A Highly Sensitive Person's Life
When you feel joy, discomfort, emotions, and empathy intensely
A few years ago, I was standing in my kitchen and I faintly smelled something. Something bad. I said to Jim, “Do you smell that?” He says no.
Now I’m on a mission. “I swear I smell something bad. Where the heck is that coming from?” I mumbled to myself.
If you are anything like me, you know what came next. I searched every single corner of the kitchen looking for this smell. [Read more…]
Are there specific smells and odors that you just cannot stand? And which smells are so wonderful they leave you in a state of bliss? Do you smell things that other people don’t?
In this episode, I talk about HSPs’ sensitivity to odors as well as the ones I love and detest.
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Podcast music attribution: By the Coast (2004) (Antony Raijekov) / CC BY-NC 2.5
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How is Sensory Processing Disorder related or unrelated to high sensitivity? In some ways they are very different, but in others, there appears to be some overlap.
First of all, Sensory Processing Disorder is a disorder, and high sensitivity isn’t.
Sensory Processing Disorder means that your brain isn’t getting the information needed to interpret your senses. This can make everyday tasks difficult. “A person with SPD may over-respond to sensation and find clothing, physical contact, light, sound, food, or other sensory input to be unbearable. Another might under-respond and show little or no reaction to stimulation, even pain or extreme hot and cold.” (source: spdfoundation.net)
As Dr. Elaine Aron writes, if there is an obvious red flag in a child’s development-like not rolling over by 7 months or not walking by 18 months-this is not just high sensitivity.
But in other instances, it is not so clear cut.
The overlap could occur where less-obvious Sensory Processing Disorder symptoms could be interpreted as regular sensitivity-when a person is deemed too sensitive to things. Do they have Sensory Processing Disorder or are they just highly sensitive?
For more information, read Dr. Elaine Aron’s explanation of the difference between HSP and SPD. (It’s much better than mine.)
And visit the Sensory Processing Disorder Foundation.
photo credit gratisography.com
In this episode 25, I share some quotes from people in relationships with HSPs who are fed up! They say that HSPs are selfish and don’t try to improve themselves.
This bums me out and I hope that I don’t act this way in my own relationship. Do you ever worry that your partner is ignoring their own needs to help you with yours? Let me know in the comments below. [Read more…]
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In this episode 24, I provide some tips on how to deal with the challenging aspects of being highly sensitive. [Read more…]
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Why can’t I ever be happy with the way things are? Why do little things bother me? Why do I complain so much?
Why can’t I be normal?
These feelings make me angry at myself. Why can’t I just suck it up and deal with small annoyances? Why can’t I just relax and have fun? Why are things so hard for me and easy for everyone else?
This is the episode I warned you about last week-the really negative one where I say the word “hate” like 100 times.
In Episode 11 of the Highly Sensitive Person Podcast, I talk about the dark feelings I sometimes have about being highly sensitive and introverted. And of course, I talk about some positive stuff, too. If you are turned off by negativity, skip this one. But if you sometimes beat yourself up over the way you are, maybe this will give you some comfort to know you aren’t alone.
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So along with introverts, extraverts, and HSPs, there are also High Sensation Seeking HSPs (Elaine Aron calls them HSP/HSSs.)
HSP/HSSs are quite rare. [Read more…]
Why do so many of us think that being “sensitive” means you are “weak”?
Sensitive is supposed to mean “quick to detect or respond to slight changes, signals, or influences.”
That doesn’t sound weak at all…it sounds observant! It sounds like someone I want to be friends with!
Equating sensitive with weak is what many of us were taught, what we grew up with-and it’s a shame.
Take this scenario.
A child grows up surrounded by family members who are closed-minded or “old-fashioned”. Maybe it was a parent, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle. All throughout their childhood, this kid hears the parent (or whoever) making pejorative comments about people of a different race, religion, sexual orientation, or who are from a different country.
Kids are sponges. And they believe what their parents and older people say. So this kid grows up with the same closed-minded views as their family.
The kid hits high school or college, and due to being surrounded by more diverse people and more education, they gradually realize that everything they were taught about hating other races or gay people or putting down women or making fun of people with mental illness or physical impediments is bad and wrong.
(This is a convoluted story, but hear me out!)
Many of us grew up thinking sensitive = weak. Sensitive = sissy. People who are sensitive need to suck it up and get a thicker skin. Quit whining.
But just like the kid in my story-who grew up believing stereotypes and hateful behavior toward certain groups of people-that belief is wrong. It was something we learned from the people and culture around us that needs to be unlearned. We need to be open-minded and realize that maybe our beliefs were wrong. Maybe we didn’t have all the information we needed to be as informed as we thought we were.
Being sensitive means you are very aware of other people’s feelings and thoughts, your own feelings and thoughts, your environment, animals, art, music, and everything around you.
Why the hell did this become a bad thing?
Sensitive people are the artists, the musicians, the scientists, the engineers, the botanists, the teachers, the philanthropists, the counselors. Being sensitive is a wonderful quality.
The only downside, sometimes? Being the bearer of the weight of being sensitive.
I’m a little bummed out right now.
I submitted my blog to a local publication, the San Diego Reader. In every issue, they publish short excerpts from local blogs. I figured-why not?
They published it today. Here it is.
I was not happy about this.
I had been looking forward to this being published, and now I feel like they are almost mocking it a little bit.
The reason I have this blog is to try to help people realize they aren’t alone in being sensitive. I hope to offer camaraderie and a sense of, “I didn’t know other people felt that way!”
It’s a safe place for sensitive people. It makes me happy when you guys read something here and can relate.
This insensitive headline, “Leave Me Alone”, just reminds me that the average person does not understand HSPs, and they aren’t willing to. They still see them as whiny, complain-y, pains-in-you-know-what. They should toughen up and suck it up.
The exact thing we are trying to educate the world against.
I sent them an email trying to explain my view, and asking if they’d reconsider the headline. I hope so.
“Hey look at this, the sensitive person is complaining about their headline! No surprise there…”
I’d love your opinion. Do you think I’m overreacting? Do you think the headline is ok?
Warning: This is a bit dark.
I hate that I’m highly sensitive. I wish I was normal. I wish I wasn’t bothered by so many small things. I wish I could just be happy instead of always wishing things were better.
And these feelings make me angry at myself. Why do I have to complain so much? Why can’t I just suck it up and deal with small annoyances? Why can’t I just relax and have fun? Why are things so hard for me and easy for everyone else?
I hate that it limits my life in some ways. I can’t drink coffee; consume violent, scary, or extremely sad movies, TV shows, or books; and I sometimes feel other peoples’ feelings, which drains my energy, is exhausting, and can bum me out.
I hate that even at a young age, before I knew I was an HSP or introvert, I knew I was limited to a few, certain careers-like writing-because so there were so many aspects of others careers I didn’t like: like sales, or jobs with too much social interaction or too much pressure.
I hate that if, for instance, a friend suggests going on a trip with a group of friends, instead of my first reaction being of excitement and happiness, it’s of worry, and “what ifs”, and thinking about all the things that could make it uncomfortable for me.
I hate that noise and bright lights bother me so much and that I seem distracted-to the point that I have to change seats or ask people to turn the music down-and everyone looks at me like I’m weird.
I wish I could let things go, and didn’t replay things in my head. Or obsess about things.
More advanced-level HSPs (said with tongue-in-cheek) value their sensitivity. They appreciate it like a gift.
HSPs are often great listeners and great friends. We often have a deep appreciation of nature, art, and music, and can have strong connections with animals. We are good listeners and incredibly empathetic and intuitive. We have good imaginations, tend to make careful decisions, and are curious, compassionate, conscientious, and creative.
People who make art and poetry, who make it their life’s work to try to lessen the pain of others, who are willing listen and help others who are struggling–are important to have in this world.
