A Highly Sensitive Person's Life
When you feel joy, discomfort, emotions, and empathy intensely
And for HSPs, they are extra super not-fun.
My rant: Unless you are interviewing for a job where interviewing will be your function, then being judged by your performance in an interview is kind of dumb. If I’m a writer, who cares if I perform well in an interview? All that matters is that my work is good and that I can function well in the workplace. [Read more…]
Ok, let’s get down to business. Which careers and jobs will best fit your traits as a highly sensitive person? I previously wrote a post about the best job for HSPs, but that solution won’t work for everyone. Let’s talk about opportunities for those who need to work in a traditional workplace. First. here’s what you shouldn’t look for. [Read more…]
HSPs are hyper aware of our surroundings and tend to have a greater response to pain, discomfort, and physical experience. We can get distracted easily and we despise the feeling of being watched. Sitting in a cubicle or office for hours and hours each day makes our body hurt and our brain scream out for freedom. Alleviating some of this physical and mental pain can make a big difference in quality of life.
Here are some products and resources that can be used in the cubicle or office to make your life a little better. In the meantime, you may want to work on changing your career to get into the best job ever for HSPs.
Brainstorming is played out. Does anyone really use it as a way to solve problems anymore? It seems as out-of-touch as dial-up modems and AOL. There must be better ways to solve problems while harnessing the power of a bunch of brains at once, but how?
Recent articles on Inc.com and Fast Company laud brainswarming, which is like brainstorming but without all the extroverts trying to talk over each other. A problem is presented, and everyone writes down their ideas and stuff. There’s more to it, but that’s it on the most basic level.
Brainswarming is great because during regular brainstorming sessions in the good ol’ conference room, the shyer people and introverts tended to keep their ideas to themselves, and their great ideas wouldn’t get heard. HSPs & introverts also prefer to ponder things for a while, rather than spouting ideas immediately.
This is a problem because, as the most awesome Susan Cain quote goes: “There is zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”
(BTW, I didn’t even have to google that quote. True Susan Cain fangirl, right here.)
I like problem solving. I feel like figuring things out in my life is a brainteaser-a challenge. And I think that’s also why I like brainswarming. It’s a more efficient, smart way to solve problems.
If you’re interested in learning more, I highly recommend checking out the Inc.com and Fast Company articles.
Thanks to Catalina for telling me about brainswarming!
Many people come to this site searching for information on the best jobs for highly sensitive people.
Bright lights. Constant chatter. Disruptions. Deadlines. Pressure. An uncomfortable chair. A desk that is too high. Awkward social situations. Odors. Lack of privacy, quiet, and control.
That’s office life.
As an HSP, I’m highly tuned in to my environment and lots of little things become big things since I can’t stop obsessing over them. Here’s a list of some of the issues that made me swear off working in an office.
I remember the time when I heard someone playing music in their cubicle. It was several cubes away, but I could still faintly hear it.
I worked in a cube farm, as it is so affectionately called. Dozens and dozens of cubicles all next to each other in a giant room.
I remember sitting there, straight up, with a look of super annoyance on my face as I thought about what to do. I was a writer, and I needed silence to write. I could deal with the typical ambient noise of the office, but something like music distracts me. Because this person decided they needed to hear some tunes, now I couldn’t work.
Listening to music in a cubicle-when you are surrounded by dozens of other people in cubicles-is inconsiderate and selfish. You have just made the decision for everyone that they will now listen to your music as well, whether they want to or not. To me, that is the utter height of rudeness. Plus—why couldn’t she use headphones?
I sat there in my cube, getting more and more annoyed about how inconsiderate this person was. I was getting worked up. I debated with myself of what to do. “Just ignore it,” I told myself. But I couldn’t.
Finally, I stormed over and found the offender. I told her, nicely, that I was sorry but could she turn her music off because I couldn’t work? She turned it off. I’m sure the second I walked away, she IMed all her co-workers, “OMG some crazy chick just came over and told me to turn my music off, wtf?!” I couldn’t care less.
Some people like to listen to music when they work, or have the TV on in the background, or go to a café where there is ambient noise. Then there are people like me that prefer complete silence with no distractions.
Both of these preferences are okay. But we all have to live and work together in this world. This is how I see it: My right to silence trumps your right to noise. Why? Because my silence won’t bother you and distract you from your work. You can wear headphones to listen to music if you need to, just don’t pollute my air with your soundwaves. Your need for noise will bother me and distract me; my silence won’t bother you.
So, in my mind, the right to silence always wins.
When you can’t avoid noise at work, pop in your headphones and listen to white noise. Or, if you like ambient noise of a coffee shop, try Coffitivity.
An updated version of this post is published at QuietRev.com.Years ago, when I moved from my small hometown in Michigan to New York, I took administrative temp work to get my “foot in the door” and get a full-time job.
One of my temp assignments left me especially miserable. The person managing me would hurl insults at another employee. The job-stuffing envelopes-was brain-meltingly boring. And of course, as an HSP, all this affected me greatly.
I got home and (surprise!) complained about it to my husband.
I remember that he said, matter-of-factly, “Call your temp agency and quit the assignment. It’s not worth you being miserable.”
My first reaction was, “I can’t do that!” I committed to the assignment. They were counting on me! I don’t quit things.
Then he asked me: What’s more important? My mental health or finishing a temp job for some company that couldn’t care less about me?
He was right. There was no reason for me to care so much about this job. So what if my quitting inconveniences the company or the temp agency? Who cares?
“Number One” is yourself. Ultimately, your workplace doesn’t really care about you. You are replaceable. You have to look out for your HSP-self first and stop worrying about everyone and everything else.
A few months ago, a friend was struggling at work. She was overwhelmed by too many responsibilities and was ready to quit. I posed the question to her: “What would happen if you didn’t get all your work done on time? What if you couldn’t finish all the tasks?” And her response was something like, “I guess it wouldn’t be the end of the world…” But I could tell that she wouldn’t even consider letting some things slip through the cracks. She was a hard worker who cared about her performance.
I told her, “You are ready to quit your job. What will it hurt to try caring less first? If you can care less, then you won’t feel so stressed about not getting everything done. Just do the best you can. That’s all you can do.”
Look. I know you care deeply about details, my HSP friend, but please remember that worrying and stressing about your job isn’t productive. You probably care more about your job than many people do; you are loyal, committed, and hard-working. But when you stress because you feel like you aren’t doing good work, or that you are behind on a project, ask yourself, “Who cares?” Hopefully this will help you put it all into perspective and take a little stress off your shoulders.
I’ve never admitted this to anyone before, but every time I’ve had a performance review at work, my eyes fill with tears.
Hold up. You are probably thinking it’s due to nerves or fear. But I don’t think that’s it.
HSPs generally perform poorly when being watched, and yeah, I can totally confirm this.
One of my old bosses would sometimes stand right over me and watch me while I did things on the computer. It was so insufferable that I called him out on it. I probably said something sarcastic like, “Are you really going to stand on top of me while I do this?” Or, “I can’t do this if you are going to stand there and watch me.” Fortunately, we had a pretty relaxed relationship so this didn’t offend him. I think he found it amusing that it bothered me.
When someone like a manager or boss is watching me do something, I completely freeze up. I cannot perform. And how can I explain this, when it happens? I appear incompetent when I freeze up like that. I look like I can’t do the work, just because I’m nervous about being stared at.
At another job, I worked in one room with two other people. It was an office meant for one person, but they stuffed three of us in there. We all had our own desks. One day, we had to all move to a different office, so the 3 of us had to figure out where to put our individual desks within that room. The other 2 people wanted to face the window, whereas my only suggestion was that I didn’t want my desk facing a direction where someone else would be facing me all day. That would have made me go nuts.
My officemates were, understandably, happy that they got the window view without argument, and I got to face the wall like a crazy person.
A few months later, I expressed to my boss that I would rather work in a cubicle. No one could believe that I would give up being in an office (AHEM, shared with 2 other people!) to have my own private cube. In a cube, I felt that I would at least have the privacy of knowing no one was looking at me. Just that tiny little bit of privacy seemed so appealing. I felt like I could make it through the day more easily and be less distracted that way. And you know what? They were nice enough to move me to a cubicle!
So, my point-if there is one-is that if you are unhappy in your work environment, you should 1) speak up about what you want to HR. There are rules and laws and stuff that mean they usually have to listen to you, and 2) you are going to have to grow a tougher skin because your co-workers and managers might not “get” why you need what you need.
But if you are able to finagle a better working environment for yourself, that’s all that matters in the long run. The embarrassment of having to ask for it will wear off.
Simply learning about what it means to be an HSP can change the way you see yourself and your place within the world.
