Coping with being a Highly Sensitive Person

Worrying about Worrying: Anxiety Management

March 5, 2014 by Kelly 3 Comments

We’ve all heard about anger management-what about anxiety management?

Now, not every highly sensitive person struggles with anxiety, but many of us do.

Anger management teaches people how to understand and acknowledge their feelings and anger. Us anxious folks can teach ourselves to acknowledge when we are starting to go down the rabbit hole of anxiety and worry.

When people feel anxiety coming on, they often rack their brains to find reasons for the symptoms in hopes that they can figure it out and “solve” it. But, often, the source of your heightened emotions isn’t real, so your brain goes in a circle of worry, trying to find the source of the worry, when there isn’t one.

There have been times I’ve tried to explain my anxiety to my husband, and he’s said, “Let me get this straight: you are worrying about worrying?” And I can’t help but laugh, because he’s right.

So, how to manage your anxiety?

When you feel the panic coming on, try to ignore it. Realize what is happening and don’t let it grab on to you. I know this is easier said than done. Once you decide to ignore it, then realize that you need to find a way to relax, immediately.

“This feeling of dread and tension comprises a state of low grade fear, which can also cause other physical symptoms…The feeling of dread is just the emotional manifestation of physical tension.” (source)

I tell myself something like, “Ok, my mind wants me to freak out right now, but I don’t want to let this happen because I hate the way it feels.” Then I focus on taking relaxing breaths and try to find something to distract myself. I will remove myself completely from the situation. If I feel the panic when I’m working on my computer, I’ll get up and walk away. Sometimes I will put on a mindless TV show. Or, I will tell my spouse, “I’m feeling anxious and starting to freak out. Please help.” And he will either help me take my mind off it or we’ll talk about what’s worrying me, and he’ll explain things though his non-anxiety addled brain. It helps a lot to have someone who understands.

This might sound ridiculous, but I remember one particular bad night. I was stressing big time about something. I sat down and watched a few episodes of the claymation kids’ show Shaun the Sheep. It is funny, clever, and most of all, innocent and sweet, and it always makes me smile.

What techniques do you use to manage your anxiety?

Filed Under: Coping, Emotion, Traits Tagged With: anger, anxiety, worry

HSPs and Depression

February 23, 2014 by Kelly 6 Comments

Is there a connection between depression and being highly sensitive?

If an HSP doesn’t know they are highly sensitive, and doesn’t know how to care for themselves (like getting enough rest, setting boundaries, avoiding certain situations, etc.), they are more likely to suffer from depression. Without knowledge about the trait, an “HSP can find themselves in a chronic state of overstimulation which would then lead to too much cortisol in the system, which can then lead to depression and/or anxiety.” source

If an HSP is aware of their sensitivity, they can plan their life in the best way to avoid overstimulation and scenarios that make them feel drained and unsettled. It is essential for HSPs to learn about the trait so they can find their own stasis of peace.

To oversimplify a bit-Since HSPs tend to think about things very deeply and feel emotions strongly, it makes sense that they may feel negative, sad feelings more strongly, which can lead to depression.

HSPs often have a hard time “letting things go” and we ruminate over things for a long, long time. It is hard to quiet our mind and find peace.

Just as HSPs can appreciate things like art and nature very intensely, we can also feel other people’s (and other creature’s) pain intensely, leading to a general worry and sadness about the world, which is too much for one person to handle.

Check out my post on 7 ways to deal with the struggles of being an HSP. There is also a fantastic list on the HSP Highlights & Insights Newsletter blog of the best ways to thrive as an HSP. It discusses how to create your own “HSP Owners Manual”. I found it helpful and hope you do, too.

I wrote more about empathy for people suffering from depression in my post about Robin Williams’ suicide.

Filed Under: Coping, Emotion Tagged With: depression, emotions, HSP, sadness, suicide

Decision-Free Living

December 1, 2013 by Kelly 9 Comments

Decision-free living.

Did that phrase give you goosebumps? It did for me.

Do you realize how much of your energy and power that decision-making takes from you over the course of a day?

Let’s look at how HSPs approach decision making. We thoroughly examine (and sometimes research) every aspect of a decision’s outcomes. This careful weighing of options isn’t easy. Plus, we hate regret. Making a bad decision is like a mini-failure.

For me, deciding what to eat takes a lot of decision power. I love, love, love to eat out; it’s one of my favorite things to do. However, I want to be healthy, not gain weight, and not spend too much money eating out. The internal battle between wanting a giant burrito or munching on fruit takes a lot of energy. Every single day I fight this battle. Do I eat what I crave, or something that’s good for me?

What if that decision was taken away from me?

How awesome would that be?

Well, as it turns out, it isn’t rocket science. It just takes some willpower and planning ahead. It’s easy to find weekly meal plans online and in cookbooks. I have decided that my goal is to choose a meal plan (well, ok, that’s one decision…), prepare all the food ahead of time, and stick to it for a full week.

With just a little extra preparation, and yes-a decision or two-I can avoid the daily mental battle about what to eat. This feels exciting to me.

So I’ve admitted one of my big daily decision battles. What daily decisions bog you down? Here are some you might experience:

Working out. I hate working out, but I know I have to do it. Sometimes I bargain with myself. “Well, I took a long walk today-maybe I don’t need to go to the gym?” or “I will skip the gym today but go really hard tomorrow.”

The solution? For me, I choose a gym that’s extremely close to my home or workplace. This gives me less of an excuse to skip it since I have to practically drive by the gym to get home from work. Also, try a quota system. Tell yourself that you have to go the gym X times per week. This works for me, because it gives me the power to choose which days I skip. Like a cheat day.

What to wear. I put a lot of thought into my outfits. Not because I’m stylish-heck no. It’s because I don’t want to be caught unprepared. I have to check the weather forecast every day and dress appropriately. If I know I’ll be walking a lot, that means comfortable shoes, and sporty shoes mean I have to wear a sporty outfit. If I’ll be outside in the sun, I want to wear a hat, which also affects the rest of my outfit.

My solution? Fewer clothes = fewer decisions. Spend more for quality items that are multi-functional and don’t wear out. If you have less to choose from, that’s less energy spent deciding what to wear.

Whether or not to go to a social event. Many HSPs are introverts, which means that being in social situations can take a lot of our energy. I like hanging out with my friends, but after a few hours, I’m spent. I feel guilty about not wanting to attend some social events. I don’t have a “legitimate” reason why I don’t want to go, other than just not feeling like it.

My solution? Make a quota system for the week or the month. Plan that you will go out X times per week. If you’ve already attended your quota for the week, then you don’t have to feel bad about skipping an event. If you have open-minded friends, you could even tell them about your quota system so they understand why you turn them down. (“It’s not personal; I hit my quota!”)

Should I spend money on [fill in the blank]? I like to strike a balance between being frugal and knowing when to treat myself. If I find something I like in the store, but I know I don’t need it, I will often spend several minutes going over every possible aspect of the purchase in the my head. Is it worth it? Will I wear/use it a lot? What else could I buy with that money?

The solution? Walk away. If I’m still thinking about the item a day or two later, that’s a good indication that I truly do want it, and maybe it’s worth a splurge. If I forget about it, then obviously it’s not that important after all.

What should I work on first? Do you sometimes feel paralyzed by having too many things to do? A reader named Brontosaurus left a great suggestion in the comments. Use Random.org’s List Randomizer. Type in your to-do list, click a button, and the tasks will be shuffled randomly. Then get to work!

Do you have any tips on how to eliminate decisions from your day? I’d love to hear them.

I first heard the phrase “decision-free life” in a recent interview between Marie Forleo and Susan Cain.

Related Reading: Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert, ranted about how the ban on plastic grocery bags in California just adds to all the complexities of life. Sounds like an HSP to me!

Listen to my podcast episode about Decision-Free Living below:

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Filed Under: Coping, Emotion, Most Popular Tagged With: decision-free, decisions, marie forleo, susan cain

Find a Work-Around for Your Fear

November 28, 2013 by Kelly 1 Comment

This is not one of the dogs by Amy’s apartment. But he does look hungry.

Amy over at Nomadtopia is spending a few weeks in Bali and has discovered lots of menacing stray dogs hanging out near her apartment. She found herself feeling fearful and stressed about having to walk by and encounter these scary canines. Her anxiety would rise before even leaving her apartment! [Read more…]

Filed Under: Coping, Travel Tagged With: animals, dogs, fear

I love listening to white noise

October 30, 2013 by Kelly 1 Comment

A few years ago, I discovered the site Simply Noise. With just a few clicks, it plays white noise and even pink or brown noise on your computer (there’s an app, too).

This website saved me many times when I was in a noisy office, or when people in the cubicles next to me were chatting and I couldn’t concentrate to save my life.

Just the other day, I was working a cafe, and the guy next to me was sniffing and snorting with a runny nose. I don’t know why he didn’t just blow his nose, but I felt like I could hear his copious snot rattling around every 10 seconds. Disgusting. A brief dirty look didn’t help, and then I remembered Simply Noise. Thank goodness!!!! I turned the volume up to the max.

If you have trouble focusing, check it out! They also have a site called Simply Rain.

Filed Under: Coping, Environment, Work Tagged With: white noise

Highly Sensitive Person Travel Tips

October 22, 2013 by Kelly 1 Comment

People who know me well are sometimes surprised that I travel as much as I do. My husband and I traveled/lived around the world for all of 2013, going to places like Mexico, Cuba, France, Hungary, Poland, Bosnia, Bali, Australia, Thailand, Cambodia, Hong Kong, and Japan on a budget. Prior to this trip, we’ve spent time in the Middle East and South America.

Since little things tend to bother me more than the average person, you’d think independent travel would be more difficult than it is for non-sensitives….and it probably is.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Coping, Environment, Humor, Travel Tagged With: highly sensitive, HSP, travel, travel tips

Finding the “stasis of peace”

October 13, 2013 by Kelly 5 Comments

I’m learning every day how to better manage my needs as a person with high sensitivity and introversion. Like I always say, folks, it’s about acknowledging, accepting, and adjusting!

I do feel frustrated and even mad at myself sometimes because I have to do so many things that aren’t “normal” just to feel comfortable. I wish I was “normal”. I wish so many little things didn’t bother me. But they DO, and that’s just how it is. [sigh] [Read more…]

Filed Under: Coping, Introversion, Overwhelm, Traits Tagged With: highly sensitive people, peace

Sorry if This is a Bit Dark: Hating my Sensitivity

October 11, 2013 by Kelly 12 Comments

Warning: This is a bit dark.

I hate that I’m highly sensitive. I wish I was normal. I wish I wasn’t bothered by so many small things. I wish I could just be happy instead of always wishing things were better.

And these feelings make me angry at myself. Why do I have to complain so much? Why can’t I just suck it up and deal with small annoyances? Why can’t I just relax and have fun? Why are things so hard for me and easy for everyone else?

I hate that it limits my life in some ways. I can’t drink coffee; consume violent, scary, or extremely sad movies, TV shows, or books; and I sometimes feel other peoples’ feelings, which drains my energy, is exhausting, and can bum me out.

I hate that even at a young age, before I knew I was an HSP or introvert, I knew I was limited to a few, certain careers-like writing-because so there were so many aspects of others careers I didn’t like: like sales, or jobs with too much social interaction or too much pressure.

I hate that if, for instance, a friend suggests going on a trip with a group of friends, instead of my first reaction being of excitement and happiness, it’s of worry, and “what ifs”, and thinking about all the things that could make it uncomfortable for me.

I hate that noise and bright lights bother me so much and that I seem distracted-to the point that I have to change seats or ask people to turn the music down-and everyone looks at me like I’m weird.

I wish I could let things go, and didn’t replay things in my head. Or obsess about things.

More advanced-level HSPs (said with tongue-in-cheek) value their sensitivity. They appreciate it like a gift.

HSPs are often great listeners and great friends. We often have a deep appreciation of nature, art, and music, and can have strong connections with animals. We are good listeners and incredibly empathetic and intuitive. We have good imaginations, tend to make careful decisions, and are curious, compassionate, conscientious, and creative.

People who make art and poetry, who make it their life’s work to try to lessen the pain of others, who are willing listen and help others who are struggling–are important to have in this world.

Filed Under: Coping, Emotion Tagged With: sensitivity

A connection between caffeine, Mitral Valve Prolapse, and high sensitivity?

October 2, 2013 by Kelly 14 Comments

Storytime. Several years ago, I kept getting this feeling like my heart was skipping a beat, or that it was beating double occasionally. I had lots of tests done, and it was determined that I have mitral valve prolapse (MVP), a really common heart disease-but no big deal in my case. The bigger news was that my doctor told me to try avoiding caffeine to see what would happen.