When I first learned about what it meant to be an HSP and an introvert, it was life changing. But I had to find a way to explain it to the person who has to deal with me the most, my partner. How could I explain that there’s nothing wrong with me, but that I’m just different, and my desires and needs are just as valid as a non-HSPs?
Here’s how I explained introversion to him:
“You know how you love to go to parties, go to the bar, and hang out with people?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, let’s say someone doesn’t like doing those things. How is their desire NOT to party any less valid than a person who DOES want to do these things? How is a desire to be alone less ok than the desire NOT to be alone?”
I try to use the same argument when I’m sick of the TV being on but he refuses to turn it off. It rarely works. (“My desire for quiet is as valid as your desire for noise.“)
Here’s a way to try to explain HSP-ism. Let’s use the scenario of going for a walk, and being cold, and unable to stop focusing on the fact that you are cold.
“Do you think different people can feel pain differently?”
“I don’t know, maybe.”
“What if I told you that when I am cold, it physically hurts me. I can’t ignore being cold because it gives me pain. And just because you don’t feel pain when you are cold doesn’t mean that I don’t. It’s possible that the cold actually affects us in different ways.”
Basically, my tactic is to show that both sets of feelings are valid, and neither is wrong. It sort-of worked. How do you get your partner to understand what you need as an HSP?
