’m so glad I came across your podcast and blog! I didn’t know there was a term for the reason I feel so different compared to other people. Now I know! I have a work related question. How do you “deal” with a coworker who is the extreme opposite of an HSP? I’ve talked to her about HSP and how I appreciate the “freedom” with work. For example, much of the work I do can be done at home or in a coffee shop and I would rather do it there. I don’t mind the work necessarily (I’m also a student so I know this is not my career) but I hate that she expects me to be in the office all day everyday. Because I am a student I am closed off in a tiny office with no windows so I feel trapped! My boss doesn’t seem to care where I do the work as long as it gets done but this coworker is making my life hell by “requesting” to my boss that I be in the office and that I give her a schedule of when I’ll be there. Every fiber in my being is screaming in protest! I feel like I am bound by the schedule I gave her and have no freedom. It feels like I am under house arrest and have an ankle bracelet on. I like waking up in the morning and deciding what and where I want to work…not having it planned out for the whole month. She doesn’t understand that being in this office makes me feel trapped and makes me anxious and just because she likes a set schedule (in her office with a window) I don’t operate that way! I like flexibility and spontaneity. I’m in a PhD program so I think it’s safe to say I have a pretty decent work ethic that got me this far. I just wish she understood I will get the work done that needs to be done but I’d prefer to sit outside under a damn tree rather than fluorescent lights and 4 white walls. This has turned into a rant and I apologize but it is so hard working with someone who is completely opposite from me and is so set in her ways and rigid that she thinks my “way” is wrong. It’s also frustrating that although she is not my actual boss I am supposed to “answer/report” to her so bringing this dilemma up with my actual boss worries me. I keep reminding myself that I am leaving for the summer and when I return I only have a year left with her…but a year with her and a dissertation is going to be absolute hell! Do you have any other tips for working with people who are complete opposites of HSPs?
Thanks so much!
Meredith
Hi Meredith. I felt frustrated just reading this! The whole time I was wondering-why can’t you talk to your boss? But then you mentioned that you report to this other person. That is the challenge. If the problem-person is your superior, you can try to calmly explain your desires, but sadly there isn’t much else you can do. I have learned that I can’t expect my bosses to change or to work the way *I* want them to work. It sucks. I know this is not the answer you (or anyone) wants to hear. HOWEVER….if the problem-person *isn’t* really your boss, then you should talk to your real boss. Try to get a feel for whether s/he is understanding of your work needs. If they seem receptive, then push for what you want. If they aren’t receptive, you may have to just bear it. Try to explain that some people thrive in chaos and noise and others thrive in quiet and outdoors, etc etc. If appropriate, maybe you could share this interesting article:
http://articles.bplans.com/how-to-manage-quiet-introverted-employees/
Awesome! Thanks Kelly!
Kelly, you are an angel, dear. I have been led to your site by God via personal exploration and being pissed off about hearing about how sensitive I am. Now that I know I’m an HSP, it’s all starting to make a lifetime of sense to me. The first major change that will be made sooner than late is getting out of law enforcement. I don’t hate the job, but something about it doesn’t seem to fit me as an HSP….
More later…
Keith
Thank you Keith!! I’m so happy this helped you!
Hi Kelly,
Thanks so much for creating your blog and podcast on HSPs and sharing your thoughts and opinions! I’ve been quite sensitive my whole life, and so many of your thoughts have rung true for me. It’s been quite hard for me since I don’t have many friends or acquaintances that can relate or understand my sensitivity. Sometimes people tell me “Don’t be so sensitive” or “Stop worrying about things so much” but I feel that my sensitivity is simply a part of who I am. Especially as a guy, I sometimes felt that people looked down upon me for it and I wondered whether I would be able to find close friends and romantic relationships like everyone else.
But your podcast has helped me love and accept who I am exactly the way I am. And I can’t express how comforting it is to know that there are quite a few others out there who think a lot of the thoughts that I do. And you have also helped me to adjust to the rest of the world, and to try and be more accepting of the times when people aren’t sensitive of my feelings. Thanks so much for posting and I can’t wait to see what you post next ^.^
Hello Kelly, love your blog and podcasts, and your willingness to question, investigate, learn, grow and put yourself out there all towards furthering your self-acceptance. Your site has helped me all to that end on my journey, thank you.
One of my earliest memories that I now realize was probably due to my HSP, was being in first or second grade, and being outside in the early evening after a huge thunder storm. The colors of the sky, the cloud formations and god-rays were just overwhelming, I stood there in awe for the longest time. I’m 63 and can still see it in my mind clearly today.
Having suffered from social anxiety disorder and perfectionism for years, which I have resolved, I’m wondering what you think of the connections with both and HSP?
Omg thank you for blogging and for opening discussions in which we can bounce ideas off of each other and share experiences. Everytime I check in on your articles and the comments, I get another little puzzle piece to help me figure out what is happening in my mind and in my body. All this newfound knowledge is empowering and provides great relief. And the links which you provide to other resources are also greatly appreciated. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
Thank you for the kind comment, Monica! I feel the same way-like I am always finding pieces to the puzzle for myself
Hello,
I want to thank you for what you’re doing and for all support and information regarding introversion and HSP. I found out I was introverted (INTJ) long ago but your help gave me the proper understanding of my HSP side which is very physical: I literally have social hangovers after social interactions, including headaches, sensitivity to light and noise, dizziness and feeling my head tired and like still “asleep”. I thought it was a neurological illness of some sort but your website gave me the answer. Keep up the good work! I would certainly read more about introverted HSP in confrontation with others, because I experienced a lot of bullying from some people who “detected” my high sensitivity. Also my cutting stress-generating conversations with non-empathic people have been mistaken for hostility and aggression. This what I would like to find help with - how to cope with misunderstanding, to feel it less painful.
Thank you once again for everything!
Dear Kelly!
I really like your blog and the information you’re providing!
I’m a psychologist (from Vienna) writing a blog about holistic psychology and alternatives to psychiatric drugs and I recommended your page in an article acout HSP. Hopefully some of my german-speaking readers will find it
Sending best wishes from Vienna! Monica
Thank you, Monica! I’m so glad you like this blog and found it worthy of sharing with your clients! Danke
Hi Monica,
A friend of mine, living in Vienna would like to find a psychologist who knows about the HSP trait. Do you have a website, an email address…Something where she could reach you?? she could really use some help at the moment!
Thanks a lot!!!
Amandine
I don’t know if all of my ‘interesting’ behaviors fall under HSP, but I do know - thanks to your Podcasts especially - that a great many of them do. A huge wave of relief swept me as I realized that HSP is me!
Hard to believe it’s taken me this long to acknowledge that I don’t fit in with the dominant American culture. I never liked huge parties or clubs in college, but I went anyway. The result was lots of suffering!
I feel like I’m finally living in my own land, instead of living in the Land of Others. Thank you so much Kelly!
Thanks for the comment, Em! I’m so glad you like the show.
Hi Kelly,
Great blog! I would love to talk to you about your experiences with hsp, for a magazine feature I’m writing. Drop me a line and I’d be happy to tell you more!
Kind regards,
Sarah
Hi Kelly,
must this is very hard form me write about my self but my desire to find proper definition of my self is stronger. Couple week ago I found term HSP and find many similarity of me in it but not all. I don’t know is this proper way, but please tell me your opinion. I’m now 47 years and still feel something missing in my life. Since was child I have strong feeling about justice, truth if it was something unfair instantly had some sensation in my body about it. In my child world best time for me was reading something or be with my dog siting together watching stars, always have idea how to make something, improve something … mostly like to be alone, always have the best solutions and children don’t like to much if somebody is smarter ..they call me philosopher.. I had opinion on everything even if is something was new for me I had feeling and opinion about it.. In mid of my life I start practicing Reiki and was really good.. if somebody come I find my self very easily find the core of problems, many times people ask me…how are you know that or just talking and know exactly on what area of persons life we must talk.. If I had feeling I should ask I simple ask, If I had feeling I should to tell, I just tell. Many people I was helped and I loved to do helping but in same time still feeling to miss something and It’s start to hurting me inside if somebody don’t want to do something for them self.. I put all my energy to help them so they can see what is best solution or what they must to resolve with past , where is the situation hurt them , etc and to do homework they giving up and I was drain … leave Reiki decide to be alone… so now to many thing is falling apart, I quit my job, move to another country, my marriage is in trouble… still waiting for something, still avoid loudness, still avoid to many people, like to be alone, all time feeling tired, need to much sleep but still I know the best for other but not for my self, dont’t have fear to try something new …. give me situation to resolve and my energy is high all on it .. this is something gives me hope, this is something I just simple know solution or how to find answers … now I realised that HSP can be thing why I was good in Reiki, why I don’t like bosses, why I like my time when suits to me, why change so often my mood … BUT STILL DON’T KNOW HWO I AM AND WHAT TO DO … Can you please tell me … sorry to long post . Best regards Krizan
Hello Krizan, thank you for your comment. You are not alone. A lot of us still don’t know who we are and what we should do, even when we are fully grown adults who “should” have things figured out by now. I urge you to speak with a therapist or someone who can lend a helpful ear to what you are experiencing. I am not able to tell you who are, because I am not a trained professional nor do I know enough about you. I think it is normal to wonder why you are different and why things matter to you that don’t matter to others. It seems you have find some great benefits to your sensitivity, like Reiki. Try to remember that you have wonderful qualities and give yourself a break-don’t be too hard on yourself. Talk to yourself in your head as you would talk to other people. And please speak to someone if you are really feeling lost and sad-they can help you feel better, as you deserve.
Dear Kelly,
I’m a 44 year-old woman from Brazil.
I’ve just found out that I’m a HSP. It was life changing!
I’ve been listening your podcasts since them… one each day. Today I listened #39.
It feels great to get to know that are other people just like me. I don’t feel lonely anymore.
I never got enough support from my family and things turned worse last year. I got depressed and had a lot of bad thoughts.
Your podcasts are helping me a lot!
I’d like to know if I could translate parts of your posts in order to make possible for other HSP brazilians to learn a little bit more (few brazilians are able to read texts in english).
Anyway, I admire you, your work and everything you share with us.
Thank you very much!
Silvia
Silvia Souza recently posted…Citação: Martha Medeiros
I have written a blog post about some of the challenges and insights that come from being a highly sensitive introvert and choosing a seemingly extroverted career. I am a musician, which sometimes means spending many hours alone practicing or writing scores on my computer, or teaching students one-on-one in a quiet room. But it also means getting up on stage regularly in front of hundreds or even thousands of people and holding their attention and excitement. I would be honoured if you would read more here: http://asirambled.com/2015/09/02/being-in-control/
Hi Kelly,
I’m a highly sensitive person, and I recently entered my second year in college. I go to Penn State, and it’s really great here. But one thing I know is that I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’ve been on the steps to becoming an engineer, but now I don’t know if that’s something I want. I’m very unhappy with my schedule because it is all math and physics, and I realized I don’t like it. I feel like I just can’t find the right career. But then I listened to your podcast about what jobs HSP’s would like, and I think you’re right. Self employment is the right way to go. This got me thinking so much. I want to be self employed, but I just don’t know how I would do that. I think it sounds scary, like how? Where? What kind of business would I run? Where should I go? These are the questions I ask myself.
I want to do something related to history, or biology, or psychology, or space, with animals, and I like to work with my hands. I LOVE to travel. I think one day I would love to create a movie. I’ve always thought about writing, but never affiliated with it. I want to leave an impression on people, and show them what I’m passionate about. I think it would be fun making a restaurant business, seeing people you know for a short time and then seeing them again, and then watching your business flourish. I have aunts and uncles who own restaurants too. But how? How do I put all of these, or some of these, together into a career? Which do I pick?
I think the only thing holding me back from departing the engineer career is… will I find a job? Will I fail when creating my own business? What lays ahead? It’s really the unknown that scares me the most. I know my brain is tricking me, but it’s quite a trick because I fall for it every time.
There’s one thing I really enjoy about this whole process, and that is myself. I embrace my highly sensitive qualities. I think being highly sensitive is a gift. I see through people, feel other’s emotional responses, and think very deeply. They are the qualities that keep me open minded and free of any form of captivity, and keep me running. These qualities connect me into the world. Humans breathe and live with emotion and love, and I’m proud I naturally emphasize those qualities. But how do I translate these qualities into something I can work for, for the rest of my life? This is the fundamental question that I am asking you today. I would appreciate any response you give.
Thank you
Hi Marco, thanks for your comment. You are asking a difficult question that I think most of us have struggled with! What should we do for a living, and will we succeed? I have asked myself the same exact questions. I will comment on a few things. I also was obsessed with travel. In this episode (http://highlysensitiveperson.net/episode50/) I touch on travel a bit-many people say, “I want to TRAVEL” but for most of us, “travel” isn’t a goal. How much “travel” will you be satisfied with? The same thing goes for hobbies and jobs. We often think, “I hate my job/course of study. If ONLY I could do XYZ, then I’d be happy”. We have these aspirations of what will make us happy-but that aren’t actual goals. We can’t reach goals we never set, so we are never satisfied, we just keep hoping for this better life that is impossible to achieve. Another thing-we often hear that we should follow our passions, or if you “do what you love you never work a day in your life”. If you look at this: http://bit.ly/1K4UEXX you’ll see why a lot of people disagree with that advice. Say that you pursue writing because you love it, but once you have deadlines and are required to do it, it becomes difficult and a chore (i.e. WORK), not the perfect life of following your bliss. So even things you love can become a slog after a while. There’s nothing to say you can’t still become an engineer and still pursue other hobbies and passions. Or perhaps you could switch to a different kind of engineering? Or change your course of study completely. The key is: we can never know what lays ahead. No one can tell you what will happen in your future. So you might as well believe that you are a smart enough, capable enough person to make things work no matter what you do-engineering or not.
I am 33 years old.
My whole life I have been told and treated as though there is something wrong with who I am. People don’t want to be friends, my family never wanted me around. People just in general I feel do not want me to be around.
I HATE ME! I hate that people hurt me so much and that I care so much. I hate crying at the little things. I just want to be strong! However, I do not know what that word means. No one gets me but me. However, sometimes I don’t even get me! Sometimes I annoy myself! Anyone else feel that way?
I could go on and on….
I am glad to know that I am no longer alone. Are there any more support group on facebook?
Hi Sara, thanks for your comment and I’m sorry to hear you are hurting. I have to say I haven’t hunted down any online support groups but I bet they are out there. You may want to look into groups on meetup.com-Look for your area and search for support groups.
When reading your comment, I thought of something powerful I read in the book Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Think about the way you talk to yourself-you might say to yourself, “I’m so stupid, I hate myself, why can’t I be normal?” or things like that. But then ask yourself this: would you say those things to someone else? Would you talk to another person like that? No. So why do we talk like that to ourselves? If we were talking to someone else, we’d probably be gentle, give the person a break, give them the benefit of the doubt. Yet we are hyper critical of ourselves. So instead of being so harsh to yourself, try to be gentle. Know that you are doing the best you can, that you are learning, that you’ll do better next time, and that maybe other people are the ones who are wrong, not you. You are definitely not alone, you are not wrong, you are worthy of friendship and love. I’m glad you are here.
Dear Kelly,
thank you for your precious work!
For around two years now I know that I am HSP, what gave me relief, bc now I understand why I got so angry in many situations and I try to find a way coping with this. One of my methods is to try to shut out everything, when I know overwhelming situations are ahead of me like being focused and just “bear” uncomfortable situations. When I enter untidy places (public) I try to be like an hedgehog, trying to endure the discomfort. This is my way to survival being in a big city. I am prone to smells, sounds, crowds, everything typical for HSP. Lately I asked myself if this “method” maybe makes me less sensitive like before? Bc I try so hard to protect myself that maybe I cannot receive anymore the moods of people? Actually, I do not want to loose my sensitivity, as I understand this as a great asset to my skillset. On the other hand, this trying to “bear” and “endure” takes also a lot of energy and I feel drained anyway. Does some of these sound familiar?
Greetings
Hi blueberry, thanks for your comment. Yes, it sounds familiar-trying to “endure” takes a TON of energy! Just remember to give yourself breaks and time to yourself. If you’ve had a stressful day, see if you can take time to read a book, take a quiet walk, or do another quiet, peaceful activity to recharge!
I’m new to podcasts and I’m SO thankful I came across you on The Overwhelmed Brain and instantly signed up for your website. Coming to your site and listening to your words feels like coming home.
Thank you!! I’m so glad you like it.
Good morning everyone, I like to write in your excellent blog so as to get my day of right. Writing in this blog is like coming home again ( I know, it sounds very much like a cliche ) I would like say to everyone out there to have a great day and to remember that you are special and a smile from one of us can brighten anyone’s day.
Go out and smell that rose, marvel at the beautiful blue sky, see how amazing a bird is while in flight, go to the ocean and watch it’s raw and awsom power, these things always help me to relax and recover. Love joy and happiness from your friend Alberto.
Hello Kelly,
I am so excited to have stumbled across your work. I’ve enjoyed two of your podcasts so far and look forward to the rest. I may stumble upon my answer as I absorb the rest of your material, but I wonder if you have any suggestions for someone who tends to be “jerk” magnet? I seem to attract people, particularly co-workers, who have no patience for my sensitivity. I have been told time and again to “grow a thicker skin” because I am just too sensitive. If I mention that someone has been out of line I am told to “get over it, that’s the way the world works”. This I can not believe. I refuse to accept that the norm is to be confrontational, callous, and rude. And yet, I face these behaviors constantly. Any advice would be most welcome.
Thank you so much for all that you do!
When I was looking up suggestions for jobs with quiet environments, I managed to find your blog! I’m not sure if I’m a Highly Sensitive Person. I already have OCD, and I am an introvert, so it’s kind of hard for me to tell what’s what. When I took the self test, I clicked on ten things and the test mentioned fourteen being more close. Is there a way to have a definite answer? I often don’t trust self testing because it’s very easy to start imagining that one has all the symptoms listed.
Thank you so much Kelly, for sharing. I have just found your podcasts and site and I am feeling better already. I have suffered so long with feeling isolated and ‘different’. Family have described me as ‘mad’. I am feeling connected and finding the positives to feeling so deeply. Great work!
Thanks, Joan!!
Dear Kelly. I started listening to your series of podcasts over the Christmas Holidays. That time of year always overwhelms me without fail. I am SO GLAD that I found you! Almost everything you mention resonates with me - I don’t feel so darn alone when I listen to your programs. For that, I say “Thank You” from my heart. While at work I am able to listen to your podcasts since I do a good deal of data entry. What a welcome solution to my anxious feelings at work as I am in a small office with 4-5 others. I soak up their emotions like a sponge. Please keep up the great work that you are doing.
I do have a suggestion for a topic - I have not been able to find much information on HSP’s who have a tough time in cars. I experience an overload fear, panic, and anxiety if I go for longer periods of time on a freeway. Seems the faster we go, the more anxious I become. I have a fear of driving on the freeway, so I don’t, but I am okay as a passenger as long as the travel is under one hour or so. I know this seems so strange, but it has limited my ability to do road trips. My husband is understanding - to a point. What are your thoughts Kelly?
Thank you once again. I so do value your podcasts more than you know.
Hi Debbie! Thank you so much for the nice comments; I’m so glad you’ve found it helpful.
You bring up an interesting topic! I have to say, I haven’t heard much about HSPs & driving/being in cars. But I have some issues! I dislike driving in general; it does give me anxiety. I hate traffic (well, everyone does) & parking stresses me out. I used to live just outside New York City and the traffic and very aggressive driving wore on me a LOT. Driving home from work every day was like a BATTLE!
Is it only speed that gives you anxiety? Have you been able to speak to anyone about this? I wonder if there is some kind of calming exercises you could try. For example, I used to get a lot of anxiety on airplanes but I’ve gotten better through some mental exercises.
I too dislike driving. This is because I have this overwhelming fear that I could kill someone with my car. I especially do not like driving other people, as in having a passenger in my car. This is because I know that I am responsible for keeping that passenger of mine safe and it would be my fault if I caused an accident.
I also get REALLY hard on myself for making driving errors (e.g. being unaware of pedestrians). Sometimes I get so hard on myself that I would not be able to get the courage to drive for weeks at a time.
To work around this, I do drive slower than most people and I only drive to places that I know. I also do not drive downtown, where there is a lot of people and parking is scarce.
Val recently posted…Ep. 57: An interview with teen HSP Daisy Gumin
Hi Kelly!
I can’t get enough of your podcast. I feel so good just listening and knowing that I’m not weird or crazy. I’ve started to repeatedly listen to Ep. 24 on coping so I can have a constant reminder to accept and work on myself. Also, now instead of trying to explain myself to my husband, I just have him listen to your podcasts
I’m doing a lot of research into emotional intelligence for my blog and have found a strong connection to HSPs: we are very strong in the empathy and self-awareness areas but have a lot of trouble with regulating our emotions. Is this a subject you can cover?
Thank you!
Hi and thank you for the kind comments; I’m glad you like the podcast! I have to say I have not done a lot of research on regulating emotions. Maybe you could share what you’ve learned with me??