A Highly Sensitive Person's Life
When you feel joy, discomfort, emotions, and empathy intensely
Have you ever said to yourself:
I’m tired of being hurt and let down by other people. How can I be less sensitive?
Maybe you feel like you give a lot to other people but they don’t return your thoughtfulness. You care so much, but others don’t notice. You can’t trust many people because they will inevitably hurt you or let you down. Your empathy weighs heavily on you. It’s all so tiring. How can you deal?
Here are some strategies that may help you cope.
Anticipatory grief is a grief reaction that occurs before an impending loss, typically, the death of someone close to you. Anyone can experience it.
But for HSPs, anticipatory grief can be more than that. [Read more…]
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Episode 17 of the Highly Sensitive Person Podcast is brought to you by the word sensitive.A blog reader, Mike Voss, gave me the great suggestion that maybe the moniker Highly Sensitive Person could be changed to something without the word sensitive, because it’s such a loaded word. How about Highly Sensory Person? I like that better.
Actually, the more technical name for the trait HSPs possess is Sensory Processing Sensitivity, or SPS.
In this show, I discuss how the word sensitive might turn off male HSPs and how I denied being HSP at first because I didn’t like the word “sensitive”, either. Oh, did I mention it’s kind of a rant?
Further reading on this blog:
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When I was a young kid, I remember wondering why women on TV and in movies would make jokes about lying about their age or not wanting to admit their age. I thought it was so stupid; who cares how old you are? I completely, totally did not comprehend why it was a bad thing to admit your age as an adult woman.
Well, now that I’ve been on the wrong side of 30 for a while, I get it. For me, the age hesitation is not because I’m ashamed or don’t want people to know. It’s more like I personally can’t believe how old I am! How did this happen? When did I become old!? Also, I don’t want people to judge me or think of me differently once they know my age. [Read more…]
When I first learned about what it meant to be an HSP and an introvert, it was life changing. But I had to find a way to explain it to the person who has to deal with me the most, my partner. How could I explain that there’s nothing wrong with me, but that I’m just different, and my desires and needs are just as valid as a non-HSPs? [Read more…]
Oh, sweet, sweet, sleep.
Dr. Elaine Aron recommends that HSPs “spend 8-10 hours in bed each day, sleeping or not.” (source) I totally agree! [Read more…]
A friend posted a link to my new podcast on her Facebook wall and someone had some not-so-nice things to say. Here’s some of it:
I think someone ‘realizing’ they are highly sensitive is about the worst thing that could happen to them. It’s the emotional equivalent of “What is your body type? Are you pear shaped?”
I guess I am worried by the amount of self-diagnosis going on in our generation and how damaging that can be to individuals: I’ve seen the psychosomatic affect on people and it’s kinda scary.
[The podcast] would certainly help those with HSP! But it may damage those who read it who don’t have HSP.
What do I have to say to this?
It’s misconception, misunderstanding, and ignorance. [Read more…]
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We face dozens if not hundreds of decisions every single day-from big decisions to tiny ones, and they all take energy.As HSPs, we put so much care and energy into everything we do, that making all these decisions can wear us out, leaving us with insufficient energy for the important things in our life!
In this episode, I give some examples of ways to reduce the number of choices you have to make in your daily life. While there is no way to have a truly decision free life, by preparing and planning ahead, we can eliminate some of them!
Resources mentioned in Episode 3:
I first heard about (and was inspired by) the phrase “decision-free living” in this Marie Forleo interview with Susan Cain. (it’s at 11:40).
Have a hard time getting through your To-Do list because you don’t know where to start? Try the Random.org List Randomizer.
Further Reading: Tim Ferriss on The Choice-Minimal Lifestyle: 6 Formulas for More Output and Less Overwhelm
Related Posts on This Blog:
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Podcast music attribution: Bust This Bust That (Professor Kliq) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
Learning about introversion and high sensitivity has helped me accept myself so much more.
And since then, I’ve tried to build my life in a way where I can avoid situations that stress me out and upset me.
I attend fewer social events (and I don’t beat myself up about it). Or, when I do attend social events, I find a way to limit how many hours I’m there. I never watch horror movies. My spouse also understands how I feel and is understanding about it. I work for myself from home-which has eliminated a TON of stress from my life…although it hasn’t been good for the bank account. Overall, everything is going pretty well. I am happier than I used to be.
But is this sustainable? Is this reality?
A book recently recommended to me, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Singer, opened my eyes.
It made me realize that I can’t expect to build a world around myself that fits exactly into what I think are my needs.
Why?
Because there’s no way to make the world the way I want. I will only be disappointed. Plus, I’d waste a lot of energy building that bubble that I’d live in.
According to the book, you have to learn to let go and relax. Acknowledge and understand when you start to feel bothered or upset and relax into it.
There are some awesome quotes from this book:
“When a problem is disturbing you, don’t ask, “What should I do about it?” Ask, “What part of me is being disturbed by this?”
“We are constantly trying to hold it all together. If you really want to see why you do things, then don’t do them and see what happens.”
“Eventually you will see that the real cause of problem is not life itself. It’s the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes the problems.”
“There is no reason to constantly attempt to figure everything out.”
“The only permanent solution to your problems is to go inside and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality. Once you do that, you’ll be clear enough to deal with what’s left.”
Here I thought I was doing a good thing by trying to build a life with less stressors. But according to this book, that’s wrong. Apparently, by trying to build this bubble of comfort in which to live, I’ll be continuously struggling to hold it all together-which takes a lot of energy. Instead, I should let things happen and learn to accept them. Whoa, right?
Another quote: “How long have you been hiding in there struggling to keep it all together? Any time anything goes wrong in the protective model you built about yourself, you defend and rationalize in order to get it back together. Your mind does not stop struggling until you’ve processed the event or somehow made it go away. People feel their very existence is at stake, and they will fight and argue until they get control back. This is all because we have attempted to build solidity where there is none. Now we have to fight to keep it together. The problem is, there is no way out that way. There is no peace and there is no winning in that struggle. You were told not to build your house upon sand. Well, this is the ultimate sand. In fact, you built your house in empty space. If you continue to cling to what you built, you will have to continually and perpetually defend yourself. You will have to keep everybody and everything straight in order to reconcile your conceptual model with reality. It’s a constant struggle to keep it together.”
These quotes are so powerful. What do you think? There were times when I was listening to this book (I got the audiobook version) and couldn’t believe how it was EXACTLY talking about my life.
photo credit: cellar_door_films via photopin cc
Think of a time you tried to explain high sensitivity to someone who’d never heard of it before. Maybe it was a friend, family member, or even a co-worker.
And, as you are talking, you can tell from their face that they aren’t buying it.
Simply learning about what it means to be an HSP can change the way you see yourself and your place within the world.
